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Sorry you're dealing with all of this tension. Having been through the wedding planning process, I can tell you that there is no way to please everyone. The best you can do is make an effort, which it sounds like you have. Ultimately, it matters most that you and your FI are happy with the wedding.
Try your best to ignore the complaints and criticisms. It sounds like your wedding is going to be beautiful and fun. My guess is that even the grouchy complainers will have a good time!
Ha! I had to laugh at this because it fits my situation almost to a T, except the other way around. You are not alone. I'm basically putting on a "show up and shut up" attitude when it comes to other people and what they want. My opinion, and well the FI's too, is the only one that matters.
Luckily ever family member I have shops at Target, so yay to that registry choice.
I second what rosychicklet said and would like to add that perhaps if there was a way to get both familes together prior to the wedding...like an event the night before, maybe the 'their side' 'our side' mentality would melt away for some people. It is hard to be judgemental of people when you are eating dinner/dancing/having a good time with/drinking/general mingling with them.
I'm sorry that you have all this happening on the sidelines but I really hope things work out for you. Your wedding sounds lovely and I hope it is what you and your FI want. Everyone is going to have an opinion and something to say...try not to let the negativity get to you. Good luck!
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We have some familial differences on both sides as well, so I feel your pain. Ultimately, the hurt feelings and attitudes are a reflection of the family members, and not a reflection of you and your fiance, so try not to internalize it too much.
Your family is having to step outside their comfort zone, and it seems like a lot for them to handle. I would just keep slowly exposing them to the idea of what is going to happen (either yourself or through your mom), and let the chips fall where they may. Just plan the wedding that you are in love with, be polite, and don't take any of their comments to heart, if possible.
Greater exposure to novel ideas helps them to seem less scary and more "normal" to folks who are intimidated by change. More than anything, that's where these judgments are coming from. Your wedding is "other", "different" and outside the norm for them. Hopefully, they come around with further exposure.
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Seriously, what the hell? Both families need realize that it's not about the time of the wedding, if there is a band or a DJ, or where you registered. The whole purpose is to celebrate the union of you and your FI. Buffet or sit-down, country club or church hall...in the end none of it matters. I can see that you and your FI realize this, so as long as you can try to forget the drama and just enjoy each other, you'll have an amazing day. I hope all of this is resolved, and just know that no matter what you will have a beautiful day because at the end of it, you will be married to a wonderful man.
Oh man. your weding does sound lovely. It sounds like your family s jealous of your parents' success. You can't control that. (Althoug it probably still hurts.) I'm sorry your mom is feeling a bit overshadowed by what your FMIL has planned. My gut says even if she has the fanciest breakfast, it couldn't be as fancy as the wedding itself. Where's the band and dancing? Where's the cake and desserts?
So sorry. I hope it all gets worked out.
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If you and your fiance are happy then everyone at the wedding will be too! I have been to weddings where the couple have not been terribly enthusiastic about their wedding and I have been to weddings where the opposite is true, and either way the tone is set by the bride and groom.
I say forget about it, have the day of your life and your guest will too. They will all manage to put aside their differences and surround themselves with love, I guratee it!
Have fun!
I completely agree with SpaceC06, you and your FI set the tone! And you two just ignoring your families remarks and remaning happy will eventually just make all those people chill out and just have fun....at least thats what we are hoping for at our wedding! There has been alot of tension between my FI & his parents and they are huge gossipers, so we are preparing ourselves to have them gossping to their family members about us, so my FI & I decided that we are just going to have the time of our lives and that our positive & fun vibe will hopefully rub off on my FI's parents.
Good Luck to you! I know that blocking people's bad vibes is very hard, but push through it and enjoy your day!
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Just remember that the reason you are getting married isn't about dinners, dancing, or brunches. It is to share the love that you and your fiance have for one another with the family and friends in your lives. People will think what they want and most times are a lot of talk but once they see how happy you and your fiance are on your wedding day they will follow suit. Until then be gracious of the help you are getting on both sides and ignore the comments and focus on your fiance, yourself, and your upcoming new life together. Your parents and his will work it out and once the day arrives all will be forgotten and you two will be celebrated.
These parents planning the wedding are starting to lose the focus: they're focusing on the party and out-doing each other instead of on the celebration of your love. Unfortunately parents just are this way---my mom was too! She was all about throwing a party that her friends would respect.
In the end though if you are having a good time, so will everyone else. Good mood are infectious. And after it's over it will all be forgotten in the face of some new crazy predicament, I'm sure. Just remember to breathe and let your good spirits outweigh everything else.
I hear ya! I'm secretly starting to dread our day...I really just want to skip right to the honeymoon at this point...and the weather isn't helping either HAHA My fiance's family is sooooooo different from mine (not financially but in terms of what they value and the way they deal with senitments). My family takes getting married as a HUGE deal and that it's once in a lifetime and it's super special. My fiance's family pretty much thinks is a big hassel for them and that we're supposed to please them with all our plans (read my post if you want...dramaaaaaaaaaaaa). So ya...I really know how you feel. But like a lot of people around me have been telling me....it's YOUR wedding day. Do what YOU want to do because when you look back at it, those will be YOUR memories. Have the kind of wedding you want and where you want it. If people start talking about those things...whatever...they really shouldn't because it's not THEIR wedding. If they prefer smaller weddings...then have a smaller wedding themselves when they have one but don't ask someone else to change their wedding plans for them. It's not really fair. Don't forget to just enjoy everything to like chealsemorning said...just have a good attitude about it all. IT'S YOUR WEDDING......BE HAPPY!!!!!!!! You don't want your negative energy to show in your pictures right?? =)
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Background
My parents are AWESOME. They own their own business and have had a lot of success. They are paying for our wedding and have been extraordinarily generous. My extended family is pretty rural, generally poor, and very conservative. They have all lived in eastern NC for their entire lives and generally do not leave the county. We do not always see eye to eye on things.
My FI's family is well educated, well off financially, generally big spenders, and travel frequently. Basically they are the exact opposite of my family.
I recently found out that some people in my family have been giving my mom a hard time about planning the wedding in Raleigh, NC rather than my hometown 30 minutes away. My grandmother specifically made some comments about how my mom should have forced me to get married in her church or my grandmother's church, even though I probably thought that wasn't good enough for me. She has also been tearing into my mom about spending lots of money on our reception at a country club. She thinks we should have a fellowship hall reception with cocktail weiners and punch and cake. Apparently my whole family has decided that I'm marrying "up" and being a huge snob. They even think the stores where we registered are too snobby (Target, Macy's, Amazon.com, and Anthropologie-- they seriously think the towels I registered for at Target are too expensive)
My FI's family expects an evening wedding with a sit down dinner, a band, dancing, the whole shebang.
The wedding we've planned is going to be at my FI's parents' church, followed by a lunch buffet reception at a really beautiful country club. There will be a DJ and a dance floor.
My FI's mom has planned this over the top rehearsal dinner and our brunch the morning after is going to be at the nicest hotel in the area. Now my mom is offended because she thinks FI's mom is trying to outdo her party because our reception isn't going to be good enough for them. (My parents and my FI's parents have met and have dinner together regularly, and they normally get along...)
I find myself actually dreading our wedding. Our families are so different and they're all going to hate our reception, even though I tried to find a compromise between what they each wanted. I love our wedding, I've worked really hard to plan something gorgeous and very us, but I know someone will say something about it and just ruin it.
I wish I could uninvite everyone except our parents and friends. Thanks for letting me whine a bit :)