(Closed) I asked for their mailing address… do I have to invite them?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
6207 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

Just because you have their address doesn’t mean you need to invite them. Just send them a christmas card next year. Or a wedding announcement with a picture, if you want to send them something

Post # 4
2295 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

What did you say when requesting the address?

I do think it’s in sort of poor form if you specifically mentioned the wedding when requesting it… if you asked for my address, I’d be waiting on an invitation. But – if you’re going to limit it, now is the time. Hard choice. If they ask, you can always just say you were working on pulling the guest list together and once it was all compiled, you realized it was too large and had to limit the size. Awkward, but better than dealing with an out of control guest list.

For other people reading or for future addresses you might need to get, you might try to ask someone else for it (like if you have a mutual friend or something). That can help reduce that risk a little bit. My Maid/Matron of Honor had a lot of our friends’ addresses from a past baby shower she threw.

Post # 6
1202 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Pumpkin_Bee:  I would tread lightly and only send save-the-dates to people that you intend to invite to the wedding. I agree with PP that if someone asked me for my address and I knew they were getting married that I would kind of expect an invitation or save-the-date. I would use your best judgement with this situation. 🙂 Good luck. 

Post # 7
60 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

i KIND of did the same thing – we got engaged over xmas and I immediatley wrote MY friends who i knew i would invite to get their addresses – a few weeks later he got freaked about the number of people we were talking about inviting – but it all worked out because we found a great venue that was much cheaper than we were anticipating — tread lightly – you may just have to invtie them.


the standard is if ask for an addy they are getting an invite

Post # 8
255 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Pumpkin_Bee:  Send them a wedding announcement like @MeiFrancis:  said. I think that’s a good way to navigate the situation. And if they bring it up beforehand, just say you had to condense your list.

Post # 9
12250 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I agree with the wedding anouncement PP!

Post # 10
1278 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I was in the same boat last year. My Future Mother-In-Law had given me a list (Of 86 people) in March of people she thought should have been invited to the wedding. Without even thinking about if those were all people we would be inviting, I just told her to get all the addresses for me by June when I wanted to send Save-The-Date Cards. Well, she did. And then before we sent STD cards Fiance and I went thru his mom’s list and put quite a few on the back up list, without even thinking that she had already asked them for the address so they prob assummed they were invited. Well, needless to say Future Mother-In-Law was very Surprised when she heard that quite a few of them didn’t get an invite and she had already asked for their address. I told her to mail a Christmas card LOL.

Post # 11
70 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think Fiance needs to let them know they aren’t invited if that is the direction you’d go. They might have already made plans to attend.

Post # 12
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Pumpkin_Bee:  Based on what you said when requesting the address, you implied it as an informal save the date request. If I was these people I would be expecting an invite. Ultimately, it’s your decision, and if you don’t have it in your budget to invite these people then don’t send them save the dats, if you do, then maybe consider just inviting them.

Post # 13
859 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

You could put them on your b list and send them invites if enough people can’t make it.  If you don’t invite them I would deffinately send them a wedding announcement.

Post # 14
9075 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Truthfully, if you asked me for my address, regardless in what form, I’d forget I gave it to you and probably would never notice if an invite came or not.

Post # 15
3264 posts
Sugar bee

@Pumpkin_Bee:  No.  There are plenty of reasons to ask for addresses other then wedding invites

Post # 16
3689 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@drummerbride:  +1.  By saying you needed their address because you got engaged, you were essentially telling them that you intend to send an invitation.  

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