"I better be invited!" Uhhh…

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: What would you do?
    Wait til she brings it up again : (28 votes)
    28 %
    Break it to her now : (20 votes)
    20 %
    Ignore her forever : (53 votes)
    52 %
  • Post # 3
    906 posts
    Busy bee

    I would just tell her that you are having a small wedding, family and friends that both you and your fi know. Simple as that. There was this one girl I knew who invited herself to my high school grad party and even though I stuck the bullet and letted her come, I totally regretted it.

    Post # 4
    855 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2008

    I just wouldn’t say anything. I mean seriously… there were lots of people who thought they were getting an invite to our wedding. If you were invited, then you were. If you weren’t then you’ll figure it out eventually. There’s no reason for you to state what will eventually become painfully obvious.

    I had a friend who involved herself in every part of the wedding planning process possible that she could. Every time she asked me if she could come with when I mentioned that I was going to this city to look at and possibly buy these things for the wedding, I’d say sure, come along. She still didn’t get an invite to the wedding. 

    Post # 5
    1028 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    @DJones69:  Damn lol, that is COLD! But I agree that you dont need to explain anything to her. When she doesnt receive an invitation then she will know she’s not invited. If she happens to mention it again BEFORE the wedding actually takes place, tell her its not happening. No need to be apologetic – you’re entitled to invite whomever you want and she doesnt make the cut.


    Post # 6
    595 posts
    Busy bee

    I think you’re on the right track with the phrase “I wish we could…” which is probably the most polite, yet vaguely honest response.  As long as you convey that she should not be expecting an invitation, while seeming to regret that such is the case, you should be on solid ground, etiquette-wise.  Of course, if you truly want to end this one-sided imaginary friendship, perhaps “I’m sorry, only our close friends and family will be invited” might do the trick.  Good luck!

    Post # 8
    8720 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I think people overthink this stuff. When I got engaged I had people say the same stuff to me and ask about their invites. Honestly, I didn’t invite them and they never actually asked or said anything afterward. I’m willing to bet they dont even really care. I wouldn’t say anything (or even waste time thinking about it)

    Post # 9
    5697 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    Dont say anything, until she asks about it, IF she does. Just send your invites and move on.

    Post # 11
    3265 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    @cjah:  Unless you have a huge guestlist and are inviting practically everyone, there will be more people asking as you get closer to the wedding. Stack up the lines now and keep them in the back of your mind. I’ve used “Sorry, my family is really large and space is super limited. I wish we could!” quite a bit.

    Post # 12
    2851 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @cjah:  I know; we have had to deal with a few of those. We really are not able to invite everyone! If they can have the balls to ask for an invite, you can give them big balls right back!

    Post # 13
    11469 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper

    @cjah:  I used “DH has a huge family….” as an excuse to not invite people. It was the truth so no harm there.

    I had a friend constantly post on FB that she hadn’t recieved her invitation. She actually started to make travel plans with a friend of mine (that was invited) until I had to tell her that unfortunately I “couldn’t have all my friends attend.” She now ignores me to high heaven any time I try to communicate. Oh well.

    Post # 14
    4163 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

    The line about sharing the guest list with your in-laws is perfect- save it if you need it. I wouldn’t bring it up, unless she does.

    Post # 15
    2649 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010


    “We’re having a very small wedding and unfortunately won’t be able go invite everyone we would like “

     But honestly, I think you did the right thing just not answering her. It was a pushy and inappropriate thing to say so don’t worry about it. If she forces the issue, use the “small wedding” line.  

    Post # 16
    4135 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I had a “friend” like this. She assumed she would be invited and made cute little remarks like that.. the semi threat. Ignore forever. 

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