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As soon as we got engaged, we began talking about budget and we capped the dress budget at $2000, but I think my fiance was being hopeful that it would be more in the $1000 range or under.
I was open to trying on all sorts of styles. I just knew I wanted to find one that I could see myself wearing on the wedding day and one that made me feel beautiful. I got myself a ton of bridal magazines and began collecting ideas. Maybe this is where I started it off all wrong, because most of them are higher end... but at this point I was just collecting ideas. I found two in particular that stood out to me, one was the Melissa Sweet Cossima and the other was the Jim Hjelm 8962, both of which had trunk shows in Atlanta that weekend. It wouldn't hurt just to go and try them on first, right??
I was SO wrong. I never bought into the idea of "the one," or thought that existed until I tried on the Jim Hjelm. I completely fell in love with the dress, and every other dress I tried on after that just did not look or feel good at all.
I know it's really silly of me because it's a dress I'll be wearing for probably only 4-5 hours, but I spent the whole weekend crying because I knew it was way over the budget, yet I couldn't get my mind off of it.
I talked to my friends and other people who gave me mixed advice. Some told me it's my wedding day and I'm allowed to splurge, while others told me I should have never been trying on dresses out of my price range.
I presented my dilemma to my fiance, who I ended up taking to the bridal shop to show him. (Ideally, I would have wanted it to be a surprise, but I knew he would never go for it unless he saw for himself how much I wanted it and how great it looked on me.) He agreed and finally gave in knowing that I probably wouldn't be happy any other way.
The dress even at its discounted price after tax ended up being $4300, and because I'm so petite and short, I would never be able to sell it afterwards. Now, I'm being forced to cut back in every other area of our budget, which makes planning ten times more difficult, and it looks like we might even have to cut down on guests. Was I being too selfish? I just feel really guilty and like a total brat, and it doesn't look like I will ever hear the end of it.
IMG_8668-Editx.jpg (106.3 KB, 71 downloads) 2 years old 
Don't feel guilty! I feel the exact same way as you - I'd like to cap the dress off at $2000, but if I find the one, I'll spend more. As long as you feel good and are contributing, it's your budget too... and when he sees you radiant on your wedding day, he won't be thinking about the money.
I mean, personally, I wouldn't have done it. But guests and such are more important to me than the dress, and I wouldn't want to struggle in all areas of the budget just because I splurged on the dress. That dress is really beautiful, but I probably would have continued looking for something with a similar style.
You do look gorgeous in the dress though.
everyone has different priorities. it's ok if yours is the dress! mine definitley is NOT a big guest list... and sometimes i feel bad about that, but that's just me. don't feel bad for liking certain things!
In all honesty, I would feel guilty too. I personally do not think you did the right thing. The dress is absolutely gorgeous, but part of marriage is compromise, and you and your FH made a financial agreement. I understand he "agreed" to the final price, but it may have been hard for him to say no to the woman he loves in a gorgeous dress.
I think how you feel is how you feel. Everyone is different, and what they decide ultimately will be right for them.
I was in a similar situation. I fell in love with a $4200 designer gown, and after trying on everything else in the world, nothing else felt right to me. It was really unique and no other less expensive designers had anything like it. I talked to my husband (FI at the time) and finally, he decided I should get it because he saw how happy it made me. After a few months of thinking about it, I decided against it because it was $4200 BEFORE tax and alterations! I just couldn't do it, personally, because it took away money that woul dhave been OUR money (stuff for both my husband and I, and his suit was far less expensive).
I ended up just saying screw it and got a tea-length BM dress in white :)
There are times I wonder if I should had gone for the designer dress because yeah, it made me feel amazing. But for the most part, I truly believe that I would have felt amazing on my wedding regardless because I was getting married (and I did feel amazing in my little $250 dress :). So for me, in the end, it wasn't about the dress. BUT everyone's different, and I never judge the girls that go for their dream dress because for them, it's worth it.
Yikes - that's a tough one. I think it's important to feel happy about your dress, but I guess it's another thing when you are saying it's affecting other aspects of the wedding which may be important to your FI (such as being able to afford to invite a certain number of guests). Personally, I would have kept looking for a dress that I liked but also fit into the budget. Maybe at some point your FI will find some other details that are important to HIM and decide to splurge on those things, and it will take some of the guilt off of you. :)
For what it's worth, it's a beautiful dress and you look great in it!
I think the hardest part about it was also the fact that these dresses takes 5 and a 1/2 months to be made and to get back to us, and our wedding is only 6 months away, so a lot of our decisions are having to be made now. Plus, with the trunk show being there only over the weekend, I only had a few days to make the decision... and that weekend was super emotional. It's too late to cancel the order now, but I've been having a lot of doubts about it afterward. Guess, I'll just have to make the most of it at this point!
If he agreed I think he's wrong to 'not let you hear the end of it'. Once you agree to something IMO you give up the right to constantly make someone else feel bad about it.
I wouldn't have bought the dress in your shoes (though it is gorgeous). But you did and he agreed so he should shut up about it. :)
In the long run 2,000 is not so much money. I don't know your budget but I imagine it's a lot more - so eh. It's only money.
You still MAY be able to sell it. There are other petite girls out there!
I think you look beautiful and you should feel the best you possibly can on your day. That being said, there may be other options to get the look you want for much cheaper. A friend of mine consulted with Julius Bridal and showed them the dress she wanted and they replicated it for MUCH MUCH less. You don't have to go to NYC to get a dress because they will ship it to you. I don't mind trying on dresses that are significantly out of my price range because I know I can go here and have them make it for less. It may not be a perfect replica but it may be a good compromise that would make both you and your FI happy. It might be worth your while to call them just to see if it's a significant difference in price.
Having to cut back on guests is still just an option at this point. We were planning on having a smaller more intimate wedding to begin with and trying to have it anywhere from 120-150 guests. My FI and I both agreed that's how we wanted our wedding to be and we wanted to make sure we knew everyone who was at our wedding, but then we sat down with the parents who both have giant lists of their own. We finally made a compromise to have to do a separate reception for the parents, because our venue only holds 150, but a lot of the guests are still a part of their lists and we had to cut back on our lists (which is a separate issue). I'm sure I'm not alone with the stresses of figuring out guest lists.
Also - don't assume you won't be able to sell it afterwards just because you are petite and short! I am petite and short and I'm sure there's plenty of other brides your size that would want that dress. In fact, I think there's a lack of preowned dresses in small sizes, so it may work to your advantage. Plus, it's a recent design and very beautiful - I think that if you wanted to recoup some of what you paid, you could totally do it.
Did you look for a used version first?
I agree with meliss--there is always a chance you can sell it--there are other shorties out there!
Honestly? I don't think you made the right call on this one. The dress is stunning, but if you and your FI had an agreement to spend X on a dress (as part of your overall budget) you didn't show him a whole lot of respect when you doubled that budget. I think the dress is amazing, but just consider how you would feel if your FI went out and bought a 5K Armani tuxedo to wear for 5 hours. A tuxedo that meant you couldn't invite certain guests, have certain food, etc. I think your dress was a game-changer to your wedding budget, and I don't think it was the most mature decision. A few suggestions:
Can you return the dress, or is it too late for that?
If you can't return it, is it possible the seamstress can only do a basted hem, rather than cut the dress? If your height makes the dress impossible to resell, I would have her baste the hem up lightly, rather than cut the dress. That way, you could take the hem out after the wedding and the dress would be much more sell-able.
Even if you do sell the dress after the wedding though, that money will not be avaliable to use NOW for planning the wedding. Will you regret wearing a dress that made it necessary to compromise the vision you had for your day?
I also wanted to add, I was stressing out about the guest count in the beginnning but now people I was sure were going to attend are dropping left and right, so we may not even have the number of people we hoped for! Sometimes these things have a way of working themselves out. Your dress is gorgeous, I'd just enjoy it and not worry too much.
Don't feel guilty, feel grateful. Love you dress and enjoy the moment and be thankfull that you found someone who cares so much about your happiness.
I don't think you just have to cut back on guests to make it work....can you cut back on your day to day spending or sell some old clothes at a consignment shop..whatever to help make up some of the difference?
since you bought the dress already and you don't want opinions on the budget thing, I won't say what i'm really thinking. but, if you must have this dress instead of the other things, at least it's a lovely dress and looks great on you.
I have definitely looked and even my FI helped me do research on other options for the dress with replicas and looking for pre-owned dresses... but it wasn't looking very good. I wouldn't have minded on going with a replica if I could see a photo of an actual replica, but none of the sites that I looked at had photos of ones that they had made, which didn't make me feel very comfortable. Plus, I always hear about scams that they try to go behind your back and use cheaper fabrics.
I'm planning on putting it in the classified afterwards, if anyone does want to pick it up. :)
You were pressed to make a big decision in a quick amount of time. I do agree that you over-spent (even if you do look great in the dress) and I can see how he's upset that this is going to cost other things. BUT if he's constantly harping you about it when you've already made the commitment to the dress, he's being needlessly mean.
The issue here is to talk about how you can make up the difference and still have the sort of wedding you want in the dress you want. Not just in terms of guests, food, drink (though you could look at doing fewer appetizers, a less expensive meal choice, limiting the bar). How much more can you be saving each month for the wedding? Can you earn extra income? Put a moratorium on all clothes/entertainment/non-essential purchases/eat lunch and dinner in every day? What's done is done - no sense in being guilty over it - just look at your whole financial picture to see how you can make up the shortfall.
the dress looks great on you! i bet you could still find someone interested in your dress after if you want to try and sell it. you never know!
just be sure to be really aware of your budget now and although you may never hear the end of it, you will feel amazing! you always have the things you end up splurging on and this is yours.
give your FI a big hug and kiss for letting you have your dream dress!
I just wanted to say 2 things:
1. I did EXACTLY the SAME thing! My dress budget was $2000, found my gorgeous Jim Hjelm and HAD TO HAVE IT! Doubled my budget and I have to tell you - it was WORTH.EVERY.PENNY!!! That one splurge made me so ENORMOUSLY happy that I cannot even explain.
2. You look FABULOUS in that dress!!
I think it depends on you.
One of the basic rules of wedding planning is identify a few important elements, spend the money on those elements to make yourself happy, and be flexible with other parts of your wedding.
IMO, if the dress is one of the elements that is the most important to you...then you did the right thing. If it's not one of the most important elements...well it is now and you are going to have to give up other things to compromise. But you know this.
On the upside, you look so happy and beautiful! I hope I have that same expression when I find my dress. You look like you are so happy you can barely breathe! :)
I don't mean to make you feel more guilty, but in my opinion it was kind of selfish and unfair to your fiance. Like you said you'll probably only wear it for 4-5 hours... your fiance just paid $1,000 an hour for a dress. But what's done is done and for what it's worth, you look stunning in it! I'm sure your fiance will get over it sooner than later, dear. Happy planning!
I hope you're able to talk everything over and that it works out for you! I would post the dress for sale just in case too. Good luck to you!
I think the important thing here is going to be what you take away from it about how to make decisions together in the future. It sounds like he needs to commit to telling you how he really feels about major decisions--not saying yes when he's not really comfortable with the decision--and then not giving you grief if he changes his mind later. You might need to commit to listening to him when he's trying to express his feelings on the issue, and not pressuring him into a decision he's uncomfortable with. And maybe you both can agree that the next time you're thinking about spending that much money you should sleep on it for a few days first to make sure you're both really comfortable with it.
If you can't cancel the dress deposit now, though, don't beat yourself up about it. Enjoy the prettiness - and maybe try to sell it when you're done. There are other petite brides out there!
You look like a princess in the dress. You look radiant.
Your FI is extremely generous and must love you a ton to agree to let you buy a dress that was twice your (in my opinion, already high) budget. I wouldn't have set my heart on a dress way out of my budget, but everyone's situation is different, and it seems like you can afford it. I may be over-generalizing, but if you can afford to spend $2000 on a dress you will wear for 5-6 hours, you could probably spend $4000 without breaking the bank.
I'm all for an expensive dress if you can afford it, but not at the guests' expense. A lot of people think it's in bad taste if a bride has a really pricey dress but only serves the guests appetizers or something.
Yes, I agree. haha I don't think we're going to cut on food. We still want yummy food and appetizers for our guests. I think that's more of an extreme scenario. Right now we're probably looking at cutting more on accessories and shoes first. Then going into florists and DJs.
I do understand that it is just bad taste to cut back significantly on guests or food just because of the cost of the dress.
I guess the guest list was also totally separate issue I threw in. I personally don't like the idea of having a huge wedding and having people there who I have absolutely no idea who they are... which my FI and I talked about, but we can't really disagree with the parents who are still pitching in on part of the budget. They deserve to have their people come, too. It would just be nicer if we knew them is all. :)
I agree with PPs:
Good luck. I've been learning to accept that the wedding planning process is like practice for the marriage: the way you handle making all the difficult decisions you make now, gives you practice for the even bigger, harder decisions in the future. When you get through the wedding together, you'll know you'll get through life together.
Oh, Jim Hjelm. Why do you make such beautiful, expensive dresses that lead even the most frugal girls astray? I also did exactly the same thing!! I guess there are at least three of us out there.
I really, really thought buying an expensive dress was silly. I'm a practical girl! I didn't have any "moments" when trying on wedding dresses! I systematically tried on dress after dress to find something I liked for under $1500, until...
I saw the JH 8810 (a cheap replica on ebay! I was looking for a cheap dress, remember?) and could not get that dress out of my mind. I had dreams about it!! It was love at first sight, and when we finally met I just knew I had to have that dress. And then I went home and cried tears of happiness. Over a dress!!
I feel really guilty too, but there is no looking back for us. We have so many options where we can cut back: flowers, DJ, invitations, number of guests. We can make it work.
One of the topics on our engagement retreat this weekend was "decisions" and other was "fighting fair."
On the decision front, it sounds like you made the decision together to splurge, so you BOTH have to own up to the effects of that decision, good or bad. Maybe he didn't get to think as long as he would have liked, and maybe he's now seeing the effects he didn't think about. HOWEVER, he did say, yes.
I wouldn't have been able to make that decision. I also had a $2000 budget, and I almost splurged on a $2500 Justin Alexander, however, the alterations and everything would have been painful. I found one in my budget and I love it more than the Justin... I also found a Kenneth Pool on "sale" that I was tempted by, but again, I tried to make a "rational" decision, and I don't regret it.
My biggest concern, is your alterations. Do you need many? Because honestly your timeline scares the living crud out of me.... I really don't want to worry you, or stress you out, but you're cutting it really close.... That right there would have been my "out" for emotional regret of "what if I had the dress."
My honest opinion was that this was not a good move. Is there any way that you could pay the difference yourself?
Oooh, a suggestion that might make you feel better, I don't know what your shoe and accessory budget is like but have you thought about wearing things you already own? That way it's your outfit that cost that much. :)
Also I second what someone said above, if this dress makes you really really happy - then it is really really important.
I COULD pay for it on my own, but in the end our money is coming from the same pool now and all our financial decisions affect the both of us... so it really doesn't matter who's pocket it comes out of right now. I was just so happy in the dress, who knew it would bring so much grief for the both of us in the end!
Yes everything is being cut SO short!! 6 months is such a short time to plan a wedding. They estimated that the dress will come in June-July. How long do alterations take usually?
I also believe it wasn't a good way to go. Overbudget by a few hundred, OK. But over double your budget? I think you cornered him by taking him there.
I think yoou should either pay for the difference yourself. (Ie. giving up lattes or massages, or regular clothing expenses,). Or if you can't make that up, I think you should try to get you money back, or possibly see if you can let your deposit stand nad work with a less expensive dress at the store. The dress is lovely, but I think you can find something to work with that looks very similar.
Alterations on a dress like that?! My simple Nicole Miller dress took a month - 6 weeks. You are going to pay a premium to have someone rush that for you, in addition to the many alterations that need to be done. I'm average sized and had a SIMPLE dress, and it had to be altered on the sides, straps, hems, bustle. Yours looks a littttle more complicated.
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