- 3 years ago
- Wedding: May 2015
It’s taken me a few months to write this, and I’m not sure any of y’all will care, but I used to post occasionally on this site and really enjoyed it.
In the middle of August I broke up with my FI. I had been unhappy with our relationship for months and finally decided I couldn’t stay in the relationship and I couldn’t marry him. By the time I broke up with him, I was not at all in love with him. I didn’t cry when we were done talking, I just instantly felt this huge sense of relief and a very deep-seeded sense of joy. I really feel like I spent so many months working through my unhappiness that I was completely done grieving the loss of the relationship before I had even ended it.
He frequently put me down- he flaunted the fact that he was a petroleum engineer and I was “just” a business major. He would often brag about his job, then turn to me with a pitying look on his face and go “Oh does it hurt your feelings when I talk about my job? I know you’ll never have one as good as mine.” The worst part was I was SO supportive of his job, yet he looked down on me so badly since I am getting my degree in something he viewed as lesser.
He was also very jealous- almost to the point where he was controlling. I wasn’t allowed to hang out with people (even in a group setting) if there were more guys present than girls present. He would go through my phone every chance he got. He would question me intensely every time I added a male on Facebook. If a guy flirted with me at all, he wouldn’t talk to me for days as my punishment for “obviously making the guy think I would be receptive to flirting”. If I ever talked about a male friend to him, he would get very angry and begin saying nastily cruel things about him to me.
His mom also absolutely hated me. She loved me until he told her he wanted to propose, and all of the sudden a switch flipped and I was the enemy. The breaking point for me was when at a large extended dinner, she loudly announced in front of EVERYONE (siblings, aunts, uncles, grandparents) that she didn’t think I was good enough for her son. My FI sat there laughing. When I tried to talk to him about how he didn’t stand up for me, he got mad at me and started telling me it was my fault she didn’t like me because I was “too sensitive”. That stung.
Since I ended things, he hasn’t handled it well. Three weeks after we broke up, he called me and told me a series of cruel things, the worst of which was “I realized I could never marry you when I came to understand that you and I are going to amount to very very different things in life. I’m better than you will ever be.” He and his family are telling everyone (we are from the same hometown) that I broke up with him for another guy. Meanwhile, I’m telling people the truth- we just weren’t right for each other, we weren’t happy, and I wish him the very best.
Through our entire relationship, he hated my best friend since childhood so much that he didn’t even want me hanging around her. About a week after we broke up, he began texting her multiple times every day. It’s been months now and he still does it even though she doesn’t really reply. Yesterday, he texted her to tell her that he actually met his new current girlfriend while he and I were still dating (a year and a half ago) and that he instantly knew he wanted her but didn’t want to physically cheat on me because it would make him look bad, so he has been (in his words) “doing all the cheating I desired right in my head for the last year and a half until I could make it real!”. I’m not entirely sure why he’s telling her that, maybe because he knows she’ll tell me and wants to make me sad. It doesn’t make me sad at all. It makes me glad I got away from a person that spiteful and immature before I married him.
Once I broke up with him, I was instantly a changed person. When I wake up in the mornings, I’m just naturally happier than I have ever been in my life. I’ve even been on a few dates- and am just seeing where things go with an awesome guy. I’m taking things very slow and making sure not to rush into anything with anyone. Mainly though, I’m focusing on discovering myself. We started dating when I was 15 and I’m now 21. I don’t think our relationship failed because we were too young, I think it just failed because we weren’t right together. His behavior since the breakup has really solidified that for me.
I know nobody here probably even remembers who I am, but I just wanted to close out my membership on this website. I used to lurk a lot and posted a decent amount, and this is my goodbye. It’s been so lovely being a member of this website, and I hope that someday I’m back on here engaged to someone who can value me for who I am and is the right person for me! Much love and happy wedding planning to you all!