- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
Ugh, I am so, SO sorry. I wish I knew what to say to make you feel better -- for now, just sending you major, major hugs.
this happened to my friend, too recently and it was just the most hurtful thing. my heart hurt for you. it seems crazy and unfair, but maybe that's just how he's coping - he may not be actually ready to move on. hang in there, girl, time is a great mender.
Yeah, it's never a good idea to go poking around in email/FB messages, but I understand the urge to do that. I'm so sorry that you found that out but at least now you know for sure that it isn't meant to be with him.
I am so sorry. That is low of him. But, if anything, it should make you feel better about your decision. Obviously he didn't love and care for you like you deserve if he can move on so fast. This should help you feel better and move on with your life. He isn't worth the time, especially if he isn't giving it to you.
I'm sorry this is happening for you... At least you can take some comfort in the fact that your antennas were well tuned, and you knew that there were problems.
It'll be a process to heal, but there are going to be some amazing learning experiences along the way... and some great things for you at the end of it all.
Big hugs, and hang in there! We'll be thinking about you :)
*HUGS* I'm so sorry you had to see that message. But I def get snooping through Fb/email. At least you found out now before the wedding that this wasn't the right man for you. Even though you are going through a rough time, just know that you will find someone who loves and respects you the way you deserve.
what a moron! i would be sooo upset too! just try and refrain yourself from logging in anymore- match.com- wth?!
Im so so so sorry this is happening!! What a jerk, you deserve so much better. Try not to sit around and cry anymore, f*** that!!! If he is doing it then you go do it too! Contact a nice guy friend or even an ex or friends and go have dinner or something functional. It isnt going to get better so mind as well try to move on ASAP for your happiness and sake! This type of shit really gets me tight!!! Did you have any hints or red flags at all about him when you were together??? I mean, planning a wedding with someone is a big step, and for him to move on so quicky, he must have been doing it way before!
Honey this should just reaffirm that you are doing the RIGHT THING! He's a piece of crap with obviously zero feelings or sense of normalcy. I know you are hurting right now, though. But man, he's just...he's something else!
Maybe it's best you know? Now you know he's such a punk...I dunno if it helps to move on or not, but i'm sure in the future it'll all come full circle to you!
I am so sorry. My heart goes out to you. I really wish you never had to experience any of this. I guess the only bright side is that you will never second guess your decision of breaking the wedding off. He sounds like a real jerk and never even deserved you. Surround yourself with friends and family and focus on taking care of you.
Thank GOD you got out when you did!! This man is poison. Good on you for being strong enough to walk away. This was the best decision you've made thus far, I have no doubt.
My advice..pack up his stuff FOR him...take your keys back...and make sure he doesn't have access to anything of yours. Maybe he is jumping back in the dating pool as a coping mechanism, or maybe he is looking for someone else to order his life...but a clean break hurts badly but heals cleanly. I am not a proponent of the e-mail/internet snooping...but you did it..and it turned out to be a good thing...water under the bridge now. All you can do is move forward.
im so sorry... i do understand and i been there. i can tell you to keep going on with your life, i wont be easy believe me, but you need to try. right now the best thing is to get everythign of his stuff out of the house. use some days for emotional standby cry because you need it. then start your life as a single women and let time pass before you jump into another serious relationship. with this situation you will learn and grow... dont worry every women go through this
That totally sucks :( Not to jump on his side of things, but maybe he is just as hurt as you and doesn't know what else to do except to start talking to other people to get his mind off of YOU? I know, lame excuse if that's the case, but you never know... I think he is just weak, kind of sounded like it in your original post too, and can't stand on his own.
At any rate, I think you should eat all the ice cream you want & watch all the SATC you want & cry all you want. Get it all out and then move ahead. You are strong & will end up with someone a lot better for you, girl! :)
People grieve in different ways. We've all heard of the rebound girl. I don't think it makes him a scumbag to be getting out there already. He may not be ready to deal with his feelings about the break up. Or maybe he already has. You said in your other post that "he didn't even fight you on the breakup" so it is very possible that he has seen this coming for some time; it seems as though you two went through a lot together. It is entirely possible that he dealt with his feelings on the end of the relationship while you were still together, which, though sad to think about, turned out to be what happened to you two anyway. I think you are right to acknowledge that you are in a weird-fragile place right now, but obviously Facebook stalking him is not going to help you heal. I'm sorry you are going through such a rough time, and I hope that you can find ways to help yourself get through it.
Owowow. *hugs* Regardless of WHY he's doing it, the fact that he's already throwing himself back into the dating pool must hurt!
Agree that the best thing is to pack up his stuff for him and cut all contact. It's easier to regain your personal equillibrium when there's nothing around you to serve as a reminder of what's past. (Maybe hint to him that he ought to change his password? Otherwise the temptation to snoop may be too much and keep you from moving on?)
i'm sorry to hear this. I know there isn't anything we can say to make you feel better, but I will say that it sounds like he's trying really hard to move on. Everyone reacts differently to breakups. And I would never judge for logging onto the FB account, I would probably do exactly the same thing.
I'm really sorry you're going through this. If it's any consolation, his sudden willingness to move on could very well be his inability to deal with the situation right now. Sometimes people just push things out of their mind and move forward so they don't have to actually focus on the pain and drama that's going on.
I'm with okqueenbee and tulip - I think this is his way of getting over you on steroids. My guess is that he's also at a loss and just needs to get his mind off you, so he's using other outlets.
I'm so sorry this is happening. Definitely feel free to vent to us as much as you need to.
I keep telling myself that he is a passive and quiet person. My best friend said that he is probably already looking for someone else to "order his life" for him since I'm not there to do it. She reminded me of the episode of SATC where Samantha meets the sweater-guy at the coffee shop and is determined to change him. She hates the sweater he is wearing and he tells her his ex-g/f bought it for him. She buys him a new one but eventually gets tired of his passiveness. By the end of the episode, she has moved on and he is back at the coffee shop telling a new woman about the sweater Samantha bought him.
I know he may just be trying to move on, but the fact that 2 days ago he was telling me how much he loved me (we were together for 2 years people!) and crying, and a mere 48 hours later and he has joined a dating website and is emailing a new girl? Breaks my heart. It just seems so disrespectful.
Wow, what a disgusting thing to do. Be thankful that you got away from this now... he couldn't have loved you enough to marry you if he did something that horrible to you. I wish you all the best in getting over it, and I hope that you take a time out soon to do something just for you to make you feel better. It's over and you're going to be a much happier person now!
HUGS. Sorry. Know that you made the right decision. Something inside you told that, originally (though I don't know the original story).
I understand the urge to snoop in. For some reason I'm not so sure this snoop in episode was a mistake (THIS time). I would not do it again or make this a habit. But I think that this was a very important thing to know. He starts seeing other women this quickly? That is something to pay attention to, it is something that tells you he was definitely not the one.
Then again as other people are saying it could be just a major defense mechanism around the breaking up, something that anyone else might do out of shock or out of not being able to deal with the pain. It's a possibility. So maybe jumping to demonize him (just yet) isn't the way to go. He could be a scumbag he might not be.
No matter what, I agree with people who are saying take care of yourself. Do what you feel like doing. Cry as much as you want. Let it all out. Lie around, eat ice cream, watch tv (perfectly normal). Do all of that. Reach out to people for support, too.
Im with bridepower on this one!!
Best wishes for the future chickee.. only onwards and upwards from here! (well thats the plan right?)
Let it go. If you've broken up, and its final then just.let.it.go.
Get every bit of him out of your life, his stuff, his photos, everything. And then pick yourself up and carry on. Obviously he's not sitting at home, eating ice cream and crying about you, so why should you give him that privilege in your life while he's out meeting people he found on Match.com...
And I know this is a little harsh, but now that you've broken up, he is no longer accountable to you, no matter what he does ... Its his life now, to run as he pleases.
Hugs, and sorry for the controversial point of view. I think its just best to hold yourself up and get over it with dignity and class.
I'm just so sorry. This will obviously be hard for a while. I wish you the strength you need to get through it and come out better on the other side.
ugh that sucks! Whatever his reason, you might suggest to him that he change his passwords -its probably the best protection for you to not see any more stuff like that as the urge will be too great and you will just keep getting depressed with what you find!
you did the right thing - I dated this guy for several years and now that I am married to the right guy, I am 100% sure that while we loved each other there was no way possible for us to be in a strong marriage for the same reasons you broke up. Try and keep yourself busy with friend and family and keep reminding yourself why you made this very important decision!
am so sorry u must be feeling so awful and that is perfectly ok.u dedictated ur life to this man and now he seems like he just doesnt care.i really not sure what to tell u than hang in there.but what i kn u should do is never let him see u down.i kn it will be extremely painful.put on make up get dressed up u probably wont feel like it but get out the house .grab a real amazing girlfriend whom u trust and can confide in go to the movie no chick flick.even if u cry while ur out do somthing out the house.cuz the more u stay home the more depressed ull get and make ur self sick.maybe he lord has better plans for ur life u may not want to hear that now i kn but ask the lord to guide u through this and lead u to light.best of luck.
Wow I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I can't believe he's on match.com already. Like you said it hasn't even been a week. I know it will hurt for awhile but you will move on and find someone that deserves you and makes you super happy in all aspects of your relationship. Sounds like your ex just needs to grow up and start doing things for himself.
You should do the following: Get a new haircut, something sassy and fun! Go out with girlfriends to movies, drinks, dinner, Explore new things (hobbies, workout class- I'm not saying you have to work out but I know it makes me feel better and looking hot is the best revenge!) I think once you start doing more things and meeting new people you will start thinking about him less!
Aww.. I am so sorry that this happened to you! The exact same thing happened to one of my friends; broken off engagement, she moved out, and he was back on match.com immediately and going out on dates. The breakup was a complete surprise to her; she didn't realize that he had been thinking about it for a long time before he finally broke off their engagement.
Just give it time. I know that it hurts so much now, but it's going to get better eventually. Try to be strong, and in the meantime, go spend time with your girlfriends, get out of the house, distract yourself while you're going through the healing process. It helps a lot :)
I am so sorry that you are going through this right now. Just my opinion from past experience and much time for reflection...while this isn't easy to hear, my guess is that he probably emotionally checked out of the relationship a long time ago, which is why he didn't put up a fight about the relationship and is why he's already on match.com. He's ready to move on (and def not the right person for you). I know how tempting it is to go online and look stuff up, but you must clear out those passwords and not look at any more information. I promise that all it will do is continue to hurt you, and that is the last thing you need right now.
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| Lyndzo | 37 |
| Ms. Salamander | 23 |
| beargoose | 21 |
| rebwana | 21 |
| mypinkshoes | 20 |
| his chippymunk | 20 |
| LammChop | 17 |
| fivemonthsnotice | 17 |
| AshleyR83 | 16 |
| Jenlon | 15 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| mightywombat | 2 |
| bookworm88 | 2 |
| hammerpants | 2 |
| imageeksowhat | 2 |
| rebwana | 2 |
| RayKay | 2 |
| Rivendeler | 2 |
| Ms. Salamander | 2 |
| melisslp | 1 |
| GoldfishPie | 1 |
So we broke up 3 days ago. Like I said before, this time it seemed really final. I changed my status on facebook, and he did too. He is coming over today to get some stuff while I'm at class. I've been holding up okay but last night I got my heart broken all over again.
So all of his facebook passwords are saved on my computer. And in a moment of ice-cream-eating/Sex & The City watching-induced CRAZYNESS I logged in and wanted to look at him profile (I logged in under his username).
I know, I know. It was totally wrong and I shouldn't have done it. I know. Obviously I'm in a fragile weird place right now, and if you go snooping in someones Facebook inbox you should just be prepared for what you find.
But guys.... he is emailing a girl. And he met her on Match.com. He already signed up for Match.com!!!!!!!!!! His emails are like "Yeah just hoping to start dating again, want to get out there...blah blah... looking for something fun."
WHAT???
I'm at home, crying my eyes out-- and he is already emailing another girl with winky-face emoticons in the messages???? I want to die.
I just don't understand when you say you love someone and want ot marry them, and LIVE together, and then something really really bad happens, you can't wait a WEEK before you go out looking for a replacement?