(Closed) I broke up with my fiance and now I’m back with my ex LONG

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3601 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

If I were your friend or sister, I would say that maybe gtting married so quickly is not a great idea. I can’t advise you to get married or not, but I think maybe you should give it a few more months to let the emotional turmoil subside.

Post # 4
Member
1335 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I remember your earlier post and the difficulties you were going through. I’m so happy things have worked out for the best. Although the pain your are both feeling with ex-fiances and your families must be difficult, it is great that you both were able to overcome that and find love together. Time will heal all wounds. I think it was so smart of you to follow your heart. Life is too short to live a life of regrets.

However, although I don’t know the dynamics of your relationship, I really feel getting married in 30 days may be too soon. So just please be sure that you and Andrew take your time in strengthening your relationship because you are both experiencing so many emotions at this time. Wishing you all the best.

Post # 5
Member
1231 posts
Bumble bee

Don’t you think you might be jumping in a little too quickly? I mean you just reconnected with an old flame and broke up with someone you have spent years with and loved. I’m not saying that you should never marry him, you two may be soulmates, but I don’t know. From the outsider perspective, I would say maybe get to know him again and make sure that its what you REALLY REALLY want. Plus you know your ex-fiance is going to find out and he already is devestated by what happened, do you really want to hurt him more??

That’s definately a tough situation to be in, and you may have to get used to your families disliking your decision (i.e. his family not liking you and the other way around). But if your happy, I hope everything works out and you are definately right. It is ok to change your mind, but try to keep the other persons feelings in mind when you do it.

Post # 6
Member
9825 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

That read like a novel. I’m really not sure what to say, other that I think getting married this quickly is a bad idea. What’s wrong with being alone for awhile and letting yourself mourn your breakup?

Post # 7
Member
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@helenberrycrunch: I could not have stated it better. Although you may have poignant and relevant feelings for Andrew, perhaps waiting a minute until the emotional turmoil settles down is wise. I hope you don’t take offense, but with so much going on, it might be hard to see clearly. Emotions are a tricky and delicate thing, it may be best to make sure our decisions aren’t born out of emotionalism and more out of rationalism. You know your situation better than anyone here, so you have a clearer picture of every aspect, but I just say be careful.

Post # 8
Member
1629 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Yeah the first thing that comes to my mind is ouch!  You’re getting married the day before your original wedding date to someone else?  That seems like a slam to your EX-FI.  I’m super glad you found the one, but I would wait like six months to not cause even more emotional upset all around.

Post # 9
Member
305 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Not to be a naysayer, but I gotta agree with everyone else. Getting married -so- soon after such an emotionally devastating and tumultuous episode might not be the best idea. You have to remember that while you were totally sold out in love with “Andrew” -you- weren’t the one who ended the relationship the last time around, he was, and rather suddenly (and a little selfishly, if you ask me). I’m not saying that he doesn’t love you as much as you love him, or that he hasn’t matured since college, but you need to give things time and get to know each other as you are now… You’re basing your current relationship off of the old relationship, but you’re different people now, with different lives… It’s like starting all over again with someone totally new. Essentially, while you’ve known him since you were fourteen, he’s a stranger and visa versa. You wouldn’t  jump into marriage with someone you’ve never met before, when you’ve neven properly “dated”. You can’t do that in a case like this, either.

Yeah, I agree that you should trust your heart – but you gotta listen to the mind too and discern what’s best for YOU.

Post # 10
Member
6394 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’m glad things are working out so well for you! Is there a particular reason you guys are running to the JOP so quickly, though? I think maybe taking a few months or a year to get used to being with each other might be a smart decision. 

Post # 11
Member
2214 posts
Buzzing bee

Well it seems like you made the right decision in regards to your ex-FI, but I agree with PPs that it seems like there’s so much happening so fast that you may want to slow it down before getting married.  At least out of respect for your ex-FI, don’t get married so close to the day that you were suppose to marry him.  It just seems wrong, IMO.

Post # 12
Member
189 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@Pink Bubbalicious:
I am happy to hear of a woman that is insightful enough to explore why she has certain feelings and am impressed at your ability to remain strong and do what is best for you.
My only concern would be the reason behind this long winded explanation (however interesting it may be)- is it the need to feel justified in your actions? It almost seems as such. You shouldn’t feel the obligation to do so, to your family or friends, if that is the case. Your friends and family may be upset now, but in the long run how would they have felt if you waited until after the wedding to decide how you felt about your ex boyfriend? It may be hard on your former fiance now, but in the long run, you did him a favor.
Kudos to you for knowing your heart and listening to it and I wish you all the best in your newly rekindled love.

Post # 13
Member
432 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Wow. wow. Really? Wow.

 

Take some time woman! Who knows if this is lust, just one more shot…really, who knows. Wait for the excitement and stuff to settle down.

Post # 14
Member
189 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Whole heartedly agree!! Although the idea of rekindling something that was lost has a certain appeal, you both could be blinded by the romance of it all. It could be only a matter of time before the same problems arise.

Post # 15
Member
562 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Don’t run off and get married so quickly. It’s a slap in the face to your ex and his, as well as your familys. If you love each other enough to get married, you can wait six months- which is still a very short time. Even though you were in a relationship at one point in time, when you break up and go onto another, that time starts over. So if you get married in April, you’re getting married after being together a month. Plan out a new wedding (probably small though) with your new fiance. Don’t miss out on dating, being engaged, etc. because you’re emotional right now. In ten years you’ll regret missing everything with this man, even if you had it with someone else.

Post # 16
Member
1314 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2016

I’m glad you broke it to FI, it’s the best thing, even though it was tough. I partly agree with PP’s, that you might be moving too fast. But if that’s the way you feel about this guy and you’re sure he’s the one (like, forever and ever ONE!), then trust your gut. It’s got you this far. 🙂

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