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How long did you have to wait once you knew he had the ring?

I can feel the proposal coming but can't get over the past...,,

posted 9 months ago in Relationships
  •  
    1.
    Member
    168 posts
    Blushing bee
    azafata    January 20, 2012  

    I've been with my guy for a little over three years now and I have a feeling that he is going to propose within 1-2 months..I know this for sure because we went for our official ring shopping together and he kept saying he'd buy it then when I was there and I didn't let him...I didn't wanna be there when he bought the ring! We don't live together so it's easy for him to go and buy it anyway..

    To cut a long story short, he's a sweet guy and I'm really lucky to have him and our relationship is going really well at the moment but I remember our 2nd year of relationship being HELL, we fought every week and said some horrible things to each other..I've even slapped him twice...Frequent tantrums, swearing and yelling weren't uncommon during our 2nd year...We both did some tertiary study while working full time and that was a very stressful point in our lives but yeah...I don't know why I keep getting flashbacks of what we went through then... Oh I also need to add that for both of us this is our first SUPER SERIOUS relationship... For me a lot of the experiences I had was new for me and I learnt a lot about myself, how I behave in certain situations, how insecure and jealous I am etc....And I really still hate myself for it..It's hard to express the feelings I have now but I feel excited, happy, anxious, and worried at the same time.. I don't ever want to go through what we went through in the past.. I regret everything I said to him in the heat of the moment and wish I could do things differently..I don't know why I keep looking back at what I've done wrong, I guess I have always been really hard on myself and others, always trying to be perfect..A part of me says he's doing this because "it's time and that it's what I want" or "if I don't do this she'll leave me...". When things were rough he often doubted our compatibility and I don't think that he ever wanted to marry me in our 2nd year of dating..

     

    I love him tons and can't picture my life without him and now I have finally learnt how to be myself and yet maintain harmony in our relationship..Sure, everyone fights every now and then, but they are less frequent now for us and we make up faster.. Did anyone go through what I went through when you knew the proposal was coming? How bad were your fights and how did you overcome what I'm feeling right now?

     
    2.
    Member
    757 posts
    Busy bee
    Elvis    October 31, 2015  

    I think that you made it through that year together says a lot.

    And I think, in any relationship, you end up having things you'll feel bad about forever, things said or done in a moment of anger. I deal with those things by learning from them and promising myself they'll never happen again. (Like the slapping, for example. Domestic violence is never, ever acceptable, no matter who is doing the hitting. So you need to learn ways of expressing your anger without hitting your partner and you need to make a promise to yourself that it will never, ever happen again.)

    Good luck, it's hard to get past the crappy things you've done; it's part of living, I think, building up those regrets.

     
    3.
    Member
    597 posts
    Busy bee
    bas0587    September 22, 2012   Live in MA, Wedding in Newport, NH

    I know what you mean. The thing is, you need to take what you learned from that bad year and use it so that it never happens again. You made it through a rough patch in your relationship, which not all couples do. You are stronger now on the other side and like you said your relationship is great right now. Focus on that and moving forward. Also, I think it would be a good idea to have a chat with you BF about your feelings, just so you are on the same page. You can discuss what you both need to do/keep doing in order to not fall back into that place you were in your bad year. I think talking about it with him will ease a lot of your worry. 

    Good luck! 

     
    4.
    Member
    4,019 posts
    Honey bee
    jennifer_espos    June 18, 2010   NYC

    I think it's normal to kinda panic and worry if it's the right move to make.  I also think that a lot of relationships (mine included) hit a rocky road.  It happens, it's a test and it sounds like you both passed it.  I wouldn't be too hard on yourself about it.  Just learn from it.  Our 4th year of dating was the tough one.  I think it made us stronger, as cliche as that sounds.  But it does.  Maybe you can try couples counseling?  That way you can be sure that you're actively ironing out your differences before you're married. 

     

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