Post # 1
I picked out 3 maids the week after I got engaged. I made them cute little presents to ask them
These three girls knew a little bit about each other – but weren’t really friends. When meeting for wedding stuff all they could talk about was planing a bachelorette party. Which honestly, I wanted but really cared more about my shower… and told them this.
I let them pick out their own dresses. My only request was that they were royal blue.
I got very little help early on from these three and then I met up with some other friends… and decided to add them too. I figured between the 5 of them I would get more help and support.
Welp… I let them pick out their own dresses. I’m paying for their hair day of – and I bought them $20 earrings and I made them makeup bag emergency kits. In total about $60 worth of gifts for them. I wish I could re-nig on all of this but I can’t now. Plus I don’t want to be as mean as they have been.
Now what have they done?
My Mom and I did my shower. It was like pulling teeth for them to ever set up day before – they all left before it was done or came late.
Now – it’s about 10 days before the wedding and I just sent out my own facebook invite for a bachelorette party for dinner at a local pizza place for 2 hours on Friday night – during my FI bachelor party which is a 2 day event. The girls responces… “Well. I didn’t think we were doing one… so I’m busy now.” Atleast FI has good guy friends. That’s been ALL of their excuses… “I’m busy, sorry.”
I wish I would have saved the $60 on each of them ($300) and put it towards our honeymoon. My only regret is having maids. I’ve paid $300 to may my friends feel awesome and did EVERYTHING for the wedding myself with my Mom
(Save the dates, invites, shower, flowers, boutonnieres, programs, escort cards, centerpieces. EVERYTHING.)
They didn’t even come to any of my fittings for my dress. They haven’t even seen my dress with all the alterations… but all you BEES have 🙂
Post # 3
Did you let them know what you expected of them? Did you give them roles and to do lists once they agreed to be your bmaids? I only saying this because about 5 years ago I was a bmaid for my cousin and I had no idea I was expected to do all those things you just mentioned. I live about 2 hours away from her and all I did was buy the dress and shoes she asked me to and showed up to the parties and rehearsal and the wedding. Now that I’m planning my own wedding I realize the bmaids actually have jobs. I had no idea then and my cousin didn’t say anything. Now I wonder if she feels the same as you do.
Post # 4
- Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall
I don’t understand why brides repeatedly say they’re let down by the amount of support their friends provided them with. What did you want them to do? Did they know that?
Showers and parties are thrown for you, if they want to host them, it’s not a given.
A hairdo, earrings and emergency kit that they need for YOUR wedding are not gifts.
Post # 5
You’re going to get ripped on probably, seems to happen a lot on here when a bride expects BM’s to help out.
But honestly, I feel for you. It sounds like you’ve had no support. I’m sorry OP, just enjoy your wedding day!
Post # 6
@HeMadeMeWantTo: I tried delegating jobs but they told me they were too busy. I asked people to make my shower games… they didn’t. (and my mke I mean find something on the internet and send it to me and then I’d even print it for them) They didn’t even show UP to the parties. My Maid of Honor never came to either of the showers…. Pop culture atleast shows that the maids help with the shower and help with the bachelorette party. FI guys knew that – they took it upon themselves to plan a bachelor party and THEY’RE GUYS. They miads started planning my bachelorette party a year ago and it never happened…
@mchitt329: WOW. Thanks for kicking a bride when she’s down. It should be expected that the maids attend a shower – and that they attend a bachelorette party. That’s not even happening now.
EDIT: Yeah showers and parties are supposed to be thrown by someone – not the bride… So are you saying that since no one did step up that I should go without because it’s no one’s responsibility?!
EDIT 2: That’s not stuff they need. I could have told them to do their own hair or that they had to pay to have it done to be in the wedding. could have told them to get thier own earrings and that they had to be silver… they could have gone without new fancy makeup bags with emergency stuff in them. Those are not needs for a wedding.
@Lyndzo: Thanks. Yeah. There’s been no support at all. Not even encouraging texts saying “Hey! You’re getting married.. I’m excited” “Or hey I know you had your fitting and I couldn’t come… can you send pictures? I bet you’ll look great.” I know people are busy, but really? Don’t friends do that especially since you’ve been friends for 10+ years. 🙁
Post # 7
I get where you’re coming from, and I’m sorry that you’re hurt, but…what did you want them to do? I’m not totally in the “all they have to do is wear a dress and show up” camp, because they’re my friends and should be there for me at least emotionally, but :
did EVERYTHING for the wedding myself with my Mom
(Save the dates, invites, shower, flowers, boutonnieres, programs, escort cards, centerpieces. EVERYTHING.)
I did/will be doing almost all of this myself, while working full time, and this includes a million DIY projects. I designed all of our paper goods myself, DIYed my shoes and some of my jewelry, most of my BMs gifts, designed/building our ceremony backdrop, DIYing our centerpieces/program board/menu board, etc. There’s very little that I’m not doing myself, actually. What did you want them to do for you?
Post # 8
@vorpalette: I asked them several times that I would be nice to even just have company whilst making the DIYs. I offered to rent movies, buy pizza, buy wine… just to even have company. One girl took me up on the offer over the summer and came over for 2 hours and helped with some boutonnieres. She helped with what she could and when she could – she was also one of the maids I added later on. So I’m not mad at her at all. But other maids keep saying “Well – let me know when you need help.” I give them times when I’m free and make it open as possible (Like ENTIRE weekends – any week day after 5 etc.) and they still come up with every excuse to say that their busy.
My main thing that set me off was the fact that they were going on and on and on about the bachelorette party all of these months and then it’s now 10 days before -and they knew that this weekend I was moving in with FI… so clearly it’s not happening. Now what really stings is that my Mom had to make a facebook intvite lettting people know that we’re having a makeshift bachelorette party on friday for 2 hours at a pizza place. It’s resorted that low now.
Post # 9
I am sorry you had such an awful experience with the bmaids. I’m really nervous I’m going to have the same issue…I’m trying to read things like that to learn from them. I will recommend you try the very best you can to forgive them for it and move on. Try not to be bitter about it. Perhaps on the big day they will be really present for you, and supportive. They will better understand when they’re planning their own weddings. Some girls really are clueless when it comes to these things.
Post # 10
It sucks that they’ve been so uninvolved, but I have to agree with previous posters. If no one throws you a shower/bach party, you don’t throw one for yourself. If having these extra parties was so important to you, did you convey that to your bridesmaids? Did they know that they were responsible for doing that?
As far as bridesmaid gifts go, generally it’s recommended that you gift them something that has nothing to do with your wedding. Getting hair/jewelry/other wedding related things is great, that really helps to defray the cost for your girls, but it’s not really a *gift* to them, KWIM?
With invites, STDs, centerpieces, etc — I don’t think you can outright expect the bridesmaids to help with these things. I’ll be doing all of it myself (with my mom’s help). I’ve had friends/bridesmaids volunteer to help, which is GREAT, but I don’t think you can expect it. I think all you can do is ask, and provide them with pizza/wine, etc. if anyone agrees to help out.
Post # 11
I’m gonna side with you on this one – only because I experienced a little of both sides to this story for my wedding. I’m sorry that they weren’t more supportive and didn’t try to be involved with helping out more. To me, it sounds like it wasn’t a priority to them, which is unfortunate, bc as the bride, it’s absolutely priority to us.
Enjoy your wedding day, and honestly, try not to let it dampen how great everything will be!
Post # 12
@mandigrl04: Laaaaaaaaame. Boo on them.
Post # 13
You’re like me: we dreamt all of our lives that our bridesmaids would Be just as excited for us as we always hoped. And then asking for simple tasks is like pulling teeth from some girls
i was asked to be MOH in my friends wedding – I had never even been to a real traditional wedding before. What did I do? I researched my role and I did everything I possibly could from halfway across the country because THATS WHAT BRIDESMAIDS do.
its common sense that you throw a shower and a bachelorette party for the bride and you are actively involved. some brides expect more than others and thats the way it is, but I don’t think you deserve any flack for feeling let down.
Post # 14
I’m sorry this happened to you. It should be a “given” that the bridal party is supposed to HELP.THE.BRIDE.
I’ve been a BM 3 times and invested a lot of time and energy because the bride was a good friend of mine. ONe bride I spent nearly $800 being a BM for her and she never got us a gift because she could not afford it. We are still good friends to this day.
I always hate stories of horrible BMs because my wedding party was amazing. They helped assemble invites, helped looke for stuff and were generally soo excited and kept me calm.
Post # 15
@JoolyBee: Yup… and one BM will find out sooner than the others. She just got engaged this last weekend.
@cmbr: The emergency kit really has nothing to do with the wedding. I thought it would be cute to give them something that they can shove in their purses and use daily. So I got mini everythings for them. I didn’t just make ONE large emergency kit. I made them all personalized with their favorite colors for the hair brushes etc. – let them pick out the disgn for the 31 makeup bag, that they didn’t know what the design was for. I was going to get them all subscriptions to their favorite magazines too as a gift – but I decided it wasn’t worth it now with all the teeth pulling.
All of my expectations were – were: To attend one shower at least… be there a little bit before to help set up – be there a little to help clean up – and then throw a bachelorette party – which I’m not picky I told them to just set up a time to go out to eat and I’d pay for myself – that’s all I expected. I told them if they wanted to do more they could – and they had a millions ideas that they told me about. Well they didn’t even do that – and now some of them aren’t even coming.
@StephieBee: Yeah that’s exactly what it is… it’s not a priority to them to be a friend. I’ve now come to the conclusion that all my friends are extremely self centered. They tell me they’re busy and then sit home all evening blowing up pinterest…. REAL BUSY. lol
They’ll find out soon… and I know what I will tell them if they ever ask me is “Awe, thank you I’m flattered… but out of experience I know how many responsibilities bridesmaids SHOULD have, and I know that I can’t give you the time and energy that you really need. So I respectfully decline.”
Post # 16
I was MOH in my sisters wedding and I did all the party planning with my mom (bachelorette party, shower, fittings etc) so I understand why you are so upset with them, those things are a lot of work to plan and in my opinion that’s what MOH & BMs are for. I cannot imagine having to do all that work with your mom on top of planning a wedding.
I’m sorry that they aren’t helpful OP. Just think in a few more days you will be married and it will be behind you and you’ll see if they come through for you on your day.