I CANNOT believe this RSVP- irritated (rant-)

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
73 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

How can people be so clueless and rude?  Unbelievable!

Post # 4
Member
153 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Awww I’m sorry your day is going so crappy! I don’t think that was really fair of them to not check in that it would be ok to have that many extra come. People just don’t think and I don’t think they understand sometimes there may only be X amount of room and there isn’t space for 4 extra guest that you didn’t even know about. 

Post # 5
Member
1988 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

First of all, (((hugs))). I’m sorry you’re having such a crappy day! 

I’m angry for you. It’s in really bad taste to invite people to tag along to a wedding they weren’t specifically invited to without first checking with the couple whether or not that was okay with them. Some people are so inconsiderate! 

Post # 6
Member
626 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@MrsEME:  Ugh so annoying!  I am just waiting for something like to happen to me.  So sorry about the PCOS, they can put you on meds to regulate things though right? 

Post # 7
Member
1254 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Jeez, some people are unbelievble! I would be extremely annoyed too! Very sorry about your PCOS!:(

Post # 8
Member
252 posts
Helper bee

Gah, so sorry about this situation. From your post I was thinking that the sons were live at home guys, and maybe not fully adults yet, since they didn’t get their own invites. I wonder if this son’s mom was like “Oh hey, Son, did you want to bring your FI and her children to the wedding?”

But I mean, had you known about Son’s FI and future family, would you have invited them? I am certain you’d have invited at least the FI, and if it is a child friendly wedding, I wouldn’t see why you wouldn’t invite the kids either (not being the biological father doesn’t mean you’re not their Dad). I know it is a shock to get 4 extra people that you didn’t know about, but just try to think of it as if you’d have personally invited them, had you known about them.

Post # 9
Hostess
8680 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

I would honestly extend to invite to the fiance, but not to the kids.

Post # 12
Hostess
8680 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

@MrsEME:  I meant I would extend the invite to the FI now, since you didn’t know when the invites were sent out.

I most likely wouldn’t attend a wedding if my fiance wasn’t invited.

Post # 14
Member
252 posts
Helper bee

@MrsEME:  Yeah, my only point was that this close to the wedding the best thing you can do is not let yourself fret over things like this, and I mean that in a completely compassionate way! Trust me, you are going to have some no-shows at your wedding. People forget that its your wedding, have things suddenly come up, RSVP just in case they want to go, RSVP out of “politeness” but don’t intend on going, intend on going but get lost, etc. etc. Sure more people have more no shows than others, but all in all, if you’ve kept your guest list even somewhat close to your max, you’re going to be fine.

Really, at this point you’ve got two options: Tell them they aren’t allowed to come or tell yourself that in the end it will all work out, all the while knowing that they were a bit inconciderate and out of line with their assumptions. I had 5 surprise kids show up to my wedding, along with their grandma, when only the mom had RSVP’d yes. (Kids were suppose to stay with Grandma… and I guess technically they did… Grandma just happened to come to the wedding, lol). I also had some people who didn’t RSVP or who had even RSVP’d no, show up to the wedding, and we still had room for everyone.

Your wedding is in two weeks, leave the guest list worrying to other people, and focus on enjoying this time!

Post # 15
Member
20 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Oh man I would not be happy either! I am so sorry!! If it were me I would not let them come. The FI can take the time and straighten the situation out so you don’t have to. That was very rude of them to do that and if it is not in your budget then it would be too much for them to come. That means you have to rearrange your seating, more place cards, more money for meals. To me it is just too much added stress. 

Post # 16
Member
3223 posts
Sugar bee

Just because they have added extras doesn’t mean you have to accomodate them.

You would be within your rights to call them up and let them know you got their response, but that there was a misunderstanding and that you will only be able to accomodate the FI, but not the children.  Then you can ask if they are still able to make it.

Though hopefully this is a warning to other brides that this is the risk when you don’t do the work ahead of time (finding out if they live at home, finding out if they have a FI) you are taking a risk that his could happen.

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