Post # 1
Ladies, I need advice here. (I’m 10000% serious, btw). How on earth am I ever supposed to move in with my boyfriend if my body won’t let itself “go” until I’m alone in my apt?<br /><br />This happens to me with every single relationship, even the very long term serious ones. This has prevented me going on vacation too with my bf, because when am I supposed to go in a tiny little hotel room??? It’s not even a matter of me holding it in, it’s a matter that I physically won’t have to go, even if i try, until my boyfriend leaves my apt. Then all of the sudden I’m able to. (I’m like this around friends and family, too, not just my boyfriend).<br /><br />I feel like no other woman has this problem- everyone just says they fart and poop around their husband all the time. Am I just weird? How am I ever supposed to move in with someone? Just the thought of me having the stomach flu and not being able to poop/pass gas because my boyfriend is on the couch gives me anxiety and makes me want to live alone forever.<br /><br />Help!!
Post # 2
One of my best friends had this problem. She just got in the habit of sending her boyfriend to the store for something she “forgot”. Seriously. They are married now with 2 kids, but they dated for like 7 years and I know this was a problem most of the time.
Post # 3
kerplunk00: Maybe you need to see a counselor for this?
I understand that some people like to do thier business in private….but not being able to go simply because he is in the same dwelling as you?
If you were like this around family and friends- how did you manage growing up with your parents?
I would suggest seeing a DR about this- it seems like it’s more a “behavioral” issue than anything.
I can’t imagine what that would be like. We have one bathroom and have had no choice, in some situation but to share the bathroom even during a poop. When one person has tummy issues and the other has to be out the door to work…..you do what you have to do even if it’s not glamorous!
Post # 4
Why don’t you try telling him? Maybe once it’s out in the open you’ll feel less anxious.
Post # 5
kerplunk00: I was the same way, it took a couple years (like, a good three) and him seeing me give birth (and its after effects) that took away all my dignity. Now I poop with the door open (hey, someone has to watch the kids) and fart on him just for kicks. The comfort level has definitely changed.
Post # 6
kerplunk00: haha! i’m not quite as bad about this as you seem to be (as in i wouldn’t call it anxiety or have an actual inability to go when hes around), but I do HATE this! I never really enjoyed bathroom humor or ever had to share a bathroom with anyone growing up or even during college or living w/ roommates, so i guess I just never got comfortable with having to be open about those things with anyone else. So, i get it and can definitely relate.
So, when we moved in together we got a 2 bedroom, 2 bathroom apartment. We both wanted our own bathrooms and our own closets for a number of reasons, but the ability to have this sort of “privacy” was DEFINTELY one of my reasons! so that works well for us. Plus, you never have to deal with needing to get ready in the same space at the same time and i have enough space to store all my millions of beauty products — and he doesn’t have to deal with them taking over his space! everybody wins.
Post # 7
When my FI started staying with me a lot, I had this same problem, haha. I finally just told him “I need to poop, and I am turning on the shower so you don’t hear anything”. He laughed at me, and I laughed too… but it helped until I was more comfortable.
Post # 8
kerplunk00: Does he know you have this issue?
You might have to take a laxative or an enema to force yourself to go. Do that for a few days/weeks until your psyche can get over it.
Post # 9
- Wedding: June 2016 - Charleston, SC
kerplunk00: ok, I sort if have this problem. Part of it is I just hate bathroom functions and am mortified at the thought of my FI knowing I do those things (dumb, right?), but for a while (like 3 years) I literally never had to use the restroom while he was around. We’re about to move in to a tiny tiny apartment together and I’m having the same concerns! I usually do what a PP mentioned and ask him to leave the room if I need/want to go but can’t bring myself to…get me a glass of ginger ale for an upset stomach, run out for dinner, take the dog out, etc.
Do you think it’s an anxiety about something that keeps you from going? I’d ask your doctor if there’s something you can do…maybe take a laxative of some type so your body doesn’t have a choice? I wish I was more help!
Post # 10
kerplunk00: can you try running the water on high while you go? That helped me get over it a lot, because I have a sense of security. I totally understand how you feel though, I also can’t go to the bathroom with other people in public bathrooms, friends or strangers alike. We are finally at the point where I ask if he’s going to be in the bathroom a while (implying pooping lol) and he will answer, before we just never talked about it lol. It really does take time and intimacy (like living with someone for years) for a lot of people.
Post # 11
sleepyhead22: +1, turn on the water, both faucets if necessary, and let it run. If you still feel self conscious, turn on the shower!
Get a big can of air freshener.
Look for an apartment that has a bathroom at the opposite end, out of earshot from the livingroom.
I can’t remember for sure but I seem to recall I had a little bit of this problem when DH and I were first dating. We were always at my apartment though, and my apartment had a very private bathroom at the opposite end, so that offered privacy.
You’re just going to have to get over it at some point. I understand your feelings though. Hang in there.
Post # 12
You are not alone in this and if this is your only problem I wouldn’t bother a counselor about it either. This may take time but eventually you will be able to go, just out of necessity when you live together.
I didn’t like it either and I hate doing it in hotel rooms too When he is there (we’ve been together more than 10 years). I send him out.
Honestly, if you live together you will eventually and it’ll get better over time. I can promise you there is no way in h**l I’m pooping with my husband in the bathroom or peeing for that matter and he’d better not do the same. That’s just me.
Post # 13
it sounds like you need to tell your doctor if this is truly such an issue. If you legitimately get anxiety about pooping when your boyfriend, friends, or family are over, that’s abnormal.
Post # 14
kerplunk00: I had nervous poop too haha. I would turn on the shower and poop, then shower. No sounds, smells or wondering why I’m in there a long time. Lol… it sounds so silly now, but that was the only way haha.
Post # 15
I used to be like this. It will eventually go away. I didn’t read through others’ posts so not sure if this was mentioned yet but I used to put the shower on cold water and let it run until I was done then turn on the hot water and have my shower. That helped lots.