Post # 1
I was reading another post about past relationships, and realized that my response was very different from everyone else’s….which got me thinking.
Am I the only one?
For me, there are two VERY different categories for relastionships and in my mind they’re totally opposite in every way, because in my mind, I’ve only had a handful, committed, long term relationships…including my marriage and significantly more passing flirtations and lovers from my past, which I wasn’t terribly invested in on the same level, but enjoyed thouroughly none the less….so I have two levels of intimacy with people that hinge not so much on a physical component, but on an emotional and spiritual connection and it’s varying intensity….
I’m very curious and interested in everyone else’s definitions….please share.
Post # 3
@Nona99: What’s your question, exactly?
Post # 4
I definitely have “categories” for how I feel about and relate to different people in my life.
My husband is my #1 love, above and beyond all others.
My love for my son is an equal, although parental love, and he knows I adore him completely. My stepson is in the same category, love him to pieces.
Family members, some I love dearly and others I just tolerate, lol.
I have a few (very few) very close friends with whom I can share anything, they know me and I feel like they’re my sisters. I’m a private person so I keep most things to myself, but I have a couple of friends I know I can trust and they can trust me.
Past lovers – I have no feelings now for any of them but I have had many, many relationships with men, ranging from deep love (and former marriage) to casual friends-with-benefit types. I’m a very sexual person; I don’t have to have a formal relationship to enjoy sex with a man. I’ve had my share of one-nighters and flings, it was a lot of fun at the time.
A spiritual connection with another person is more special and rare, definitely. I have that kind of connection with my husband and my son. I had that kind of connection with my grandmother and mother, both now deceased.
Relationships are interesting and precious things. I value my relationships, even though I don’t have that many. Maybe that’s why I value them so much
Post # 5
@MrsWe: …I guess I’m asking if all the exes in your life are on the equal plane of emotional and physical involvement? Ex boyfriends and exlovers – are those the same thing for you?
Post # 6
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
I had plenty of guys who were flings… meaningless fun. Walking away was easy.
I had 2 long term relationships in which I was deeply invested, but I was alone in the investment (because the guys were douchebags) so the relationships never reached a true level of deep connection. Walking away hurt, but I knew that I would be happier without them.
And then there is Mr. LK, who is in a class of his own. Noone gets me like he does. He understands even the subtle shifts within me. Walking away from him is something I truly cannot even fathom. Our relationship is just different than anything I’ve ever experienced. It’s on an entirely different plane. And that’s why I’m married to him. 🙂
Post # 7
@Nona99: I had one significant long-term relationship prior to meeting FI where ILYs were exchanged and the idea of marriage was discussed…boy did I dodge a HUGE bullet there! It’s difficult to compare the two because the old relationship had so many major red flags and issues…but no, I’d say that FI is the first non-familial relationship where I’ve actually welcomed the idea of permanence and viewed us as a team. Previous dating relationships were fun while they lasted, and that’s about it. Does that get at the question?
Post # 8
@Nona99: No way, they weren’t all on the same plane. Even the ones that were “relationships” – like exclusively dating – weren’t all the same plane. They knew it, I knew it, and they ran their course.
Post # 10
Previous relationships were the result of insecurity and very poor choices, so I view them all the same way. Being with my SO has taught me what a good man is and also taught me that I never loved anyone before him. I just thought I did at the time.
There are a couple of “lovers” that I bear no ill feelings towards because they never led me on, and they didn’t take advantage of me. I may have gotten emotionally attached through sex, but I know they treated me with respect. I have no emotional attachment to these guys now, but would wish them well.
Post # 11
@Nona99: I count 3 boyfriends 10 lovers and 7 “flings”
Post # 12
@Sunfire: It freaks me out…the duality between you and I….
Post # 13
Oh no way were all of my “exes” on the same physical or emotional level. I had plenty of flings where I didn’t care much about them or didn’t really want to date them. I also dated plenty of people where it just never turned into a relationship.
I had a few exes where I did care quite a bit about them. Though none of them compare to how I feel about my FI.
4 official relationships (including FI). I’d say 5-7 more that I dated maybe 1-6 months but we never made it official for one reason or another. Plenty more that were either flings or people I only went out with once or twice.
Post # 14
@Nona99: We have some spooky meant-to-be coincidences, that’s for sure, girl. Serendipity, more like.
Honestly, when I found out about you-know-what, I couldn’t sleep that night, lol. I had to tell my husband all about it, but he thinks it is THE COOLEST thing ever! He’s happy for me. (And for us – me and you. ;)).
Post # 15
No, not at all. My relationship with my husband is the most….complete, over-arching, whole relationship I’ve ever had. I know his “soul” if that makes sense. He knows mine, he knows what makes me tick, he knows the way I think, WHY I think that way, he knows my intentions and how I will handle most situations, and vice versa. It’s just such a comprehensive concept.
None of my other dates or relationships were ever near that level of completeness. As above mentioned, many were the results of poor decision making on my end and weren’t based on the right material.
My relationship with my family is different. Relationships with my parents have changed since I got married and it is now more of a respectful friendship, especially since I now work with one of my parents. My siblings, though I was raised with them, I don’t think I will ever know as intimately as I know my husband.
So, yes, I completely agree that relationships are of many different kinds.
Post # 16
@Nona99: Man, shit’s deep. I should be packing myself a bowl before responding to this one, but I’ll try.
I see what you mean, and I agree: there’s definitely a difference and it effects how I’d react if we bumped into them somewhere. A couple guys I dated for 6 or less months in non-serious relationships I’d be thrilled to see and would love catching up with…the one I dated for nearly two years, lived with and took care of his child? “Fuck yourself, dude.”