(Closed) I can’t beleive my BM said this last night to me… 30 days before wedding

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
2289 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Wow. Hopefully she didn’t mean that the way it sounded, but if she did than that was just flat out mean.
I suggest sitting down with her and letting her know that you’ve been getting this vibe that she’s got other stuff going on, and ask her if she’s still interested in being a Bridesmaid or Best Man or if she’d just like to relax and come as a guest.

Post # 4
18645 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Wow that is so rude.  I honestly wouldn’t want her in my wedding at all talking like that!  How was she dumb enough to order a dress 6 sizes too small?

I have come to realize that planning a wedding isn’t the happiest time of your life like everyone says.  It is stressful and quite possibly horrible or some people.

Post # 5
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Ummmm I’m not entirely clear on what she’s getting at. Does she think she’s going to keel over because she was ridiculous and ordered a dress 6 sizes too small?! And she bought the dress to be a bridesmaid at your wedding, so I would have to say clearly this is about your wedding.

I’d just blow off her comments, get the new dress and keep trucking along. You don’t have to talk to her after May 30th if you don’t want to 😉 Don’t let her drag you down. Reading between the lines, it sounds like she’s caused a fair bit of drama and maybe doesn’t like someone else being the centre of attention? Unfortunately you’re going to have to put up with it for another 30 days.

On the other hand, you could say “If your budget doesn’t have room for you to buy a new dress, it’s okay, you can step down from the day and your duties and I won’t be mad or upset at all.”. Perhaps this is the perfect opportunity…..

Post # 6
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

I am sorry she came acroos rude to you, but that comment concerns me. Is she depressed. That comment makes me think that she needs some help.

Post # 7
928 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Yikes! I, too, would rethink keeping her as a Bridesmaid or Best Man because she doesn’t sound like she’s in it for the right reasons. Some girls like the idea of being in a wedding but not yours personally and it becomes about them. She was just plain on rude and mean to you, very disrespectful and it’s her fault for ordering a dress that was going to be unrealistically too small for her.

I suggest asking her to step down since it’s too much pressure on her and ask her to come as a guest. PLus, if you dont see yourself being friends with her after, why in the world would you want her in your wedding?

I’m really sorry! Weddings seem to make or break friendships and bring out people’s true colors. I lost my Maid/Matron of Honor and my bm also lost a Maid/Matron of Honor and Bridesmaid or Best Man because of these issues. *hugs*

Post # 9
107 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010


I have possibly a solution depending on the type of Bridesmaid or Best Man dress it is – I ran into this situation with a friend of mine where the dress was WAY too small – so we took fabric from the shawl (same taffeta- or get same fabric) and the seamstress added two panels to the dress to make it larger. It looked the EXACT same as the other girls dresses in the end and it fit perfectly! dont take this personally – she’s probably having self esteem issues and is taking it out on you. just enjoy your time before your wedding!

Post # 10
272 posts
Helper bee

Why did she order the dress so small?  Has she gained a lot of weight lately, thus her comment about being concerned about herself?  Or did she mean she wasn’t worried about *your* concern, as she was worried enough herself?

Post # 11
814 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

been there done that, just ignore her, and if she doesn’t show up.. than too bad for her… that’s what i did, and she finally came around

Post # 12
2066 posts
Buzzing bee

Wow.  Its really amazing how weddings bring out everyone’s true colors.

If you decide you still want her in your wedding – search ebay, weddingbee classifieds, and other sites to see if you can find the dress that way.

Good luck!

Post # 13
372 posts
Helper bee

Curious to see how things turned out?  Hope your wedding was amazing!

Post # 14
570 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Yes, I second that we are curious on how it turned out. I hope your day was great!

Post # 15
78 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

ok…when someone orders a dress…yeah 1 or 2 sizes smaller sure. but not 6. sorry lol everyones commented on it. its just ridiculous.

um i had a friend get married & one of her BMs had to drop out of the wedding bc of a family emergency. my friend just found another Bridesmaid or Best Man who wore that size dress.

if you want to keep her in the wedding maybe you could take one of the sashes they use as a tie around the waste that either matches the dress or is another one of your wedding colors & fill in the gap. 

if you decide to use to sash in another color as the fill in, i think it would be cute if you got all your girls a sash & played up the way they wear it. one can tie it in the back, another on the side. you could get a seamstress to add it onto the bottom of another dress or as a trim along the sleeves & neck & another could wear it as a shaw. that way she wouldnt feel like the odd one out.

another thing you could do is make the back of her dress a lace up corset kind of thing…take out the zipper & add the loops. then all you need is a sash or something to lace it up with

hope this helped! let us know how things turn out! (:

Post # 16
5106 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

Okay, so seriously what consultant actually LET her order a dress SIX sizes too small?!?! And like others have said before, maybe a size smaller I can understand…two sizes is even pushing it I think.

I would definitely sit her down and talk with her. Just let her know there are some things that have happened between the two of you that you would like to adress. Do a dinner date, a lunch date, take a walk and talk it out. Whatever it takes. And you be the first to bring up that something she said was very hurtful to you. Once you have that out, the topic of the dress size will follow. (Or at least it should in theory.) Hopefully the two of you can resolve it. If not, and she’s still being stubborn and selfish when she knows how IMPORTANT this day is to not only you, but your entire family (not to mention your Fiance and his family)-And if she still doesn’t understand why all this bothers you, cut the cord. Some people need the type of help that you cannot give them.  

I belive in giving every person a fair chance to explain themselves and set things right. If she’s not interested in salvaging your friendship, or to even try…. Well, then that just speaks volumes doesn’t it?


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