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I'm so sorry. I'm sure everyone is chicked and scared. Hugs and prayers.
I had a childhood friend who had leukemia and recovered. NOt much else to add. Just sorry for your news.
I'm sorry to hear this. I was diagnosed at 21 with Hodgkins Lymphoma. My FI and family supported me through treatment and we are finally able to plan the wedding of our dreams!
My biggest recommendation for you as a friend is to be there as much as you can for them. There is a lot going on for them right now, determining a treatment plan, selecting a doctor and treatment facility, etc. Don't ask for information, just be open if they need to share information with you. Try to become as knowledgable about the situation as you can on your own. Use the internet! It was so nice when I told people I was stage II and they would already know what that means.
I hated the question "How are you feeling" because usually the last thing a patient wants to think about is how crappy they are feeling. Talk about something else, even the weather!
Cards are always nice to open! Sometimes its easier to respond/communicate via email and/or text.
I dont know the age, but a great resource I like is PlantCancer. Its kinda a board like WB for young adults with cancer. Also, CaringBridge is a great site that patients can update and keep everyone in the loop.
I am sorry, hearing news like that is never easy. Were they able to catch it early? My grandfather had Lukemia and recovered, twice. The good thing about this type of cancer is that you can recover. My heart and thoughts go out to you.
((HUGS)) You guys are going through a tough time and it's not an easy road. My FMIL was diagnosed with breast cancer about two years ago. I did a lot of crying, a lot of worrying, all the things you're going through. I think we all quickly resolved that the only thing you can do is fight it, and love each other. FMIL had two surgeries as well as radiation treatments (thankfully no chemo was needed). She was really exhausted and came to stay with us for a few weeks. The best I could do was make her healthy food, smother her with love, great books, and make sure she rested A LOT. FI took her to a lot of her radiation appointments. We also planted her ENTIRE garden in pink flowers for when she came home from her first surgery. So she's cancer free now, although she still gets really tired. The radiation really steals all your energy and for some people they never get it back.
My advice is this: Support your friend and her sister. They must both be terrified. Give them hugs, give them love, be a shoulder to cry on. Bring dinner or lunch or whatever over as often as you can. I'm sure the whole family is devastated, so just doing giving them a break from cooking every now and then over the process makes a big difference. Offer whatever driving services you can for appointments, and see if the hospital has other patients going at the same time in your area that you could volunteer to drive as well. Maybe offer to help tidy up around the house or mow the lawn for them. Again, just little things that take time and effort out of your day that you don't think about when you do it, but if you didn't have to deal with it you'd be relieved!
Stay strong. Fight together.
Here's a great link that I went to when I recently found out a friend had cancer. I know it's hard for everyone involved and I'm sending good thoughts your way!
http://cancerlost.blogspot.com/2008/08/part-2-of-what-can-i-do-for-my-loved.html
Mrs. DG, that is a really great article.
One of the small gifts that I LOVED was a really nice shaded lip gloss set. WHen I didn't have any energy to put on makeup, a little bit of color on the lips helped. Plus, dry chapped lips are typically a really bad side effect of chemo and just being in hospitals.
I think the best thing you can do is to stay positive and do NOT treat this like a death sentence. Leukemia is (usually) treatable. It is a battle, no doubt, it isn't easy. But don't treat her (or your friend) like this is the thing that will kill her. She needs positive vibes, and encouragement to fight and to BELIEVE that she will recover. I know a lot of people don't believe in positive thinking but I really believe that to at least some extent, you can shape your future based on your thoughts.
Thats not to say you should be a cheerleader, that would be annoying probably, but continue to talk about the future. Talk about WHEN she recovers. Make long-term plans. She really needs to believe that there is a life after this battle.
all I can give you are ((((HUGS)))) and prayers. I am so very sorry you've found this out. But just be thankful we live in a day and age where we have doctors who know what they are doing. :) prayers are being sent your way.
I am so sorry.
My advice is to be there for her. I know this sounds obvious, but my mom has been battling cancer for ten years now, and it seems like every time we get bad news, my friends dissapear. I know it is not because they don't love me, its because they don't know what to say do, but honestly its so painful. I have one friend who calls me all the time - to talk, to hear how things are going, to just be there. And if I don't call her back, she will call me again. It means the world to me to know she is there, thinking about us. She sent my mom a card. Just do those little things, be supportive and LISTEN - when she tells you she is scared, don't feel the need to tell her it will be ok. Just listen, validate her feelings "I can't imagine how hard this is for you.", let her know you are there and then follow through. And learn what you can on your own about the disease and the treatment she is going to get.
Mrs DG - thanks for the great link. There is a ton of truth in that blog (my favorite is the "let me know if you need anything" point - well meaning, but empty for sure!)
O no...what a horrible thing to have to go through. I am so sorry and my heart goes out to all involved. I dont know if you are religious but my daughter and I will definietly add your friend to our prayers tonight.
Mrs DG - awesome article. Thanks so much for sharing!
I am so sorry. That is so hard to deal with. My dad got cancer a few years ago (and he's only in his 40's). He got treatment done, and they thought all was well, but it came back. He had more surgery and treatment, and now is struggling with side effects. I think the best thing to do is just be there. I gave him a book before he left for the hospital the first time of quotes that had to do with life, such as: Be slow to anger, etc. I went through with a yellow highlighter and highlighted all my favorites (the books had like 1000 in it), then gave him a blue highlighter and while he was on the plane and in the hospital he read it and highlighted his faves. The ones we shared turned green. It was neat to see our faves, gave him something to do, and was inspirational. I hope and pray for the best.
I'm so sorry for your news. A family friend had leukemia and, though he went through hell, he fought it and beat it. And he says it was his family and friends, showing how much they cared, that made him fight and remember that he had something to live for.
I think supporting her, showing her that she matters and can beat this will give her the courage to take it head-on.
My thoughts go out to you and your friends.
Thanks ladies for all of your words. I will use all of your advice and tools provide.
It means so much to me to come here and have my spirit raised.
I'm so sorry to hear that. No matter how many people I run into that are affected by this disease, it never gets easier to hear. I have (had?) breast cancer. I was diagnosed last spring, had surgery last summer, did radiation, chemo, the whole works. Until I was diagnosed, I had no idea how many people either had had it or had family members who did. Cancer seems to touch almost everyone in some way.
The good news is that I have met a lot of people who HAD cancer...for whom it is something in the past. I know when I finish up chemo in a few months, I will be totally done with treatment. Yes, it was a year of my life that totally sucked, but it is beatable. What helped me a lot was hearing from people about their sister, their friend, their neighbor that had cancer and got through it.
I'm assuming your friend is young. My oncologist told me that being young and otherwise in good health made a huge difference in how I did. Yes, I had surgery, chemo, and radiation, but I was able to take care of my kids, work full-time (missing a few days here and there) and do what I needed to do. Don't get me wrong, I was exhausted most of the time, but I DID function (kinda!). I even dated....and got engaged!
I hope you can give your friend hope that a cancer diagnosis is not necesarily a death sentence, that people do make it out the other end alive and well. I can't really speak about treatments that are specific to leukemia, but can tell you that chemo and radiation may not be not nearly as bad you might think. Treatments have come a long way in the past few years and are far more bearable now. Another of my doctor's patients just did a half marathon---in between chemo treatements.
Again, I'm sorry. I wouldn't wish cancer of any kind on my worst enemy. But it is beatable. I'm guessing you pass people in the grocery store, in the mall, at church, etc. who are undergoing cancer treatment...and winning. And I bet I'm not the only Bee undergoing chemo and planning a wedding at the same time.
I'm so sorry for your bad news. I haven't really known many people with cancer so I don't have any words of encouragement for you.
I am so sorry to hear about your friend but remember that there is hope. Our best man was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer in January. He is 33 years old. The cancer was in his lungs, lymph nodes and had eaten away most of his intestines. He was given about a year to live, but when they did another scan in February, the cancer was pretty much gone! He is still doing chemo/radiation to make sure but pretty much it is a miracle and he will live! Things are so advanced now with medicine that hopefully your friend's cancer is treatable.
Some of the things you can do to help your friend is to be there and don't disappear. Also, if she does chemo, maybe get her a blanket or a scarf and knit hat because patients on chemo get cold very easily and those treatment centers are freezing!
Neva - That is a great story! Congrats on being close to finishing treatment! It is so amazing to be done with treatment. It has been almost 2 years for me and I still feel like I "have" cancer. It changes your life and I don't know if its something you can ever entirely put behind you in the past tense.
Its also great to hear you have fared well with treatment. I too was able to work and maintain a somewhat "normal" lifestyle while undergoing treatment. I think it is becoming more and more common for patients to far well with it and continue on with their lives. I always said if I could, I would open a night/weekend chemo clinic so patients could get treatment and still work and keep their schedules!
My aunt was dianosed with lung cancer a few months ago. It was stage 3 and the doctors gave her a year to live. She went through chemo and radiation treatments. After the first sets were done they went to see if the cancer had shrunk enough to operate and remove but the results came back that she was CANCER FREE! Which wasn't even an option at the time it seemed like. It was such a blessing and a miricle that she turned up cancer free. She had a good attitude when she found out she had cancer. Of course she couldn't be positive all the time but she decided she was going to fight it and eat heathy and get her emune (spelling?) system up for the treatment and she kicked that cancers but!
I was talking to my aunt the other day and she said that people don't know what to say to her or how to react when they see her (she doesn't wear a wig anymore because it bothers her so you can tell she has been through chemo). That sometimes they just act like nothing is different. She said the best thing to say to someone is "how are you feeling?" or something like that. She said not to ask details or anything like another person on here said.
Just be strong and offer comfort to them and a shoulder incase the need it to cry on. Hope she gets better!
I am so sorry. We will pray for the family and for you. I also don't have any advice on what to say you're right, there really isn't anything you can say. Except you will be there for that person.
@neva Congratulations on beating cancer, that's a great story!!
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My best friend/BM of many many years got horrible news yesterday. Her sister has leukemia.
Cancer.
Wow thats a powerful word. You really dont have a clue how much that word can impact you until you know someone that has it. I have know and loved my bff family since we became friends in grade school. My friend has cancer. What next? what do you say? you really can't say anything because you have no idea what to say? The only thing you do is react. And by react I mean cry. Cry a lot. Thats what I have been doing. I know its just the beginning of what is in store to come. The only thing I can do is be strong for them and pray for a fast recovery.
Any one have any encouraging stories? I live for the survivor stories those help me keep faith.