(Closed) I can’t believe she has cancer

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

I’m so sorry.   I’m sure everyone is chicked and scared.  Hugs and prayers. 

I had a childhood friend who had leukemia and recovered.  NOt much else to add.  Just sorry for your news.

Post # 4
Member
3762 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I’m sorry to hear this.  I was diagnosed at 21 with Hodgkins Lymphoma.  My FI and family supported me through treatment and we are finally able to plan the wedding of our dreams!

My biggest recommendation for you as a friend is to be there as much as you can for them.  There is a lot going on for them right now, determining a treatment plan, selecting a doctor and treatment facility, etc.  Don’t ask for information, just be open if they need to share information with you.  Try to become as knowledgable about the situation as you can on your own.  Use the internet!  It was so nice when I told people I was stage II and they would already know what that means. 

I hated the question “How are you feeling” because usually the last thing a patient wants to think about is how crappy they are feeling.  Talk about something else, even the weather! 

Cards are always nice to open! Sometimes its easier to respond/communicate via email and/or text. 

I dont know the age, but a great resource I like is PlantCancer.  Its kinda  a board like WB for young adults with cancer.  Also, CaringBridge is a great site that patients can update and keep everyone in the loop.

 

Post # 5
Member
1585 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I am sorry, hearing news like that is never easy.  Were they able to catch it early?  My grandfather had Lukemia and recovered, twice.  The good thing about this type of cancer is that you can recover.  My heart and thoughts go out to you.

Post # 6
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

((HUGS)) You guys are going through a tough time and it’s not an easy road. My FMIL was diagnosed with breast cancer about two years ago. I did a lot of crying, a lot of worrying, all the things you’re going through. I think we all quickly resolved that the only thing you can do is fight it, and love each other. FMIL had two surgeries as well as radiation treatments (thankfully no chemo was needed). She was really exhausted and came to stay with us for a few weeks. The best I could do was make her healthy food, smother her with love, great books, and make sure she rested A LOT. FI took her to a lot of her radiation appointments. We also planted her ENTIRE garden in pink flowers for when she came home from her first surgery. So she’s cancer free now, although she still gets really tired. The radiation really steals all your energy and for some people they never get it back.

My advice is this: Support your friend and her sister. They must both be terrified. Give them hugs, give them love, be a shoulder to cry on. Bring dinner or lunch or whatever over as often as you can. I’m sure the whole family is devastated, so just doing giving them a break from cooking every now and then over the process makes a big difference. Offer whatever driving services you can for appointments, and see if the hospital has other patients going at the same time in your area that you could volunteer to drive as well. Maybe offer to help tidy up around the house or mow the lawn for them. Again, just little things that take time and effort out of your day that you don’t think about when you do it, but if you didn’t have to deal with it you’d be relieved! 

Stay strong. Fight together.

Post # 8
Member
3762 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Mrs. DG, that is a really great article. 

One of the small gifts that I LOVED was a really nice shaded lip gloss set.  WHen I didn’t have any energy to put on makeup, a little bit of color on the lips helped.  Plus, dry chapped lips are typically a really bad side effect of chemo and just being in hospitals.

Post # 9
Member
11327 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

I think the best thing you can do is to stay positive and do NOT treat this like a death sentence. Leukemia is (usually) treatable. It is a battle, no doubt, it isn’t easy. But don’t treat her (or your friend) like this is the thing that will kill her. She needs positive vibes, and encouragement to fight and to BELIEVE that she will recover. I know a lot of people don’t believe in positive thinking but I really believe that to at least some extent, you can shape your future based on your thoughts. 

Thats not to say you should be a cheerleader, that would be annoying probably, but continue to talk about the future. Talk about WHEN she recovers. Make long-term plans. She really needs to believe that there is a life after this battle. 

Post # 10
Member
1562 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

all I can give you are ((((HUGS)))) and prayers. I am so very sorry you’ve found this out. But just be thankful we live in a day and age where we have doctors who know what they are doing. 🙂 prayers are being sent your way.

Post # 11
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

I am so sorry.

My advice is to be there for her.  I know this sounds obvious, but my mom has been battling cancer for ten years now, and it seems like every time we get bad news, my friends dissapear.  I know it is not because they don’t love me, its because they don’t know what to say do, but honestly its so painful.  I have one friend who calls me all the time – to talk, to hear how things are going, to just be there.  And if I don’t call her back, she will call me again.  It means the world to me to know she is there, thinking about us.  She sent my mom a card.  Just do those little things, be supportive and LISTEN – when she tells you she is scared, don’t feel the need to tell her it will be ok.  Just listen, validate her feelings “I can’t imagine how hard this is for you.”, let her know you are there and then follow through.  And learn what you can on your own about the disease and the treatment she is going to get. 

Post # 12
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

Mrs DG – thanks for the great link.  There is a ton of truth in that blog (my favorite is the “let me know if you need anything” point – well meaning, but empty for sure!)

Post # 13
Member
1526 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

O no…what a horrible thing to have to go through. I am so sorry and my heart goes out to all involved. I dont know if you are religious but my daughter and I will definietly add your friend to our prayers tonight.

Mrs DG – awesome article. Thanks so much for sharing!

Post # 14
Member
4024 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I am so sorry. That is so hard to deal with. My dad got cancer a few years ago (and he’s only in his 40’s). He got treatment done, and they thought all was well, but it came back. He had more surgery and treatment, and now is struggling with side effects. I think the best thing to do is just be there. I gave him a book before he left for the hospital the first time of quotes that had to do with life, such as: Be slow to anger, etc. I went through with a yellow highlighter and highlighted all my favorites (the books had like 1000 in it), then gave him a blue highlighter and while he was on the plane and in the hospital he read it and highlighted his faves. The ones we shared turned green. It was neat to see our faves, gave him something to do, and was inspirational. I hope and pray for the best.

Post # 15
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I’m so sorry for your news.  A family friend had leukemia and, though he went through hell, he fought it and beat it.  And he says it was his family and friends, showing how much they cared, that made him fight and remember that he had something to live for. 

I think supporting her, showing her that she matters and can beat this will give her the courage to take it head-on.

My thoughts go out to you and your friends.

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