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I believe in some states if someone threatens suicide, especially via writing such as in a text, you could call the local police. They will come to the house, evaluate the situation, and if necessary transport her to the hospital for a mandatory 72 hour psychiatric hold. That may not help your situation any, but she needs to know that this is serious business not a way for her to torture her brother.
Omg that's horrible! I'm SO sorry that you're both going through something so terrible. I really don't have any advice, aside from continuing to avoid all contact. It sounds to me like they both have legitimate mental health issues. Even if there were valid reasons to dislike you, there are other, more mature ways of handling it. I hope you guys have a huge support system, you'll want to stay close to them throughout your marriage. Good luck, I hope things get better :o/
yeah good idea on the cops - let the authorities handle it, b/c it's a serious threat, even if she didn't mean it.
Thanks guys, my family and our friends have been wonderful, everyone is so excited and happy for us, just not them, we lean on my family a lot for support so it's good.
I am so sorry you have to go through all of this! I can def. tell you that I know what your going through though! My FSIL is horrible and on Friday I am going to the police station to have a restraining order put on her, and possibly see if she can be charged with slander and terrorizing. She is constantly bad mouthing us and making things horrible for us and his mom just sits there and tells it's my fault because I make his sister mad by not saying to her what she wants me to say (I haven't spoken one word to her since Easter of this year) and this weekend we found out that she is proudly going around telling everyone that she is going to object at the wedding (even though she isn't invited, and i'm not even sure she realizes this) even though she has been told and it's has been made quite clear that we want nothing to do with her. So hopefully a restraining order will open her eyes and if she does show up at the wedding the police will be called and she will be in contempt for violating the order and will have to sit the night in jail--- that might just be the best wedding gift i could ask for!
So maybe if you can try and get a protection order or a harrassment order cause i'm thinking your in the same boat as me and it's not going to stop or get any better but atleat there can be boundaries set that can't be crossed until they decide to act like normal decent adults.
Best of luck!!!!!!!!!!!
I agree with @puppymom2006: take the texts to the police, suicide threats should not be taken lightly, Yes, she was just using it to be manipulative, but if she is in a psych hospital then at least she can't bother you guys. :) Give vendors or the planner (if you have one) pictures of these two so they know to turn them away if they show up at your wedding.
I would see if your FI can get a new phone/phone # at work!!! He could let his supervisor know he is getting harrassing phone calls (doesn't have to let them know who it's from). I also agree that they should be kept away from the wedding. They are insane!! So sorry!! Best Wishes to the two of you.
I am so sorry they are doing this to you. You really don't deserve this. I agree go to the authorities, and try to change phone numbers. But don't let them get the new numbers!!Everyone has given some really good advice, I wish I had more to give.
I'm so sorry====those two women are insane!!!
I totally agree about the police. Actually, you might be able to threaten harassment charges and have the officers tell them to not contact you guys again and maybe that'll shut them up? Sending 100 texts in an hour is harassment. Your FSIL knows that she doesn't want to be heard from and yet she does that. :(
I second the suggestion that your FI try to get a new number from work. After all, his employers probably don't want to pay for him to receive hundreds of harassing text messages either! If he can't do that, try calling the phone company and see if they offer call blocking for a specific phone number.
I know it is really difficult, but you two are on the right track with ignoring them. If they get no response (zero, not even confirmation that you got their messages) then they will eventually get tired of doing this stuff, because it won't be satisfying to them in any way.
Good luck, and I'm sorry that they are doing this to you...
i agree with puppymom i would call the police have them go to her embarrass the hell out of her, suicidal ideations and threats are serious. While i personally would have pressed harassment charges, i could see where your FI may not want to, i still would suggest it.
Take a break from them. I know your FI can't turn his phone off but don't read the texts and don't read the emails...send them to automatically be deleted. You don't need to be reading their venom.
If you decide to read the texts/emails and they are talking about suicide, call the police and have them do a welness call.
It would totally be a hassle on your end, but I think you should change your phone #'s and email addresses. Eliminate all the contact. I'm really sorry you're going through all of this, it should be a happy time for you and your FI. Hang in there.
Please take those texts to the police! Suicide threats aren't to be taken lightly, even if its supposedly an empty threat & to get attention.
If they won't leave you alone I'd file for a restraining order or harrasement. That is awful of them & you should have joy not worry about your upcoming wedding!
My goodness, I can't believe that two adult women can be so childish and mean.
Because you said that your other family members have been so wonderful and supportive I wouldn't suggest that you cancel the wedding and elope; it's your day and you should have it the way that you want it. But you should definitely make sure that some people are aware of the situation so that if either of them show up they can be quickly escorted out.
I do agree that you should look into a restraining order. This is clearly out of hand, and it might teach her a lesson to have the police involved. That way, if she does show up at the wedding, the police will be escorting her out rather than having your "uncle Bob" fighting with her.
Lastly, I'm not sure how much contact you and FI do have with these two women, but you should stop playing into them and completely cut yourselves off. I realize it may be difficult for your FI to do, but this is clearly a very unhealthy relationship, and neither of you should have to deal with it. Stop seeing them, stop speaking to them, change phone numbers, everything.
I know you are probably reluctant to do so but I 100% agree with the above posters that you should hand the texts over to the police and tell them that she has made serious threats to take her own life. It is NOT your call to distinguish fake childish cries for attention from the real thing. The police can take her to a psychiatrist who can and then scare the hell out of her for playing with fire.
So many truly depressed people lose the will to live and face serious demons and for this $(&%@ to manipulate you guys with such a threat is unforgivable!
I'm all for the suggestions, for him though, yes it is a little harder. I know he was so angry with her yesterday but he did get worried and called his father to make sure all is okay. He starts a new job soon so I already told him he should not be giving out his number to them, they abuse the phone rights and he doesn't even pay for his phone, his company does, he will look really bad if he gets a 100 text messages and his new company doesn't have a texting plan..guess who has to pay for that. At this point all contact has been cut, I haven't spoken to them since my shower really, and he has been pulling back over the last few weeks and then when she declined on the RSVP he just stopped talking to them in general. The crazy part was, his sister and him were on okay terms 3 weeks ago and the only thing that changed was him telling his mother that it was not okay for her to slander me and talk bad about me and he would not tolerate it, that set them all off again that I should never be #1 in his life, that THEY are his family, not me, and THEY come first, not me.
Holy crap! I'm not for cutting family out of your life- but it's time to put an emotional wall up. Your fiance needs to let his mother know he's sorry to be causing her intimely demise but this is the way things are. If she doesn't like it she doesn't have to take part in the wedding or your lifes. Point blank.
As for the sister- I would call the police when she threatens suicide. They'll show up at her home and either stop her (obviously this is a game), commit her, or shame her into stopping. The harrassment needs to stop.
Stop letting them make you victims. You don't deserve this kind of treatment. Also, your fiance needs to invest in a personal phone. If the company he works for sees a bunch of text messages that are not work related he's going to look bad. They issued cell phones at my old job- it was necessary for us to have private phones as well.
I know this is really hard advice, but drop them from your life. You shouldn't have to deal with people who abuse you, especially family. As you are choosing to make a family with your fiancée, you can also choose to let go of family that hurts you. You live once. Make it a happy one.
Can you call your phone company and block their numbers? I used to work for the biggest phone company in Canada and we would always take care of situations like that...
Even if it's just for the time being, you guys really need a chance to take a break.
Hmmm I think, if this were me, I would not want to spend the rest of my life legally tied to people this insane. Can you even imagine what will happen once you have kids? Not really worth it, in my opinion.
I think it's a little insensitive to say that it's not "worth it" to be stuck with these people. You don't have to be tied to them if you so choose. I'm quite sure the love you share with your FI is far stronger than all this chaotic tormenting by these troubled women, otherwise you would have been long gone.
Definitely make sure they don't have the new number, and see how things go from there. Unfortunately if this harrassment continues you may have to resort to a restraining order (which if violated, calls for automatic intervention from the authorities). They are temporary anyway, and after it expires, who knows... things may have changed. Hugs & best of luck.
Op- are you my twin? These people sound toxic, and it probably will never stop, unfortunately. Some people are obsessed with creating problems, or they just do, or they just will. I would take distance, if not move from them entirely. Consider seeing a professional that could listen to you and offer good advice.
I wouldn't listen to what crayfish said.
I'm always late on your posts and there is always such good advice already here; but I wanted to say that I am so sorry you have to deal with this. I would put the phone in a different room than you are in, just forget aboutthem! Can you go away for a weekend, no phones, no contact? You need to destress girl, I don't know what I would do in your situation, I would just lose it!
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I've really hit my breaking point with my FMIL and FSIL drama, I have such disgust for them...my FI and I can't go 1 day without them contacting us and harrassing us saying tons of terrible things about us and me. My FI is no longer picking up or responding to them or talking to them, but the stress of them is really getting to us both. We are a month from the wedding and everyday we have to deal with them. Last night his sister sent him 100 texts ( yes a 100) in a matter of an hour an half, she told him she was going to take a bottle of pills and swallow them, he still didn't respond to her and she did this for the entire evening. My FI can't shut his phone off because it's a work phone, he muted it but he could still see everytime she would text. Then his mother emails and again bashes me and us, and is still trying to force him to believe he shouldn't be with me and told him she is "killing his own mother". It's unbelievable the games they play, they gave their answer to not come to the wedding so that's the answer, we aren't going to beg them and play into this, but I know this won't end, and the next month is going to be worse hell. I have constant headaches and sick to my stomach, I can't sleep, and when I do I wake up with anxiety attacks, my FI has lost so much weight it's scary, he can't eat or focus. UGH! Just needed to vent!