(Closed) I can’t help but want to have a better wedding than her….

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
503 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I think you can have a much better wedding by her by being the exact opposite. Despite casual weddings (or rustic, home-spun, etc.) being all over wedding blogs, they are a rarity in most circles. Have the It sounds like that kind of simple, elegant wedding is what you want, so go for it. And people will be blown away by its beauty and “uniqueness”. 

Post # 4
Member
1254 posts
Bumble bee

@Tswife4ever: I think you are already headed in the right direction. The fact that you know that your reaction is merely the competitive side of you responding and not your true nature shows that you are at least correcting the issue.

It’s not hard to get envious especially with planning what would be one of the biggest days of your life. Even just seeing some WeddingBee posts on here sometimes strikes a chord of many what-ifs (if money, time, resources were unlimited I would do this, that, etc.). It is human nature to be competitive. It speaks to our desire to improve oneself. Embrace it and realize that she may have you beat on some of the wedding details, but while she’s focused on creating a grand affair, you are focused on creating a meaningful day. Grand affairs are easy to pull off with unlimited resources. Meaningful days are hard to come by. Keep your chin up! 😀

Post # 5
Member
553 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Aw. I’m sorry you feel that way! I know how frustrating it is to feel competitive or jealous and just NOT want to feel that way.

I would say talk to your family and friends about the big day – get excited with them. You are the only wedding in your immediate family’s life? Focus on why you are marrying your FI and what the day means about your whole life not just that one day or year.

See if you can involve FI’s mother, father, other siblings(?) in some aspect of your wedding planning. Maybe this can help them get excited about your wedding too.

Find something that the two of you does that reminds you of why you are getting married to help center yourself when you feel like you are losing yourself.

I haven’t had this situation but I know what it is like to feel like you are losing yourself in jealousy and competition. The best thing to do is focus on the good and find things that help center yourself.

Good luck and keep us updated!

Post # 6
Member
2305 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

I think whatever you do just remember to stay true to yourself and your vision and it will turn out beautiful. Being here you’d get so many great ideas, just try to stay focus and forget about them and everything will fall into place you see.

Post # 7
Member
240 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I think it’s a pretty big step to admit the feelings you’re having.  But I think you’ll find that as you go through the wedding planning process, you will have different tastes and different opinions on certain decisions, and the competitiveness will eventually subside.  As much as everyone here wants to have the most unique and amazing wedding with the most creative personal touches, we also realize that it is also about marriage.  And marriage is not a competition.  Good luck! 

Post # 9
Member
279 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Oh, sweetie. I know how you feel. My fiances best friend found out we were engaged…and then proposed to his girlfriend (he hadn’t even mentioned considering it before) a week later. Right after we announced our date, they announced theirs-one month Before ours. From then on it was the same sort of competition. It’s frustrating. It’s hurtful, and sometimes you just feel like throwing in the towel on the whole wedding you’ve planned…

Don’t give up.

The fact is, and it took me 6 months to make this conclusion, is that your wedding is your day. Of course it will be better than hers, because it will be YOURS. You wouldn’t like your wedding exactly like hers because you are a totally different person. You’ve made the choices and decisions you’ve had because you have different tastes that suit you. You are celebrating the love between You and Your man. Totally different relationship, and I’m sure a beautiful one! So don’t sweat it. You’re going to rock your wedding, and you know it. Relax, and have fun!

Post # 10
Member
253 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I agree with everyone else.  Also, be true to yourself!  If you end up just trying to outdo her, you might end up with a wedding that is not what you wanted.  Be true to yourself and have the wedding you have always wanted!

Post # 12
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

if you want to keep it unique, incorporate things that are all YOU and your FI. 

There’s bound to be lots of things about you and your FI that is not her or your FBIL.  Oh, and don’t mention any of what you’re doing to them or, give the completely WRONG details so that she can’t even attempt to duplicate you. 

Also, simplicity and elegence, itself, is unique and often difficult to pull off.  Not everyone can wear simple, elegant gowns.  It takes a certain personality to do it and not come off wrong.  (for an example: look at celebrities and what they wear.  not all of them look good in the simple gowns.)

I’m so sorry you have to go through all this.

Post # 13
Member
1079 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I don’t blame you at all. Do the wedding how you want it. If it is you then people will love and enjoy it.

Post # 14
Member
2239 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I think it’s best to just try and remember the wedding is to celebrate the love you and your fiance share. Focus on YOU and YOUR wedding and don’t worry so much about what she’s doing. I wouldn’t let it eat you up so much. Because if you think about it, you’re giving them way too much power over you. Power they don’t deserve. 

Post # 15
Member
2239 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

PS: I see we are month twins…so your wedding WILL be better anyway because May 2011 is the BEST MONTH EVER to get married!!!!

Post # 16
Member
78 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2010 - Parents' backyard

I’m sure your wedding will be beautiful and great HOWEVER your FBIL and his fiance sound like real jerks. “The best wedding” is completely subjective and in the end, even if you do have a “better wedding” they probably won’t think so. They’ll probably think their wedding was the best, just like you’ll think your wedding is the best (even if it is!). Sorry, I’m reading How To Win Friends and Influence People and it’s really got me thinking about other people’s reactions to our actions. Please try to enjoy yourself and stay true to you, and I agree with baldor1 in that you’ve already recognized what you are doing and that is the first step to stopping that way of thinking.

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