Weddingbee boards

I know this post is repetitive and I'm sure none of you ar surprised that I'm writing again about how hard it is to wait. But I've reached a point where my heart hurts so bad that I ant keep pretending I'm ok. At this point I need to tell him what I'm experiencing for the sake of my own sanity because otherwise I'm going to explode one day. I just need him to know that I'm feeling anxious and just want to be able to freely talk about us without pressure. I can't continue on without some acknowledgment of what will happen come july. I've done Mr. Bees plan and trust me it only helped to a certain point. Now I just need to know either way what will happen with us. I seriously can't wait anymore to find out. He is the type of guy who talks about his plans ALWAYS....but when it comes to our future he doesn't
say a word.

I just don't care anymore and really need him to know what I'm going through.

@picturemeurs:I think the main thing that bothers me is that we talk about anything and everything except us and our future.  I just wonder why that is.  The only time we talk about it is if I bring it up, I just wish that we could speak more freely about it like other couples do.  In no way do i mean i want to ask him why he hasnt proposed, etc. I just want us to be so free to talk openly about our feelings and thoughts.  Like couples who say "oh that's a cute neighborhood....when we start looking for a house we can consider this an option" or "let's go look at rings" ....you know what i mean

Thanks, that's very helpful advice.  And I agree that I shouldn't be going through this all alone.  Sure we have a timeframe for an engaged (July of this year), which he agreed to a few months ago, but it strikes me as odd that we can't just talk freely and openly about it.  Why do we have to go through this next few months completely avoiding that topic? 

Again, my purpose here is not to speed up the engagement or ask him why we're not engaged, etc.  My purpose is to see why the communication on the topic of our future is little to none.  I see how couples who arent even engaged talk about the future openly and I want the same for us. I've never brought this up to him before but I really think it's time--especially since most of my down moods have been a result of the lack of communication regarding my desires/concerns in this department. 

@claireos: Thanks.  I will be sure to make that part clear and I agree that I should do this without being emotional.  I think watching my brother and his gf (now fiance) before they got engaged showed me that it's so important to be able to communicate about the future. And I believe that is what really helped them work through all their issues (including my brother's reluctances to move forward) and finally get engaged. I know how much my SO wants me to be happy, and open communication would go a LONG way to helping me feel better--I will tell him just that without accusing him of anything--more along the lines of saying " I would be really happy if we could talk more openly about our future whenever we felt like it"

@claireos:

@KristenGotMarried:

Ladies, I understand your point, I really do.  But I can assure you this man is NOT the type to lead someone on and I trust him with my heart. I know for a fact that if I said I would leave he would straight up propose--but I did not say that to him because I didn't want him to do it out of fear of losing me.  What I did say a few months ago is that I've waited long enough and that I deserve to see some progress--to which he responded that he promises he will do everything to keep me and that he will come through in July (just a side note: the reason it's July is because his parents have to meet mine and they are still not in the country, but most definitely will be here by that time). 

While I have no doubt in my mind that he would marry me if it came down to the possibility of losing me, I do think that he is dragging his feet for whatever reason and come July I really cannot go forward without some progress (as in engagement). 

OK, so I agree that from an objective view point this situation looks hopeless.  And I see where you are coming from.  So I'm going to express my concerns to him in a straightforward and calm manner and see where this thing is truly headed.  Ultimately, I know one thing which I would be willing to bet my life on: he doesn't want to lose me.  And of course I don't want to lose him.  But at the end of the day this issue has to be worked out through communication.  So that's what I plan to do. 

@Shirinjoon:i'm having a really hard time too! girl, we're in the home stretch! why is it so hard? don't ask me! but ya, i'm getting to the point where i don't really even want to be around my man until we are engaged. have any ex waiting bee's had this anxiety in your last two months of waiting? and what did you do to get through it???

@KatyElle: I didn't realize there was a limit on the number of waiting posts. It's called "waiting boards" for a reason--so that we can seek support from others who are waiting and who understand the situation best.  I don't get it when women who aren't waiting feel they can judge the waiting ones for posting too much.

He's made it very clear that he doesn't imagine a future without me--that is simply not the issue.  He also doesn't know how it's affecting me because I hide it so well.  And I can bet my life that he isn't leading me on, and I've never had a doubt about that.

Again, my issue is that I woud like us to just be more free about discussing the future--the same way we were in the very beginning.

@MissHoneyBun: Wow, talk about snarky.  I was posting hoping to get advice and supporT NOT to have someone talk to me like that. 

I can honestly say that weddingbee is not for me.  I'm outta here.

 @MissHoneyBun: He has never once refused to talk about it.  I am simply saying that I wish HE were the one to bring it up, not me.  He is always very sweet and open when I do bring it up. 

If you think im so whiny and crying on the internet, then maybe you shouldn't read and comment on my posts.

@Lilubird: Yes, I'm leaving because I believe that being on here makes me focus way too much on waiting and for my own sanity I need to just get off wedding bee.  I also don't like that I can't post freely without someone telling me Im posting too much or complaining.  I will miss several bees however who have been more than amazing to me.

@Sunshine1810: Thanks Sweetie, and I really appreciate your advice and will definitely follow it. 

@mightywombat: I would never be with a man who refuses to talk about the future or who sends out the vibe that he just isnt interested in the conversation.  I should have been more clear that my SO has been nothing but receptive when I bring it up.  However, he never brings it up on his own and that bothers me because I want us to be able to talk about it freely.  Which is why I wanted to bring it up tonight.  Anyway, these posts are always misleading because people never truly know the dynamics of a relationship based on a post.

I agree with you too that it's best to get off--I know i will feel much better because i wont be constantly focused on wating.

I agree 100% that such conversations need to happen and I think that those ladies who advised me to do that are absolutely right.  That's not why I'm offended.  I am offended because one or two ladies on the boards automatically assume based on a frustrated post that the relationship is doomed and that the woman should just move on.  My post never asked for someone's opinion on the relationship--but rather advice on how to approach this conversation and how to handle it.  I really hate when people just jump and tell you "oh honey he's not interested, move on".....how can you say that when you dont even know me, him, or our relationship....and especially when I never asked for advice on whether to stay or go!

July is just one month away!

I know it's frustrating, but it's so close. Guys aren't the type to just bring it up on their own. My guy will talk about the logistical stuff: how we'd move my stuff to another state, how long he's going to lease an apartment til I get there, etc, but he doesn't say, "Let's talk about how we're getting engaged."

It's just in the differences of male and female communication. I think sometimes we get so caught up in the proposal side of things we don't think about everything else that has to happen first, or that a man needs to do.

I'm sorry you're leaving the bee, but I don't think anyone was trying to be necessarily mean. The thing about the internet is that everyone here has the advantage of being objective, so they can give unbiased advice.

Honestly, sometimes I've thought that maybe he's just not ready when I read your posts. But like you said, it's impossible for us to know how your relationship is in real life, because we have very little information.

But it does seem that you are pretty unhappy most of the time about your situation. I know waiting is not fun, but sometimes it gets confusing whether you're unhappy with waiting or unhappy with the relationship in general.

We just want to help.

Good luck!