(Closed) "I CAN'T marry you…"

posted 6 years ago in Christian
Post # 3
100 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@Miss T-Rex:  You should date someone else or accept your SO’s beliefs because that are just as valid as your own. I’m a Methodist marrying an Agnostic, and I would never consider trying to change him because that wouldn’t be fair. If being with a Christian man is important, you should leave you SO and go find one.

Post # 4
2523 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I’m sorry you’re struggling with this issue.

I do not think you’re wrong, as a Christian, to want to be “evenly yoked,” especially because it can lead to disputes down the road. Have you talked to him about this? Does he know how you feel about your relationship in relation to Christ?

If not, I definitely think a non-confrontational talk is in order. It’s very difficult, but if he is the right man for you, then things will work out. If he’s not, then the right man will find you down the road.

However, brace yourself for the possibility that he will not convert. Religion is a very personal decision, and I never condone anyone converting for the sake of someone else. Everything in it’s due time, if it’s meant to be.

Post # 5
9056 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

I flagged your post for movement just because I think you might get a better response if you were posted under one of the secular pages that might get more attention from people with experience in your situation.

Post # 6
693 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Miss T-Rex:  I’m from Lexington, my Darling Husband is from Radcliff!

I am sort of on the fence about alot of things, but Darling Husband doesn’t try to sway me. He wants to go to church every Sunday, and that is fine. He can even take my daughter. It just isn’t my thing. I don’t try to sway him either. It’s like politics with us. We agree to disagree.

I agree with nerdysarah-each beliefs are valid.

Post # 9
1077 posts
Bumble bee

@Miss T-Rex:  Happy Friday to you too! I’m sorry you find your partner’s lack of faith disturbing (yuk yuk). I have been on the other side of the fence in this situation and it is hard. At the end of the day I think that it is best not to push him, for many the choice to be nonreligious is just as deeply personal as it is to be religous. If the situation were flipped how would you feel?

I would ask him about it and give him a chance to speak his mind too, sometimes a nonreligous person is okay going to church on occasion or having their kids go to church but just doesn’t want to convert or be an active member within a congregation. 


Post # 10
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Religion is just another “point” that couples should come to terms with be that agreeing on the same life choices, or agreeing to disagree / go their own way on a particular issue (example, I know several couples where one goes to church and the other doesn’t).

BUT they don’t force their POV on the other

Their beliefs are their own, and they respect each other because they don’t always agree on everything… and they are Ok with that (they appreciate the other person as an individual… understanding that they won’t always be 100% insync)

The thing about Religion tho is it can impact so many other issues in a marriage…

Including… Human Rights, Morals, Ethics, Sexuality, Having Children, Raising Children, and even Death and End of Life choices.

IMO it is far more important that you all agree on THOSE issues BEFORE you get married, rather than just agree to go to the same church or share the same Religion.

Hope this helps,

EDIT TO ADD – I’ve always considered myself somewhat Religious (went to church regularly) when I met Mr TTR he considered himself more “spiritual” than being about any particular Christian Denomination… so he isn’t into bricks & mortar, because he sees the “flaws” that humans bring to man-made religions… As I’ve always lived my life around a Church Community, I found it “strange” that he didn’t attend services. 

BUT within a very short time, I was quick to recognize that he was a good man who LIVED his life with dignity (far more than any other man I’ve met)… and he is the kindest guy I’ve ever known.  He lives a good life “for others” every single day.  He is beyond genuine when it comes to LIVING A LIFE filled with goodness and caring for others.  I soon came to realize that I could sit in a pew every Sunday beside the guy I know who is cheating on his wife (cause I saw his page on an Internet Dating Site looking for a “bit on the side”) OR I could date this man and spend my EVERYDAY being a better person cause of it.  I chose the latter.  No regrets.  And if I ever feel the inkling to go sit in a church and hear a sermon, well Mr TTR won’t blink and eye… he fully understands that I am my own person, and will do whatever I need to spiritually to get thru this life, or make the road a little easier when the going gets tough (such as a Death, Illness or other Tragedy).  And that to me is true love… real acceptance of another for who they really are.


Post # 11
1629 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Have you tried praying about it/ praying for him?  Or even praying for clarity About it?  Dh and I aren’t Christian but we have an active prayer life.  That seems to always be the solution to my worries.

Post # 12
1093 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

When I read the title of your thread I thought you’ve been dating a short time but know you’re in love. You’ve been on WB for some time and have many threads about getting engaged, looking at rings, etc. I would think if it was that important to you for him to know the Lord that you wouldn’t continue a relationship with him even if he was perfect. Isn’t it a little late in the game for that? What if he never wants to be into God? Where’s the communication?

When I met my husband for the first time this was one of the things I asked him. It was important for me to be with a man who knew God. If he said he didn’t believe in God or wouldn’t ever go to church with me I wouldn’t have had a 2nd date.

Post # 13
2523 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@Miss T-Rex:  There are a lot of great men and women out in the world, but when choosing a mate we do have to be realistic about our needs and wants in a partner. If someone is a self-described liberal with a low sex drive and they happen to love meat, they probably wouldn’t go well with a super conservative with a high sex drive who is a vegetarian.

It doesn’t mean the two people are bad people, but they are different individuals with different needs. But it also doesn’t mean that it absolutely can’t work. However, if any of those issues are dealbreakers for them, then it needs to be considered.

No one is a bad person for having dealbreakers. If faith is one of yours, then that is your preference. You deserve to have a partner suited for you just like the hardcore conservative vegetarian does, too.

Post # 14
4794 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2019

My FH has struggled with his faith a lot. It was shoved down his throat as a child, so he’s had a lot of “do I believe this because I do or because my parents told me to?” problems as he’s gotten older. 

We watched The Book of Eli together the other day and for some reason it got him wanting to re-read the Bible. It sparked a lot of conversation between us during the movie too. 

If neither of you have seen it, it could make a pretty good conversation starting tool. Plus it really is a good movie, and that’s saying something because I generally hate movies. 

Post # 16
3847 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2004

@Miss T-Rex:  I totally understand where you are coming from.  My husband and I dated for 3.5 years and it was only after he became a Christian that we got married.  Looking back I can see that I should have been more honest.  At some point I should have just said “Look, I am only going to marry a Christian man.  If that is you, I would love that.  Please, for the sake of our future, get into a relationship with God.”  Also, if you are doing anything that is totally outside of the will of God…stop.  You lose all credibility with your arguement if you say you will only marry a Christian man but are sleeping with him or living together, etc.  Again, I am speaking from experience.

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