(Closed) I can’t seem to adjust to my new role.

posted 7 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
1104 posts
Bumble bee

I think I’d start by asking your hubby what he thinks…if there is a sister in law or someone else “new” to the family that you feel comfortable with, I might ask them too. I have no advice, I’m not *really* sure how you’re feeling, I don’t think I’ve ever felt this way, but as this is your husband’s family I would try to be honest with him and see what he thinks your best course of action is.

Post # 4
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee

I pretty much always feel awkward at my in-laws.  I have very different political and life ideologies.  However, we seem very cordial and I just stick to that.  I say give it time, I think eventually the ice will thaw and things will warm up.  It’ll just take a looong time.  In the mean time, ask your hubby to help you and kind of bring up good topics to discuss that he’ll know won’t offend but will definitely get some fun in there.  A thing that my in-laws do is play board games and it’s always fun!

Post # 5
Member
1315 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I’m having trouble understanding you myself, to be honest!! Ah no, I think I get what you’re saying. My FI has a Waltons-close family, where mine was a lot less so. I’ve found it hard to adjust to, especially when we moved 100 miles across country, to settle in our home town, living with my dad, and 4 miles from his family! They’re really expressive, and affectionate, and they love a good fight. Honestly. There are times where I just can’t be around his baby sis (he has 4 sisters) because she’d strike sparks out of a damp cloth. And then, I’ve always been a man’s woman, so I find it kind of hard to be around women so much! I know that sounds weird, but men are just so much easier to spend time with, I think. I find it hard to watch my words so much of the time, for fear of someone misinterpreting.

I think the key is to just take your time with it. Are you spending a lot of time with them? Maybe too much? Can you scale it back a little, in order to have more newlywed time? Do you have many friends in the area? Who aren’t related to anyone? I now make sure I get to spend plenty of time with some of MY friends, so I can vent when I need to.

 

 

Post # 7
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee

Are they upset that you two moved away from them and so they’re giving you guys the awkward, cold/silent treatment?

Post # 8
Member
1403 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

To take the promotion analogy a little further, let’s say you got promoted to an entirely different department and now work with entirely different people.  Just like a job shift, now you have to learn the dynamics of this new environment and find your niche.

Observe first, then participate.  FI’s family has been living with each other all their lives, so they already know who to expect bluntness from and who to expect properness from.  To them, it’s probably nothing new that X person says borderline rude things, and it wouldn’t be foremost on their minds that you’re not familiar with these things.  So you just have to be the passive observer for a while.

You don’t have to become someone else to fit into their family, and fitting in certainly doesn’t happen overnight.  How long did it take you to get as comfortable with your FI as you are?

Good luck with the new family, and don’t take anything personally!

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