- 8 years ago
- Wedding: February 2010
Is anyone else having trouble?
It seems that with some of my husband’s family members, I’m readily accepted as if I’ve always been family. That’s VERY nice, but there are plenty of times when they are TOO familiar with me (read: rough, blunt) and my feelings get bruised, OR, I make the mistake of bringing up a topic that I didn’t realize bothered them and now that we’re family they tell me so. In other words, with the family that really likes me, I’ve been just THROWN IN to the MIX.
With other of my husband’s family members, everything is prim, proper, sanitized, cordial, polite, and neat. The humanity of true connections aren’t really there. With this situation, things are just fine as long as I continue to respond in kind, but I find it hard to not want more. And when I get more involvement in my life, I get nervous and defensive.
I just CAN’T find the right mix. I am completely losing my footing, and I think it’s because the stakes rose dramatically. Before, if I wasn’t on awesome terms with everyone it didn’t matter. But now it MATTERS in really deep ways I never realized before.
I try to cut myself some slack and I say “Well, the dynamics changed on me.” They did, but I can’t iron them out. Suddenly, I am in a position of importance. I got a promotion, but I still feel like I didn’t because there are still higher-ups than me (parents.) I’m an adult, but not really because they always trump me. It’s like I’m not REALLY in charge until the day they’re no longer around.
But as I said, my main issue is that I can’t seem to nail down the particulars of my new role. I want more connection with his family, but when I get it I don’t like it. I am totally in the fold with his other family but sometimes it can be way too much. They are high emotion people, and I thought I was but I guess I’m nothing compared to them. EXTREME HIGHS and EXTREME LOWS make things taxing.
And what do you do when you end up with a better relationship with an in-law than the husband actually has?
I don’t really know what I’m saying anymore.