- 7 years ago
I have pretty much had mostly positive reactions to my engagement. However, last night, I realized that this won’t always be the case. A family friend (J) whom I hadn’t spoke to in six months called me out of the blue. J only calls me when he wants to get caught up on family gossip, if I don’t bite, he won’t call me again for several more months. So, J called me to gossip about my step-cousin’s sham of an engagement. Then, he says, “Oh, and what business do you think you have getting married?!” He proceeds to tell me that I am young and do not know what I want. He told me that I need to be getting married “for the right reasons.”
I am young. I will only be 22 at the time of my wedding, FI will be 27. However, I have never had the mindset of others my age. I can’t stand when people box me up in an age group. I am nothing like other 21 year olds. I HATE bar hopping and partying. I don’t want to sleep around, the concept disgusts me. Anything I do that I consider to be “living my life” can be done, and is preferrably done, with my FI. We do things apart, as well, and he doesn’t mind if I take little girls trips or whatever. I am what a lot of people would like to call “boring”, I guess.
Whose to say my marriage won’t end up in divorce? But, who is to say it definitely WILL?? Just because I’m younger than the statistical 25?? Really?? Develop some sort of a brain before you pass down judgements. At least some sort of an understanding of who I am, what I want, and how I feel.
Anyway, J, this family friend, has been divorced once due to his chronic alcoholism. In fact, he was drunk when he called me last night! Since his divorce he has bounced around from one low self-esteem female to the next. He basically gets with a vulnerable woman, uses her for money, then treats her horribly and dumps her after a few months when she gets “crazy”.
After J ripped into me for being engaged, he said, “Well, I’m getting married in a couple of months. But, we’re older, we know what we’re doing!” Okay, this was the first time I’d heard of this girl. He has known her for all of three months (he says he first met her in high school) and they are getting married. But, that is perfectly okay because he’s older than me?? Are you kidding?? I have known FI long enough to learn the vital information about him that you cannot possibly learn in less than a year. We also live together. J and his new flame haven’t lived in the same house, ever. But, he’s talking about moving down to my state with her next month (he does this with EVERY girl)!
I am floored. What gives J the right to try to talk to me like a child because I’ve decided to commit my life to someone I have been in a long-term live-in relationship with, while he is planning to marry some girl he’s known for maybe three months? Yeah, he may have met her in school. But, they have not had any contact since then. That has been 20 years! People change in 20 years! Idk, I am just really offended. The fact that J demanded an invitation to my wedding AFTER criticizing it really pissed me off, too. Ugh!