- 4 years ago
- Wedding: July 2012
I’m not really sure what I’m looking for here – advice, sympathy, or just a space to vent because I don’t want to blow up on my husband, but I can’t stand my father-in-law. He’s pretty intolerable most of the time, but yesterday he just drove me insane… I really couldn’t explain it all, so I’ve got some dot points – I apologise if it’s long, inappropriate or confusing….
• My MIL said that a friend’s toddler (son) wanted to wear dresses. I mentioned that my brother used to wear dresses up until he was about 5-6 years old. My FIL carried on for ages about how our kids had better not do that and he wouldn’t allow that kind of behaviour when they were with him. I said “Better hope they don’t turn out gay!” FIL responded “No relative of mine would ever be like that, and if they did, there would be hell to pay.”
• My husband and his brother were having a discussion on how to make jam (yes, really), and FIL began complaining that they weren’t real men and took after their mother, as if that’s the worst thing in the world. FIL made some comment like “Do we need to send you guys outside to fight this out?” when my husband and his brother began debating whether feijoa or raspberries made better jam (keep in mind it was a pretty polite conversation they were having, and FIL was getting very worked up by it).
• MIL asked my husband about some of his old belongings (particularly clothes) that were still at their house. Husband said “Just chuck them out – give them to [cousin] or to the op-shop, I don’t want them.” This seriously started a 5 minute argument about how husband had to look through the clothes first in case MIL threw out something he wanted. Husband pointed out he hadn’t seen any of those clothes for at least 3-4 years, and they most likely wouldn’t fit him. When FIL started ripping into husband about this (I don’t even know how it became an issue), I tried to lighten the mood with the same comment FIL made “Do we need to send you guys outside to fight this out?” FIL immediately turned on me, saying “You wouldn’t understand. This is how a family works and how you raise kids. You’ll understand when you guys have kids, because they will be just as bad as [husband].”
• Later in the evening, we were talking about our new house that we’re moving in to soon. FIL started carrying on about how we should move into this house and not plan on moving, because it’s where we’ll be raising our family and all the memories will be there. Now, husband and I had discussed this a lot before buying a house, and we had already decided that the house we bought was (hopefully) going to be the house we stayed in forever, so I was saying that to FIL “Yes, yes, husband and I talked about this ages ago. We’ve bought the house, we don’t plan on leaving, etc. etc.” He still kept going on for ages, then it sunk in that I was agreeing with him and he said “I’m glad you agree with what I’m saying and you’re going to do it. I just want what’s best for you.”
• We weren’t planning on staying the night at their house, because I had to pick my dad up from the train station in our hometown (about 45 minutes away) and dad was staying at our house. FIL laid on the guilt really thick when he heard we weren’t staying (even though we told them ages ago!), and carried on about how we clearly like my dad more than him. I was very tempted to say “My dad’s not a manipulative arsehat so…yeah, we like him WAY more than you!”
He also gave us lectures on when we should have grandchildren (as soon as possible), and whether or not we should renovate our house, what sheds we should build and how to go about doing it, that my job sucks and I should change, husband should have never given up on his PhD, etc…. I honestly can’t even remember all the stuff he was going on about, but I just left their place feeling angry and frustrated.