- 5 years ago
Instead of posting vague facebook statuses, I thought I’d take my rant to weddingbee.
The back story is that my parents divorced when I was little, my mom moved five hours away to be with family with us and my dad stayed at his job, got remarried and then several years after that divorced his second wife because he was having an affair. He and his mistress have now been married for a few years, he’s adopted her kids, and she hates me.
I find this digusting, because I have had such a horrible relationship with my father since he started being with her. Firstly, he had an affair which I had to forgive him for. I’m still in contact with his second wife because she’s a good friend and I’ve now known her around 15 years. Secondly, I grew up in near poverty and his two ‘new’ kids (whose dad hasn’t been in their lives since they were very little) have everything handed to them. Things he didn’t have money for for my brother and I, they new kids get. I grew up with my mom’s abusive boyfriend and have developed severe mental health problems that I’ve since gotten under control after years of therapy and they grew up with the dad I never had. I am so happy for them, because I wouldn’t want them to go through what I went through, but it is so hard to not be upset at my dad when I ask him for help and he says “I don’t have enough money” and I find out he got a $2-3k/month raise at work and his wife just started working and has a really nice job.
At one point, I had to stay at my grandma’s to visit with my dad because I was “forbidden” from staying at their house because I told her that I was upset my dad wasn’t the best father growing up. I had to apologize. She didn’t come up for mine or my brother’s graduation. Whenever we visit, she comes up with excuses to not be around and generally make us feel like we’ve done something wrong so she doesn’t want to be around us.
So now that I’ve gotten my life in order and am in a stable, loving relationship and told my dad we’re getting married she’s deleted me on facebook. Now, I’m 100% sure she’s not coming to my wedding reception, but deleting me is a childish thing to do, which I was honestly surprised she didn’t do earlier. But it’s like “Oh you’re getting married? Well f you for not doing what I had planned for your life.”
My dad is more or less too busy with his new family to do much with us (I can honestly only contact him while he’s at work because he’s too busy with his family during nights and weekends to answer the phone) and I’m pretty sure it’s at least partially his wife controlling him. I was hoping to come down and see their new house, but now I’m just so through with the situation. I love my dad, and he can be a good father and listens to me when I need it, and I know he’s trying to make up for being a bad dad to us by being a good dad to his new kids, but it just sucks.
I don’t understand women who are jealous of their husband’s kids. I don’t understand how you could ever discourage your husband from having relationships with his kids. Before her, he was so much more involved. We actually went on vacations together and he made us a priority. My heart is just broken because I just don’t see my relationship with my stepmom being fixed, and until it is, my relationship with my dad is strained.
Sorry for ranting, I just needed to get it off my chest.