- 6 years ago
- Wedding: April 2013
I hate the fact that I’m feeling this way, but I can’t stop thinking about my ex.
Fiance and I have been together almost a year, and he is a wonderful man. He’s kind, loving, stable, and supportive. But a couple years ago (before I met FI), I fell in love with a guy I thought was all those things. Long story short, he wasn’t. He told me over and over how much he loved me and wanted to spend his life with me, then literally woke up one morning and said he didn’t love me anymore. He told me he was still in love with his ex, and he left me for her. I haven’t talked to him since that day, but as far as I know, he’s still with her.
It was so sudden and completely crushing to hear this man I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with tell me that he’d rather be with someone else. Through mutual friends, I found out that he had been communicating with her almost the whole time we were together. He had even gone to see her one night when I was working, and had called her a few times when he was drunk. There were so many other things he apparently lied to me about. He somehow hid from me that he was a very heavy drinker and smoker (I smelled smoke on him but his roommate was a smoker, so I chalked it up to that). He had been divorced several years ago, which I knew about. He told me he had never had sex with anyone but his ex-wife, and was waiting until he got married again. It turns out he had sex with the ex-girlfriend he left me for. One night when he had been drinking, he started yelling and berating me, telling me I was a horrible girlfriend and immature, and he’d rather have his ex wife back than be with me. And he told me he had been telling his family all about me, but it turned out they didn’t know I existed.
I know the way he treated me was horrible. Bu before these things came to light, I thought our relationship was great. I did love him. Or at least, I loved who I thought he was.
Lately I can’t stop thinking about him, and wishing he had never left me. I drive past places we used to spend time together, and can’t help but start crying. I miss him so much, and I don’t understand why.
I’ve told Fiance about all of this, because we don’t keep secrets from each other. He told me he understood that I was hurt so badly by someone I thought loved me, and it was okay to feel that way. This just reinforces that Fiance is an amazing man, and makes me feel even more guilty for having these thoughts about my ex.
I want to stop feeling this way. Fiance even suggested I email the ex and tell him all of this just to try to get closure. I’ve considered it, but I doubt he would even read it. I am becoming consumed by these thoughts of “what if” and even though the ex was a crappy person, I miss him so much it hurts.
Please, if you have any advice on how to get over this, or why I’m feeling this way, comment and tell me. But if you’re going to be rude, snarky, or call me a horrible person (which I already feel like), please don’t say anything. I’m hurting enough right now.
Thank you for reading this.