Post # 1
I have had a rocky relationship with my mom its not good. Shes so poor she borrows money off anyone she meets. I have given her so much money and now that i am not working i ask my husband to give her money to help her out. Which his response is No all the time. She smokes pot and her brain is all over the place. I cant trust her on what she is doing with the money so i buy her the food instead of giving her money. So she calls me or texts me every second day about money issues or relationship problems. Cause her man is disablied and shes taking care of him. When they both dont work. I always feel bad for her, but when i say things to her like dont fight with your bf about stupid crap cause its going to cause him to have a heart attack. she Always says i am taking his side, when i have lived with her my whole life and i know for a fact shes crazy and all of her relationships have been done with her crap and they leave her cause shes over barring. Including my relationship with her. She blames me for kicking her out of my home when she stole my rent money and left for months so i moved her stuff out cause i dont need the constant stress. Now that i have a baby she thinks she can control me, by telling me that i dont know what i am doing. I dont agree the way shes treating others. At times i think she is acting all fake to get what she wants, i dont know if the situation is true. If she doesnt like something or someone she leaves. Her bf had a stroke heart attack and coma and he now cant do much shes just fought with him today and is planning on leaving him again for the 6th time. This time she literally has no where to live and doesnt even have $1.00. Me and my husband just bought a house and we have four bedrooms and I am feeling guilty of not inviting her to live in my house. I literally cant handle her behavior, she doesnt execpt my help she always puts me down. Then she complains to everyone how bad of a person i am, when i am not considering i bought her 100 in gas and 150 in food. I am stumped and hurt.
Post # 3
She smokes pot and owns a car? Those are luxuries, not necessities.
I would not help your mother until she helps herself. You’d be surprised how adaptable people are when they learn they can’t manipulate you anymore.
Post # 4
This breaks my heart. I am sorry you have to deal with this, but I think some tough love is in order. SHE is an adult and you are not obligated to provide for anybody besides your husband and your child. It is disgusting how she manipulates you and I think the only way out of this game is for you to put your foot down and say NO. It will be hard, but don’t accept phone calls from her anymore, don’t give her money, don’t do anything for her. I know it’s difficult to ignore her because you love her, but she clearly is taking you and your family for granted. Best of luck
Post # 5
you are not reposible for your mom and you shouldnt have to expose your family and child to her drug use and flakiness.
when i hear/meet people like you i applaude you for the way you turned out despite your mom not because of her – she has stolen from you, lied to you and has continually manipulated you with her own selfishness. your priority is your family so do not feel guilty about that
Post # 7
You sound like such a giving, caring person, despite coming from what sounds like a very chaotic childhood.
As much as you’re always going to love and care for your mom, sometimes the best way to show your love is by not enabling her harmful behaviour. It’s true when they say that tough love is the hardest on the giver.
Good luck, and big hugs, it must be so touch to be in your situation right now.
Post # 8
I can understand your feeling guilty. I would too. BUT the absolute best thing you can do for your mom right now is to not help. She really needs to hit bottom. Maybe then she will take stock of her life and change. I know this is tough but really this IS love. Do nothing. If she calls just tell her she needs to get help to kick the drug habit. That you love her and will be praying for her but you are done enabling her then hang up. Don’t engage her in conversation. Everytime she calls become a broken record and always hang up. Never argue. To argue gives her power and upsets you. (It also makes it easier for her to justify her behavior in her own eyes. Right never has to argue it is just right.) Always tell her this in a loving tone and never argue. It isn’t foolproof and often takes years. She may even hate you for awhile. That is ok. You love her enough to let her hate you. You just want to see her whole right?
(Can you tell I have been there with multiple family members?) I will be praying for you both. Hugs*
Post # 9
Another option you have, is to do some research. Find out the addresses of the homeless shelters or women’s housing advocates in your area. Find out where she can get fed at, if there are churches who offer clothing, etc – and when she calls you, turn her in that direction. You are not obligated to invite her chaos into your home to disrupt your life.