I can't tell if I'm upset over nothing. Advice please

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1253 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@girltuesday:  Just be a little more clear with him. It sounds like he’s being kind of a dunce, so just tell him “look, honey, I am very scared, and in a lot of pain, and I need your support. Just having you there while I wait to go in, and knowing you will be there when I come out, will really give me comfort and support, and I need that right now. I know it is not fun to sit in a waiting room for a while, but I really really would like for you to be there for me.”

Post # 4
Member
295 posts
Helper bee

Well. I know my SO would drop just about everything to be there if I asked him to and I would do the same. But that’s largely because we are also the type of people that only ask things like that when we really need it (specifically emotionally in this case). I will say that even considering how thoughtful my SO is most of the time, there are instances where he was a little dense and didn’t recognize that he wasn’t being supportive the way I needed him to be and I had to have a serious conversation with him. In all of those cases he went “omg I didn’t realize!” 

I would try sitting down with him and saying something along the lines of “DH I know this doesn’t seem like a big deal to you but it’s really scary for me and I would really appreciate it if you came with me so I don’t feel like I’m dealing with this alone. I know that you being there doesn’t change the outcome but it really makes me feel a lot better.” See what he says. Sometimes you have to be REALLY blunt before they get it. 

Post # 5
Member
2165 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@girltuesday: I’m so sorry you’re going through that!  I hope that you’re OK!

I’d definitely just spell it out a little more for him….say “look honey, you’re my husband, I love you, and you make me feel better when I’m scared.  I’m really scared right now, and I need you to help me get through this appointment.  Please come with me to the doctor.”

Good luck!

Post # 6
Member
228 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

I would be really upset in this instance to. im okay with normal doctors/specialists without FI (he always offers), but if something was bad enough for me to go to emergency you can bet i’d want him with me. 

 

Like pps have said. Try being very clear and direct with him. is he maybe afraid of doctors or something? 

Post # 7
Member
5199 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@arabbel:  +1

I think his reaction reflects how HE would feel in the situation and I don’t think he’s trying to be non-supportive.  Honestly, I would feel the same way!  I have no interest in going to the doctor with anyone else.  

Just let him know why it matters to you and I’m sure he’ll understand.

Post # 8
Member
7197 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@girltuesday:  I think he thinks he’s kind of redundant. You’re an adult, not a child, so you don’t need him to take you to the doctor. And perhaps he thinks your presence might affect how you’d talk to the doctor?

Apart from pregnancy related visits, and times one of us can’t drive, we’ve never accompanied each other to the doctor in many years of marriage.

I don’t think he’s doing anything wrong. But just make it clearer that you’d like him there for support.

Post # 9
Member
3394 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@girltuesday:  He might be a jerk or he might be afraid. Men (men and women really, but I see it a lot more in men) can be funny about doctors and hospitals. My FI had never in his life set foot in a hospital because his grandpa went to the hospital and died. Even when his cousin was in the hospital for 5 days, very ill he would not go see him. The very idea freaks him out. Then last year he got burned on his face and neck (some idiot at work put a tray in the overhead microwave with grease in it. Along comes FI not knowing this pan of scalding hot grease is what he’s going to pull out of there.) Anyway, he had to go to the ER, I went with him. He asked be a billion questions about what was going to happen in the ER. He was very nervous. Even just going to the doctor makes him nervous. Maybe your husband just gets the ebbie-jeebies about doctors. Just explain to him how important it is to you that he’s there for support and how it will make you feel better. Maybe he just doesn’t get it.

Post # 10
Member
868 posts
Busy bee

@girltuesday:  I take a different perspective on this. He’s being a jerk and for me it would be a deal breaker. I would Have to reconsider the relationship.

Post # 11
Member
929 posts
Busy bee

@girltuesday:  You could try asking him as other PPs have suggested. 

SO will come to the drs with me if my depression is really bad, or I can’t walk because I’m dizzy/light-headed/vertigo or my knee is so swollen I need help hobbling along. I’d go with him if he wanted me to. 

Post # 12
Member
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@girltuesday: He will go if I ask him to, so I think you need to just say, “Honey, I am really scared, and I want you to be there with me for support. Please come with me.”

Post # 13
Member
7262 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

This makes me really sad 🙁 My DH would go with me for support. I think it’s sad that you are asking him for support and comfort and he’s not willing to give it to you. *hugs*

Post # 14
Member
1305 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

If I ask him, DH will go with me. The only time I’ve asked him is for doctors appointments for our children.

It sounds to me like he just doesn’t understand his role in being there. You have to be clearer to him like PPs have said.

Post # 15
Member
2571 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Fi won’t accompany me to routine doctor appointments, but when I was going through something scary a couple of years ago he was right by my side holding my hand…

OP I think you should just ask SO to be there for you. 

Post # 16
Member
608 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

FI will accompany me to any doctors appointment I ask as he knows I get very nervous.  However, he rarely will go to the grocery store with me so you win some you lose some!

However, I do think its odd that something which may or may not be serious is going on and he seems to care less.  I am really sorry you’re going through this.

Leave a comment


Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors