Post # 1
This is about my husband but I have to give you some history. About a week ago I started breaking out in what looks like hives all over my feet, legs and arms. At first it looked like bug bites but then more started to appear. So I went to urgent care and I went alone in the evening. I asked my husband to go with me and he said just go on your own it should be fine. The doctor gave me a prescription, just a cream and sent me home.
Fast forward to today. The skin condition has gotten much worse, I’m in total pain. I have three doctor appointments. A dermatologist, an allergy specialist, and an infectious disease doctor. He suggested I go to the later of the three, I ask, can you please go with me to the infectious disease doctor. I had just finished crying when I asked because of the pain. He said “why would you want the to go with you? you want me to wait in the waiting room for you?” I said, I would like for you to be there with me please. Then he said “why? The doctor might ask you personal questions, I think it would be best if you went alone.”
I feel so sad. I have always been very independent, and it’s hard for me to ask for help. So when I do, I really need it. I’m totally freaking out because I don’t know what is going on with my body. I’m uncomfortable, it’s getting worse and I’m in pain. Am I crazy to want him to go with me? Mind you, he had an extremely flexible work schedule so that isn’t the case. He just doesn’t want to go.
Do your husbands or partners go to the hospital or doctor with you?
Post # 3
@girltuesday: Just be a little more clear with him. It sounds like he’s being kind of a dunce, so just tell him “look, honey, I am very scared, and in a lot of pain, and I need your support. Just having you there while I wait to go in, and knowing you will be there when I come out, will really give me comfort and support, and I need that right now. I know it is not fun to sit in a waiting room for a while, but I really really would like for you to be there for me.”
Post # 4
Well. I know my SO would drop just about everything to be there if I asked him to and I would do the same. But that’s largely because we are also the type of people that only ask things like that when we really need it (specifically emotionally in this case). I will say that even considering how thoughtful my SO is most of the time, there are instances where he was a little dense and didn’t recognize that he wasn’t being supportive the way I needed him to be and I had to have a serious conversation with him. In all of those cases he went “omg I didn’t realize!”
I would try sitting down with him and saying something along the lines of “DH I know this doesn’t seem like a big deal to you but it’s really scary for me and I would really appreciate it if you came with me so I don’t feel like I’m dealing with this alone. I know that you being there doesn’t change the outcome but it really makes me feel a lot better.” See what he says. Sometimes you have to be REALLY blunt before they get it.
Post # 5
@girltuesday: I’m so sorry you’re going through that! I hope that you’re OK!
I’d definitely just spell it out a little more for him….say “look honey, you’re my husband, I love you, and you make me feel better when I’m scared. I’m really scared right now, and I need you to help me get through this appointment. Please come with me to the doctor.”
Post # 6
I would be really upset in this instance to. im okay with normal doctors/specialists without FI (he always offers), but if something was bad enough for me to go to emergency you can bet i’d want him with me.
Like pps have said. Try being very clear and direct with him. is he maybe afraid of doctors or something?
Post # 7
I think his reaction reflects how HE would feel in the situation and I don’t think he’s trying to be non-supportive. Honestly, I would feel the same way! I have no interest in going to the doctor with anyone else.
Just let him know why it matters to you and I’m sure he’ll understand.
Post # 8
@girltuesday: I think he thinks he’s kind of redundant. You’re an adult, not a child, so you don’t need him to take you to the doctor. And perhaps he thinks your presence might affect how you’d talk to the doctor?
Apart from pregnancy related visits, and times one of us can’t drive, we’ve never accompanied each other to the doctor in many years of marriage.
I don’t think he’s doing anything wrong. But just make it clearer that you’d like him there for support.
Post # 9
@girltuesday: He might be a jerk or he might be afraid. Men (men and women really, but I see it a lot more in men) can be funny about doctors and hospitals. My FI had never in his life set foot in a hospital because his grandpa went to the hospital and died. Even when his cousin was in the hospital for 5 days, very ill he would not go see him. The very idea freaks him out. Then last year he got burned on his face and neck (some idiot at work put a tray in the overhead microwave with grease in it. Along comes FI not knowing this pan of scalding hot grease is what he’s going to pull out of there.) Anyway, he had to go to the ER, I went with him. He asked be a billion questions about what was going to happen in the ER. He was very nervous. Even just going to the doctor makes him nervous. Maybe your husband just gets the ebbie-jeebies about doctors. Just explain to him how important it is to you that he’s there for support and how it will make you feel better. Maybe he just doesn’t get it.
Post # 10
@girltuesday: I take a different perspective on this. He’s being a jerk and for me it would be a deal breaker. I would Have to reconsider the relationship.
Post # 11
@girltuesday: You could try asking him as other PPs have suggested.
SO will come to the drs with me if my depression is really bad, or I can’t walk because I’m dizzy/light-headed/vertigo or my knee is so swollen I need help hobbling along. I’d go with him if he wanted me to.
Post # 12
@girltuesday: He will go if I ask him to, so I think you need to just say, “Honey, I am really scared, and I want you to be there with me for support. Please come with me.”
Post # 13
This makes me really sad 🙁 My DH would go with me for support. I think it’s sad that you are asking him for support and comfort and he’s not willing to give it to you. *hugs*
Post # 14
If I ask him, DH will go with me. The only time I’ve asked him is for doctors appointments for our children.
It sounds to me like he just doesn’t understand his role in being there. You have to be clearer to him like PPs have said.
Post # 15
Fi won’t accompany me to routine doctor appointments, but when I was going through something scary a couple of years ago he was right by my side holding my hand…
OP I think you should just ask SO to be there for you.
Post # 16
FI will accompany me to any doctors appointment I ask as he knows I get very nervous. However, he rarely will go to the grocery store with me so you win some you lose some!
However, I do think its odd that something which may or may not be serious is going on and he seems to care less. I am really sorry you’re going through this.