I caught dh watching porn…

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
441 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

It sounds like he is being financially, emotionally abusive and controlling. The fact that hes made you quit your job and therefore make it hard for you to leave is a huge red flag. 

Post # 4
Member
1750 posts
Buzzing bee

Yes, therapy would be pointless.

This man has issues. He is abusive. 

Staying in a relationship with this man is not advisable. 

Post # 5
Member
465 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

well if he has changed the rules, so can you… go out and by yourself a vibrator, porn and watch and use it all at the same time!Dont hide what your doing, make sure he catches you… or make him watch what your doing and join in from the start. Porn can be healthy in a marraige if it is used openly and honestly. Sounds like he needs to not only be honest with you, but also with himself.

Also he may also have a bit of the good ole ‘madonna/whore syndrome’ going on.

Post # 7
Member
1750 posts
Buzzing bee

@bobhdz111:  Don’t stick it out. 

He has given you reason after reason to not be in a relationship with him. Heed all of these warnings that you have been given and hightail it out of this relationship. 

He’s not good for you. Your confusion and tears are proof of the fact that he’s not good for you.

He’s not a suitable boyfriend or husband. 

Frankly, he’s dangerous. 

Post # 8
Member
1400 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@bobhdz111:  I’m so sorry he’s treating you this way. In so many ways, it’s NOT okay. Honesty and even standards are key in a relationship, and he’s not giving you either of those.

But if he was wonderful once, I think it’s fair to at least try therapy, perhaps both with him and on your own. And if you don’t like the first therapist you can keep looking. There’s nothing inherently wrong with wanting to give gifts as a way to express love, and maybe he can learn the error of his ways.

Whatever you choose, good luck, I hope you find happiness ♥

Post # 10
Member
193 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@bobhdz111:  Could you move back in with your parents for a little while?  I know it’s not the best case scenario, but I don’t think you should live with this man any longer than you have to.  He seems very mean and controlling.  Any friends that might let you stay with them until you are back on your feet?

Post # 11
Member
6884 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - A castle!

@bobhdz111:  I’m so sorry to hear about your husband. He sounds absolutely terrible. Don’t go to your parents, RUN to you parents. Seriously get out of there ASAP. This is 1 year, can you imagine 5, 10, 20, a lifetime more of this???

Post # 12
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2015

I caught FI about to watch porn a couple months ago.  He didn’t know I was back from shopping and he was scrolling through the videos on the big screen.

I never thought it would hurt me as bad as it did… I’m quite pregnant and not feeling my sexiest so I felt like he was cheating with porn girls.  To this day I still get that sinking feeling when I think about it… I think things changed when I had a little girl, I was disgusted that he could watch someone’s daughter do that to herself.

Luckily he’s not terribly sex-driven and told me he honestly only did it maybe every couple months or so and if it truly bothered me he wouldn’t watch anymore.  So far I believe he has been faithful to that.

Your situation sounds much different though.. I agree that this is not a relationship you should persue.

Post # 13
Member
627 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

The porn is one thing. The jealousy of a vibrator and nudity on TV is QUITE another. This guy doesn’t give you the respect you deserve. Instead, he tries to pen you in by telling you who you can and can’t talk to and what you can and can’t look at.

Meanwhile, he tries to get away with breaking his own rules. This guy isn’t trying to be in a loving, respectful relationship, he’s trying to get away with what he can; and everytime you don’t dump him, he thinks he got away with it.

I know it will be hard, but take the dogs and move into your own place, with a friend, or with your parents. You’ll rise a lot higher without him as dead weight around your neck, anyhow. You deserve a man who isn’t irrationally jealous and sneaky.

Post # 14
Member
2364 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Listen to me, b/c I HAVE BEEN THERE, I just wasn’t married to him thank God…

Once a liar, always a liar.

Whether it’s porn, drinking, drugs, gambling, over eating, ANYTHING he is doing that he’s lying to you about HE IS MAKING MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOU.   On that note, I have no doubt he’s also cheated on you.

If that wasn’t enough, he sounds manipulative, abusive and dangerous.  If he is not driving you to BETTER YOURSELF instead of making you quit your job to stay home, there is no amount of therapy in the WORLD to fix that!

Get out and get out now.  If you’re afraid, get a restraining order.  This has bad news written all over it, I’m sorry to say. 

Post # 15
Member
453 posts
Helper bee

This sucks that you have to deal with all his drama. But here’s the most telling sentence from your post:

 he’ll lie to get out of anything.”

Trust is #1. Without trust, what do you have?

I have no advice…just my sincerest warm thoughts and good vibes.

Post # 16
Member
2913 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

At this point you are inviting thise behavior, because you have put up with it this long without leaving him. Be smart, and call it quits. His double standard is terrible, and he is a liar.

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