Post # 1
So when I first started planning my wedding, I was doing a no kids under 12 rule all across the board. I did not want FG because I personally have never seen anything cute about them (promise I am not a cold person :-D). I just prefer dealing with adults.
Well, my mother blew her top when she found out. We got into many arguments over this, a few that left me in tears. At the advice of my recently married cousin, I decided to compromise. I will allow four of my younger cousins, whom I love, to be FG BUT they are not allowed at the adult reception that will last until 11pm.
So, bees…I folded. I feel defeated but I know it will make my mom happy and my cousins. However I am worried this will open the flood gate of parents trying to bring their kids who are not part of the wedding party to the ceremony.
I also feel bad asking them to pay $200 for dresses, shoes, jewelry and hair for them to drop their kids off at the babysitter after the wedding.
Any kind words or advice appreciated.
Post # 3
We are having a no kids under 16 rule (at the receptions) I dont mind them at the ceremony. (its kind of impossible, my FI is one of 13 kids and 76 grandchildren!) We are having 2 flower girls, my FI’s youngest sister (she is 6) and his Brothers daughter (she is 3) Luckily they both have dresses because my FSIL got married in august and she had them in her wedding as well. I would ask around for stuff like shoes and dresses, you never know what people have laying around and i would stick to your guns about no kids besides those in the wedding party.
Post # 4
Could you help offset the cost of the dresses or the babysitter?I think it’s pretty sucky to say “hey buy all this stuff and come participate in the ceremony, but you can’t come have dinner with us)
We had a no-kids rule, also, except for the child in the wedding. He was our nephew and his grandma came to babysit him at the wedding that night (since the other grandma was the groom’s mom! My SIL just brought her MIL along). It worked out beautifully–kid was whisked away early enough for his bed time and he had a constant sitter all night in case he got fussy so that his mom (DH’s sister, who was in the wedding), was able to enjoy herself. My nephew was at home and in bed by 9pm.
who are the youngest cousin’s parents? Chances are they will not attend the reception if they don’t get a sitter…
Post # 5
The flower girls are 10, 10,9, 5, and 5. I am going to talk to their parents and stress to them about the costs and the no other kids rule. I am quietly hoping they decline (innocent face).
We are providing a babysitter at the hotel for FI’s cousins with children who will be traveling from 12 hours away. We will also provide movies, games, and money for pizza and cookies.
All the FG except one live locally. I was going to allow the OOT niece and nephew of the FI to stay for the reception as they are in the party and they do not see their uncle all the time due to his military career.
I personally see nothing but problem. One of the FG’s mom is pregnant..again… and will have a newborn at the wedding time and I do not want children that young around. The others I really did not want at the reception because they are local and because I wanted this to be an adult evening. The other FG and RB were only invited because they are from 12 hours away and their dad is BM and its their dad’s only brother, and hense their favorite, uncle getting married. I know it will be unfair to let them stay, but make the others go home, but frankly I do not want children underfoot because I know my family. With a cash bar around, they will not watch their kids.
I am really regretting this decision. It all started beccause BM did not want to leave his younger son in Tenneessee while the rest came to VA to be married. The bridezilla in me was angry but the compassionate side agreed to compromise and get a babysitter for OOT children. Then I was thinking maybe it’s ok to have children at the ceremony but not babies under the age of 3. Then it progressed to allowing FG because frankly I need my mom’s support for financial and personal reasons. We’ve always had an emotiuonally rockty relationship but love each other fiercely.
Ok. I’m done. Sorry it’s so long :-/
Post # 6
My flower girls dress only cost $40 even with shipping, so if you are at all flexible on what they wear, just look around a bit. Places online like Ebay, http://www.myangelickids.com, Target, etc can have some gorgeous dresses for very very inexpensive. I wouldn’t worry about the cost too much. If they are worried about how much the dresses cost for their daughters then they can always say no to her being a flower girl!
Make sure you explain how it’s going to be very carefully to them though, so that they understand that the girls are invited ONLY for the ceremony!
Post # 7
Why is it so bad for kids to be at a wedding? I understand a reception might run too late so a sitter would be great for that time frame but in general why do brides object to kids?
Post # 8
Because FI and I will have spent 13 months planning a 30 minute ceremony that needs to be as close to perfection as possible to avoid unsavory social gossip and because childen are unpredictable and some parents think that others do not mind their child making noise and will not shush them up.
I have been to 2 weddings that had young kids and both times baby babbled and cried during ceremony and mommy dearest just sat there like a idiot. I could not hear my own friend take her vows.
I KNOW my family. They do not watch their kids are family cookouts and will not do it here either.
Post # 9
so its not kids you object to but bad parents;)
Post # 10
Oh no it’s both 😀
I want the adults to have a fun music and alcoholic drink filled evening without worrying about my lil cousins swinging from the ceilings.