Post # 1
I have started to write this post a hundred times. It has been two months since “the incident” occurred and I am finally feeling courageous enough to write about what my DH and I have gone through. I am posting under another name because I am afraid of friends seeing and I really don’t want them to know.
I cheated on my husband. I was feeling overwhelmed, under appreciated and just downright depressed. It seemed like we were always arguing over money or space or some little thing. I needed to get away so I went to visit an out of town friend. Long story short – we went to a bar, I got drunk, ended up back at her house and slept with one of her friends.
I cannot tell you how horrible I felt the next morning. I was literally sick to my stomach. I cried and cried over what I did. I went home after the weekend thinking I would not tell him. What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him, right?
Well, I could not forget about what happened. It consumed my thoughts and our relationship was suffering even more than before. One night I woke up crying and I finally had to come clean. I told him what I had done. He was angry. I ended up sleeping on the couch that night. The next night after work we were able to sit down and have a really good heart to heart talk. I talked about how I didn’t feel appreciated and he talked about how much I hurt him. We were able to talk things out. He told me that he still loves me and that we will work this out.
We are working our way through this. We are seeing a counselor and things have been much better between us. We still love each other. Yes, it has been hard. But we are fighting through it and trying to rebuild the trust in our relationship.
I just want to get my story out there and let people know that not all relationships are going to end because one partner was unfaithful.
Has anyone else cheated on their partner or known someone that has cheated? Did the relationship survive or end?
Post # 3
Wow, this is brave of you to post! I never “cheated,” but I got awfully close! I told FI and it’s been hard to earn his respect and trust back, but it has come back gradually. As long as both parties are honest, you can and will work this out! *HUGS*
Post # 4
You are very lucky that he is trying to rebuild a relationship with you.
I have been cheated on, and the relationship could not be rebuilt. I could never trust that person again.
If my FI cheated on me, I would be out the door. And if I cheated on him, I would expect him to leave or kick me out.
I am glad that you and your FI are trying to work things out. I hope it works out for you.
Post # 5
My husband cheated on me. It was hard but we’re going to make it. I’ve been meaning to write a similar post of “infidelity doesn’t end all relationships, there are survivors” but was afraid of getting “why are you staying with him, get the hell out” reactions.
That’s awesome that you came clean and you two are going to work your way through it. Good luck!
Post # 6
Thanks for sharing! I’m not sure the “once a cheater…” is really a good rule. I hope you can work it out. I’ve heard so many stories of marriages coming back from rock bottom and being better than ever. Good luck!
Post # 7
Thanks ladies! I have seen so many posts of women who FI or DH has cheated on them, but never about anyone who has done the cheating.
@noritake22: I thought he would be out the door too. I didn’t expect the reaction I got. He was angry with me but he was also angry with himself for not seeing that I was so depressed.
@catilanc: I hope you guys are able to work through it! Good luck!
Post # 8
I wish you luck! I could never forgive him and my husband was cheated on by his last wife so I know he would leave. I just make sure to stay away from any form of negative temptation… I know it must be hard on you and him… I hope you guys end up being better than you ever have now that it is all out!
Post # 9
My FI cheated about 2 years before we were engaged. He cheated TWICE. i tried to forgive but could not. so we parted our ways and ended up right back at each other a year later (Im now a firm believer of “If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, its yours forever. If it doesn’t, then it was never meant to be.”) We grew up alot during that time apart and are happier than ever. BUT if he ever cheated while we were married.. I would leave him in a heartbeat. The fact that he has cheated before, gave me his word he would never do it again, and still cheated again plays a big part. If he cheated while we were married whose to say he wouldnt do it again since he swore to never cheat before that? Now on the other hand, If FI had never cheated while we were dating, then cheated while we were married I would give him another chance and try my hardest to work it out. Make sense? So yes, we have survived cheating! it will take a LONG time to get that 100 % trust back but i have faith that ya’ll can get through it. I think ya’ll are on the right path to recovering and am glad things are looking up !
Post # 10
@feelinglost: I think it’s really brave of you to post this, but also admirable that you had the courage to tell your DH what you had done.
I cheated on my FH – with an ex – a few months into our relationship. Even though FH was out of the country at the time, I told him as soon as I could because I felt so terrible about it. He didn’t talk to me for the rest of his trip really, but when he got back he told me that he understood why it had happened and that he forgave me. It was a long and difficult process for both of us to move past it, but he now trusts me fully again which I am so grateful for.
I have heard a lot of people who have been cheated on say that it’s hardly ever the physical infidelity that hurts the most, it’s the lying and secrecy that normally goes along with it. I think if people fess up right after the first indecency occurs, it is a lot less likely that they’ll do it again, and also a lot more likely that they will be able to keep their relationship.
I hope things with you and your DH continue to get better, and that you are able to help him continue to rebuild his trust in you. Good luck!
Post # 11
Congratulations to a couple willing to fight for their marriage. It takes a lot, especially for men to deal w/ infidelity. I commend the two of you willing to work thru the hard times. No one said that all days would be happy days! I have been the cheater and I know how it feels to be unappreciated and wanting something from the person you love and not receiving it. I know the hurt that I caused and would not wish that on anyone. I am blessed that my fiancé and I have made it thru all that we have. It’s going to be a long journey for him to trust you and for you to gain his trust. Counseling is the best thing, along w/ prayer. I will pray for you both.
Post # 12
One of the most touching things during our pre-cana was we had to fill out a questionare that was supposed to start conversation. One of the questions was would you seek divorce if your partner cheated on you? I put maybe and my husband put no. I was really surprised at his answer, especially since I wasn’t sure if I could work through it if he did that to me and told him as much. But he just said I wouldn’t have asked you to marry me if I didn’t to do the work to get through the good and bad.
Good luck making repairs to your marriage.
Post # 13
I’ve been cheated on. It’s awful. I too was one of those people who always said “if it ever happened it would be over: no ifs ands or buts” however it happens to you and its a whole other story. Honestly, it changed our relationship for the better. I could say I wish it never happened and for the most part that is true but I honestly learned ALOT from the situation.
It was a one shot deal, a drunken night that I never would have found out about if he hadnt told me. However the situation brought us to a new level of the relationship, gave us both alot to think about and I think made us both realize what we had with one another while at the same time showing us that we each had the right to have what we wanted/needed in a relationship.
Lots of relationships end due to infidelity but there’s always context to consider in every story right?
Post # 14
- Wedding: September 2010 - MacLean Park
Wow, honey, this is hard. I am proud of you for coming clean, and for putting this up in the boards. Just know, you’re not alone. I myself have never had to deal with physical cheating, but I’ve had my share of runins with SO’s emotionally cheating. I have a very sweet, Christian coworker who cheated on her husband early in her marriage. She feels absolutely horrible, and yet through counseling, God, and a lot of love, they’ve come through it. They have three boys, and two grandchildren. They have one of the strongest marriages I know. Don’t let the judgers get you down, only you and your husband know the ins and outs of your marriage. This is your battle. Now go and fight it!
Post # 15
This book was a really interesting read for us. I would highly recommend.
Post # 16
Thank you for posting this. I admire your strenght to tell your husband and then to commit to fixing your relationship. No one said marriage would be an easy ride and we all make mistakes, its what we do after that counts. Good luck girl.