- 5 years ago
- Wedding: July 2013
So bees… I was considering posting this anonymously, but I’m over it. I just need some serious support now.
im not posting this to recieve comments about how bad of a person I am, or the ‘your relationship is over. End it now’ comments that I see so much of on here. But here it goes…
So FI and I began dating in August of 2010. He told me he wanted to marry me in August of 2011. I was working in a banquet kitchen at the time, and my coworkers and I were pretty close. One in particular was very flirty with me. He joked and made feel good and laugh. I made sure to not cross the line emotionally on my part because of my committed relationship.
After lots of job hunting, I landed a new job. My coworkers threw a going away BBQ for me at one of their friend’s houses nearby. We would be drinking, so (stupid of me) I didn’t tell FI because he wouldn’t want me going if there was drinking. We were all having a good time, playing basketball, and eating/drinking.
I had gone upstairs to use the restroom in the house. When I came out, the flirty coworker was there (drunk, and I by that time was drunk too). He kissed me, and pulled me to the next room. He was a little aggressive in his actions, so I was scared to tell him no, plus me being drunk, I didn’t resist too much. (This coworker is a BIG guy and has a short temper which I was afraid to deny him). We started having sex.. But shortly into it, I told him to stop. I was thinking about FI, and I felt like I was going to be sick. I went downstairs and tried just hanging out with my other friends, but I felt horrible. I left because I couldn’t stand it. I cut off all ties with the flirty coworker after that day.
the next day, I was a mess, and needed to tell FI what happened, but I was terrified. I told him that he had kissed me, and that was it. It hit FI pretty hard… But he forgave me. after contemplating, I decided I would keep the rest to myself.
About a month later, FI proposed. I was so excited! I felt so in love and just amazing. But still, my secret was burning me from the inside..
I managed to push it away for a long time, with it still occurring in my mind randomly (and hurting bad).
the wedding is 4 months away now.. After reading some threads on here, I started to feel absolutely horrible. I decided I need to come forward and be honest with FI (even though this happened over a year ago). It took me about 3 days of reading threads, and talking myself into it. I couldn’t sleep or eat (I had to force myself to eat yesterday) from feeling so stressed..
I built up the courage, and I told him everything last night… I was sobbing and just told it all, and answered all of his questions. I probably cried for almost 3 hours, then this morning, and off and an all day today. I have TRUE remorse, and I KNOW I never want to do anything like that again. FI reacted calmly, but he is super distraught. He is giving me a chance to prove to him everything I said to him, but he said he cannot ever look at me the same. I am willing to do ANYTHING to save this. No one can truly understand how horrible I feel for this, and I wish there was a way to show him.
when he left for work today, he didn’t tell me he loved me (which I understand), and he refused my offer to go to counseling. I know he said he’s giving me another chance, but I am horrified that he may just end up giving up. I feel so bad for hurting him, and its impossible to showhim how bad this is tearing me apart.
I haven’t eaten since yesterday, and I feel sick to my stomach. Sleeping has been horrible too.
I know I did the worst thing possible.. But it’s done now. I confessed because I couldn’t live with myself knowing that I was betraying my husband with something so important..
Im looking for pointers on how to cope with this.. Input from bees who have/haven’t been cheated on or cheated themselves, I need to hear it all. How did you move on? Did you forgive? How long did it take? Most of all, I want to know what I personally can do to ease things for him. I truly want to help him with this.