Post # 1
So I am so stressed, my FMIL and her wedding attire is making me so flustered. My FMIL has a great figure and is very pretty, she is young (48) which is much younger than my mom who is 63, not saying that my mom doesn’t have a great figure or is not pretty because she is your typical beautiful southern bell. My FMIL keeps giving me hints of styles of dresses that she wants to wear to the wedding. She is very hip and likes wearing sexy but classy clothes and all designer ones too. She was with me today looking at bridesmaids dresses and she had me try on one that she liked a lot but I wasn’t really in to it, we have different taste.
She then said I wonder if they have that dress in a short version? i told her that I don’t think it looks very "fall like" it is strapless and quite a bit above the knee dress. I am so frustrated because I really don’t want her wearing some short dress because it is fall and I think it is rude and not classy enough. when I say short I mean mid thigh. It is not that I am worried that she will steal all the attention because she is "hot" believe me that is not it but I just think it is very disrespectful towards me. I hinted that I didn’t want her to wear a short dress but she hasn’t picked up on the hints. She doesn’t care what I would like her to wear, I don’t won’t her to wear a frumpy dress just something that doesn’t look like a 16 year old would wear to a prom.
Since my mom is much older she will definetly be wearing something flattering but classy.
I don’t know how to make her realize that I don’t want her in a short short dress.
Post # 3
Generally, etiquette states the FMIL should look to the MOB to see what style of dress to wear. Perhaps you could shoe her what your mother is wearing and say, "Since you’ll want to wear something similar to my mother, here is what she’s wearing."
If that doesn’t get the point across, I’m a big fan of having your FI talk to his mom. It can work wonders. He can say things more bluntly than you can without coming across the wrong way. Just have him tell her that according to proper etiquette, she is supposed to wear something similar in style and formality to the MOB and in this case that means a long dress, and he would hate to see her embarrassed.
Post # 4
Well, you could just tell her that you want her to wear a long dress. I know being blunt is hard (especially for a southern girl), but if this is making you so upset, you really should try to be honest with her.
When my mom was picking out her dress I was a little nervous, too. I was afraid she was going to show too much on top, but she could tell that I didn’t think that was appropriate for my very modest wedding.
Post # 5
Maybe you could send her some pictures of dresses that would be more appropriate under the guise of ‘Just saw this and know you are looking for a dress…thought this would look so amazing on you, just had to show it to you!’ Perhaps if she sees a theme she’ll get the hint.
Post # 6
I knew that the MOG should defer to MOB on dress color. I didn’t know about style… (I have to say, based on the taste some MOBs have, I don’t know if I could follow that, if I was a MOG.) But anyway. I also think having your FI tell his mom he would like her to be more appropriately dressed, is called for.
If you can’t budge her, perhaps you can try to let it go. It’s not worth starting a battle between the two of you that lasts a lifetime. If she makes a fool of herself it will reflect poorly on her, not you.
Post # 7
See if you can get your FI to ask his mom about what she is wearing and have him comment, from his own perspective, that HE feels a short dress is inappropriate
that being said, a 48 year old woman and a 63 year old woman are nto going to wear the same style at all so you’re kinda stuck, hoenstly. but if she’s going to dress kinda inappropriately (and by inappropriately i mean skanky!) then it doesn’t reflect poorly on you AT ALL but on her.
My mom is 55 and has a rocking bod and passes for a woman in her late 30’s, and there were some dresses i told her NO WAY and flat out told her they looked like prom dresses. Sometimes you gotta be up front!
Post # 8
Honestly, don’t worry about it. If she wants to wear something that is out of the norm for your wedding, SHE will be the one that looks out of place. When my mother-in-law told me that she would be wearing a RED dress to our pink/neutral wedding, I told her, "I just want you to wear something that you’ll feel beautiful in on our big day." It totally took the attention off of her and back onto us… and she is now wearing a much more appropriately colored pink dress. ha ha
Post # 9
This reminds me of an episode of Whos Wedding is it Anyway? I think at least… the FMIL wanted to wear some sexy glamorous red gown while everyone else was like b&w or muted… IDR exactly, but you get the idea… SHE would be the one to stand out. Unfortunately, the situation didn’t go well, but best of luck to you!
Take both your mom and the FMIL… maybe even the FI and go dress shopping as a group. So, if she doesn’t get the idea someone else… other than you… could step in and lay it out for her.
Post # 10
thanks girls. I know my mom 63 and his mom 48 will not be wearing the same style of dresses, not that a 63 year old can’t wear a fitted short dress, my mom has a great body but short dresses just aren’t her style. I am going to email her now some dresses that I like and the colors that I would like them to stay in. Never thought i would lhave to be worrying about what a FMIL should be wearing.
Post # 11
I had that same problem. It finally got to the point where FI had to tell her that it was inappropriate. She was offended, but then again she gets offended about everything… oh well. She was trying to wear a bright pink vegas hooker dress!
Post # 12
Sometimes people don’t catch hints when they’re wrapped up in their own ideas. We brides do it all the time, LOL. With her, I think you’ll just have to be straight up. And by that I mean have your FH tell her that she ought to wear a long dress because you both want her to have a similar style to the MOB. You can’t be upset when someone misses hints, but you have every right to be upset if she ignores a specific request from her son and FDIL!
Post # 13
So I go a call from my FMIL and she wants me to come look at her dress, and guess what not only was it $2,000 which is fine but it is champagne, WOW which just so happens to be the color of my dress. This is going to be a fun 5 months ahead of me!