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So this is just a vent...
We have not invited children 12 and younger to our wedding. Personal preference and we have been consistent about this for the 16 months that we have been engaged.
Our RSVP cards said "__ seats have been reserved in your honor" so that things were very clear to people.
We got a RSVP card back from FI's cousin. This invite only invited him and his wife, not their two children who are 3 and 5. They returned the RSVP card declining attendance at our wedding. They also included a very wordy note. The note basically said that their children were their "indebted blessings" who they could not be away from for even a night. They also let us know at the end of the not that when we have children we will "understand the true meaning of life."
WTH?!
FI thought it was hilarious, but I couldn't help but feel a bit offended. They could have just declined and left it at that! No crazy note necessary!
I am not really looking forward to another week of receiving RSVPs in the mail! 
Really? Not one night alone ever? They never go on a date, or to the movies or to dinner without their toddlers?
Wow.
Your FI is right...that is HILARIOUS! ROFL!! Besides...better have them decline than show up with their "indebted blessings" in tow.
I can't stand when parents say stuff like "wait until you have kids." Ugh. How patronizing.
I can only pray that when I have children I NEVER refer to them as "indebted blessings." What does that even mean? How rude!
Are you getting a babysitter? We felt obligated because everyone is out of town. Just curious...
Their loss, and to be honest...I'm kinda hoping that some of my relatives will feel like they need to stay home because they can't be without their kids either...lol...mean, I know!!
i have a kid and requested that people not bring theirs.. i'll deal with mine at my wedding, he is very well behaved, but i cartainly don't want to deal with yours.. personal preference though
Wow. That's priceless! I'm going to side with your fiance - that's absolutely hilarious.
It's the kind of thing that is so gratuitously rude and offensive that you just have to laugh it off. How absurd. Just don't plan on having much of a relationship with them in the future, they clearly want to burn the bridge!
I was upset at first, but now I do think it is funny! I was at first upset and then we were driving to dinner with FI and said what does "indebted blessings" even mean?! We looked at each other and just started cracking up!
We do plan to have kids so some day we will finally see the light and understand the true meaning of life! haha
@fitzly: We are not hiring a babysitter to be at our venue. My view is that it is not our responsibility to provide a babysitter for people's children. Personal view really. Now if someone asked me about a babysitter, I could refer them to a house full of ice sorority sisters who I know since I was in a sorority in college. I am not footing that bill though!
We left our children to attend weddings and enjoy the weddings and the time away. How sad that these parents are so wrapped up in their children that they are keeping them from forming substantive relationships with others. Children should have family friends that they can trust, spend time with and learn from.
Best wishes on your upcoming wedding. You deserve the wedding of your dreams.
Oh goodness! Just make note of these crazy things that you will not do in the future! Jeesh! My "blessings" will certainly stay with babysitters.
That is crazy. I would've been upset too, andI probably would've wanted to tell them off. That couple would have given me a good laugh (after I cooled off) and burned a bride with us.
Oh, unsolicited advice. If only people knew what ASSES they sound like when they give it. LMFAO.
You should save that RSVP for a good laugh on your anniversary.
omg some people are CRAZY... my FI wasn't goingto invite some of his cousins because they each have like 3-4 kids.. so when he said he was only able to invite them if they dont bring their kids they got butthurt.. like whatever this isn't a carnival or kids birthday party lol
@JamaicaBride: LOL nice one :)
@OP - personally if they are gonna act like that be happy they arent coming. really people?!?!?! SERIOUSLY??? ugh.
OMG. Crazy people. My son is a blessing but there are certainly nights we need to go out alone!
We actually decided to invite kids at the last minute and nobody wants to bring theirs! Haha.
Indebted blessings. Yes, children do usually leave you in debt...
Seriously though, FI has a cousin who's only one small step away from your crazies. They won't leave their kids (5 and 8) with anyone other than the godmother (FI's stepmother) or godmother's niece, both of whom are attending our wedding. Apparently said cousins are flipping out about what they're going to do about babysitting and sent FI's dad and stepmother on a covert mission to get us to allow them to bring their kids to the wedding. Clearly I said no and it's too bad they'll miss the wedding, otherwise they'll have to suck it up and find a babysitter, end of story. FI's son isn't even attending our reception (although he is the ring bearer for the ceremony), why in the world would we have your kids?! FI's stepmother played along like "oh I know, I don't know what's wrong with them" but when I told FI afterwards we figured out the game plan. What the heck is wrong with people?!
@bakerella: LMAO!!! i can see them now "ABORT ABORT...." lol really they thought that would work?
That is too funny! It is probably their lack of sleep talking. They should reconsider that one night thing....to get some sleep!
Wow - I am excited to have a night away from my son at my husbands cousins wedding this august. Actually we are having the opposite problem - his family wants us to bring our son (the wedding isnt until 6:00pm and he goes to sleep by 8:00pm). I would either have to leave the wedding or get my parents to pick him up (MIL suggested my parents come pick him up). I said "um no, he is just going to spend the night with my parents and we are going to enjoy a night out). Its an evening wedding - I dont want to be runing after a two year old who doesnt care about weddings lol. p.s I do love my son - but my husband and I are looking forward to enjoying the wedding - not chasing around our son.
oops, I think I just went on a rant lol. My MIL just keeps dropping little comments daily about him coming to the wedding.....oh dear..
That's crazy! Hahaha! They should have really just declined if they felt so strongly about it. Obviously they were trying to prove a point by leaving a note, but in the process they have just made themselves look so ridiculous! What on earth would a 3 and 5 year old do at a reception anyways?
there response was patronising and strange but i don't think they're crazy or bad parents for not wanting to leave their children. it's their choice. lol at indebted blessings though
If this wedding taught me anything.. it's that I am having a list of babysitters as long as my arm...
I was told by several people that if they couldn't bring their children, they couldn't come. 4 cousins and 1 friend said this to me... in the end, the kids were fine. We just asked that any that might be disruptive not be at the ceremony, and it worked out okay.
But I understand your stress. Our original plan was child free, and we passed the word over a year in advance. I couldn't believe that so many people were unable to give their children to someone for an evening..
@spaganya: That whole night was a gong show, that was just one of the hilights. I'm okay if those cousins don't come, I really don't like them. The mom tends to get really drunk when she has a night out from the kids and then say inappropriate things to me. You can imagine how much I love it. *sigh* The things we do for the people we love huh?! LOL!
I agree with what other Bees have said, our friends with kids are DYING to get a night to themselves. Most of our friends booked babysitters when they found out our date last year!!! They're so excited for a night out alone!
Personally I think the cousins have pretty good values and morals to not only decide they don't want to attend an event that purposely discludes children, but also have enough conviction to say something about it. Morals and values aren't worth having if you don't defend them when needed.
I won't attend adult only weddings (well, there was one time, but it was a special situation) and I don't even have kids. When the couple calls and asks why I am not attending I will flat out tell them I consider weddings to be family events, so discluding children to me, personally, is weird and sad.
I understand why people have adult only weddings, but I can't change the way I feel about it. I would much rather send a gift and a "No" response then cave in on my values. Luckily I surround myself with people who share my values so it has only come up a handful of times and I wasn't particularly close to any of those couples.
I'm not saying your wedding is bad for discluding children. All I am saying is I respect the cousins in your situation for standing up for their decision.
They're crazy. Although at least they RSVP'd no instead of RSVP'ing yes and just demanding to bring the kids!!!
I 100% disagree with the whole "weddings are family affairs" stuff. My mom tried to tell me that too--- ugh. Weddings were family events (maybe) back in the day where everyone got married at the church then had a cake and punch reception in the fellowship hall. Weddings have CHANGED.
If you're getting married at night, having a late night PARTY where people will be dressed up and drinking and playing loud music... that is a totally inappropriate environment for children. Why on earth would you WANT to bring your children?
The very first decision that FI and I made when we got engaged was NO KIDS. Unfortunately we've had to back off of this because someone we actually really care about attending would prob not come as it turns out if we did it and having him there was more important to us than not having kids... but I'm still annoyed at the situation. I plan to leave the invites ambiguous as to kids and hope that most people have enough sense to get a babysitter!
@serasvictoria: I respect FI's cousin's view on this issue and understand why don't want to bring their kids. I think a simple no would have been fine. I don't need the lecture.
The reason that we are not inviting small children is not because we have poor values or hate families at weddings. The facts are that our wedding is an evening wedding that starts at 6pm in a room that holds 150. The decision was primarily made because of space constraints.
I respect parents and children. I don't have kids, but I completely understand why someone would not be able to come because of their kids. My view to invited guests is come or don't come, it's their choice.
Also, it would be really funny if you came to my wedding. You would have unknowingly "caved in on your values" because you would have not known that children were not invited since our invites do not say anything about kids not being invited!
@CorgiTales: I'm with you on this one. If I'm dropping five figures on a party, I don't want your screaming kids (or mine!) there. I don't want food being thrown. I don't want to arrange for kid friendly meals. That may be great for other people but it's not for me. Your wedding is the wedding you want it to be and it's up to the couple to decide what vibe they want to have, whether it's family-friendly or adults only.
@bakerella: exactly. who wants vows ruined by screaming/mishehaving kids or texting preteens (I am actually going to ask my aunt to confiscate the preteens' cell phones bc they are ridic about the texting at inappropriate times). Plus... parents have no fun/are no fun when their kids are around. they have to be feeding them, watching them, taking them to the bathroom, keeping them entertained. That is no way to party!
"Indebted blessings."
K, that is just hilarious. I'm with you, I don't even know what it can possibly mean. I think I know what they think they are saying ... sorta ... ha ha. Make sure you save the crazy note ... it's a classic!
I can see people maybe not wanting to leave a new infant, but kids that age? They've NEVER had a babysitter for a night out alone? Loving your children doesn't mean never leaving them for a second. The best thing you can do for your children is maintain a great and loving relationship with EACH OTHER. Good grief. What on earth are they going to do when their indebted blessings leave home? They won't even know each other anymore, except as the other parental unit.
Some weddings are family-oriented, and others aren't. People are within their rights to have the reception they want, and if they prefer not to have children under 12, that doesn't mean they hate kids or anything. It could be budget, space, or just an inappropriate venue for kids. I didn't initially invite kids because of severe space constraints ... it turned out I had enough RSVP noes that I was able to extend the invitation to include my cousins' kids, because they would have had more trouble finding babysitting as out-of-towners. But my reception was a simple luncheon, not too many speeches and such, and the kids were able to run around outside afterward.
Wow what a rude note. Definitely not their place to basically put you guys down.
I guess it's a good thing they declined. It'd have been more awkward to accept, but bitch and moan about it!
Kudos to you for sticking with NO kids!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I never honestly thought about kids at a wedding until I went to a wedding of my cousin with my sister and her husband and child.
We were all seated at a table together and honestly my sister had NO fun at all. Her daughter who is a sweet kid and about 2 at the time was freakin miserable. It was past her bed time, she didn't like sitting thru the ceremony quietly, it had been a long day with getting ready and lots of pictures, etc. My sister got irritated quickly because her kid was grumpy and needed to go to bed so she and her husband never did dance because they had to take turns holding the kid, they didn't get to spend time with our extended family, and they ended up leaving early. I am not even sure that my sister even ate because by that point her my niece was starting to act out. I can only imagine what that wasted meal cost the bride and groom.
Me and my FI had a fantastic time we danced, and ate, and were able to even go out to the after party. That wedding was one of the best I have ever been to.
My sister has never brought her child to another wedding since (even when her child has been invited).
So in my opinion backyard wedding is fine for a family oriented affair and a more formal affair (and by that I mean the ceremony takes more than 20 minutes and there is dinner served) is not appropriate for kids.
And I also believe that it is NOT the job of the bride to provide a babysitter - nice gesture - but hello she didn't decide to have a herd of children so why should she foot the bill for a babysitter. That is why there are PARENTS who need to do PARENTING.
Wow, that's ridiculous! I'm doing the same thing or with children 18 and younger! Can't wait to see what kind of responses I get!
We had a similar situation happen to but it wasn't on the RSVP card it was through word of mouth. Aunt called Uncle who called my mom who called me who said WTF are you kidding me. I would think that parents would yearn for an opportunity to send the kids to grandmas or whatever and get away for a night or two!!!
@jaylii:I didn't say anything about your values and actually an offended that is what you think. I don't care about other people's values, only my own. Values are personal and nobody has the right to say someone else's values are misplaced because, again, they are different for everybody. My choice is to not attend those types of events because they conflict with my personal values...again MY VALUES. I really don't care about your values and if discluding children from weddings is okay with you then that doesn't bother me slightly.
I don't judge people based on their values or morals because that is a waste of time. Everyone values different things in varying degrees, so it is pointless to try and judge someone based on your own values.
Plus, you can only cave in on your values if you know the situation conflicts, but you make the conscious choice to go ahead and do it anyway. Honestly, if I even noticed there were no children around I would just think people got babysitters. If I found out the wedding was adult only then I would probably just excuse myself early and go home without causing a scene, but it really isn't caving if I didn't know to begin with, so I really only see that as a snide comment and not something to argue over.
I wish you the best with your wedding, but probably won't be commenting on this thread anymore.
@serasvictoria: But you did say something about the OP's values when you posted that the cousins seem to have good morals based on their position and response. If they are right, then the OP must be wrong. Can't have it both ways.
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