- 5 years ago
I feel a bit stupid, but I cringe when I am introduced as a girlfriend, for several reasons. First, I am not a girl. I am over 40. Second, girlfriend feels so casual. It doesn’t feel like the right word for what we have at all. I find the term demeaning. And he knows I don’t like it as a status for our relationship.
So, what is he waiting for?
We’ve been together 2.5 years. We live together, have a house together. Our kids call each other ‘brother’. His family likes me, my family likes him. I love his kids and they love me. My son looks up to him (he is 18, so ‘love’ may be out of the question) and they have a relationship like a close uncle/nephew.
He says I make him happier than he has ever been. He says he has never loved anyone the way that he loves me. He constantly tells me he intends to spend the rest of his life with me, that we will grow old together. He says he knows how much I love him. He says that we are perfectly suited for one another, that he feels more comfortable and communicates better with me than he ever did with his ex. AND oh by the way, I have a perfectly lovely relationship with his ex, she likes me, her family like me too.
And he has said things that lead me to believe that marriage is an option. 8 months ago at an outing with friends I announced we were buying a house together – no, actually I announced that I had big news – and my friend grabbed my hand. I laughed and told him he was confused because he had grabbed the wrong hand and that wasn’t the announcement. And my ‘boyfriend’ leaned over and said to my friend ‘but that isn’t entirely out of the realm of possibility’. There have been other comments.
In our 2.5+ years together we have seen 2 of my friends get married, so from hearing me talk to them and about them he knows my feelings on marriage. Namely that it’s important to me. It means something to me.
He also knows how hard it was for me to give up on my former spouse, that I had to finally realise that my commitment didn’t make up for up for his lack-there-of – he left me several times and I always tried to make it right again. That I wasn’t still in love with him, but I had difficulty breaking the commitment.
So clearly commitment is in my nature. He has my commitment and devotion either way. I pretty sure I have his as well. But no one would know that when I get introduced as ‘girlfriend’. Basically that’s what marriage is, isn’t it? Making the commitment public knowledge.
He loves me more, I make him more happy…yet he married her. He made his commitment to her public. That tells me he isn’t the type to avoid commitment. So what is he waiting for with me? I would have less problem waiting if I understood what the wait was for. What could it be?