Post # 1
As the name implies, I am being annonymous. So yea…
I had this ‘fling’ with one of my first cousins. No one else knows about it but the two of us. This happened probably over 4-5 years ago.
We didn’t sleep together or anything like that. We made out and had half our clothes off and kissing “here n there”.
I feel AWFULLY about it! We clearly have NO feelings for each other. We live miles apart. We were both I guess in confusing times of our lives. But I feel SO AWFUL now. And don’t know how to get over it. I feel so awfully because I just got married a while ago.
OMG! I feel like I did something SUPER HORRIBLE and I can never be a ‘good’ person because of this. And no one will EVER respect me if they were ever to find out. (Of course my DH doesn’t know. Nor does he need to. This happened 2-3 years BEFORE I even met my DH.)
Has anyone been through something like that? FYI, this coz and I do not even talk to each other. We never talked before either. We just kinda sorta met up at a wedding and this happened during one of those wedding festivities. And that was the end of that. I feel just HORRIBLE! Like I am THE MOST horrible woman on earth and I can never go around even TRYING to be good because I cannot obviously erase my past. I feel like I can’t even teach my kids any morals or values in the future because I myself have none. 🙁 Ever feel like that bees? How do you get over regrets?
Post # 3
You will teach your kids what you learned from your mistake. My “thing” is that I slept with a married man. I was single, young and stupid. I regret it with all my heart but I can’t take it back and it taught me a lesson to be a better person from then on and I was 🙂
Post # 4
Hmm…So, you’re NOT horrible. And you’re right, no one needs to know and it doesn’t have any bearing on your life or your relationship with your husband.
I’m pretty sure we’ve all done something that we’ve been embarassed or guilty about later. Two things I’ve done in the past just popped in my head!
Remember that you’ve done a million good things and that you are a good person with a good heart.
Post # 5
So why do you feel so horrible? Because its a first cousin?
In some religions and cultures marrying a first cousin is normal and even expected.
In the US it is odd, but that is a cultural designation. There is actually nothing legally wrong with it in many states (it is illegal in some). That that means is its nothing you need to feel horrible about. People make mistakes and people “explore” their sexuality in different ways. Not to mention you didnt have a close relationshp. In reality he was/is a stranger to you that happens to be related.
Post # 6
You’re NOT horrible! And if you want to keep it a secret, continue to. But if it seems to be eating away at you go talk to a therapist to get some insight so you can leave it in the past 🙂
Post # 7
Actually in most states in the US its legal to marry your cousin. My cousin used to actually have a crush on me. I hope you find some closure to your feelings soon.
Post # 8
@gogogiraffes: haha my cousin did too!
And you are not a horrible person at all. You need to move on and forget about it.
Post # 9
I think we bees need to create a Absolution Thread- confess your deep secret there- and then LET IT GO–
regarding cousins- when my 85 year granny married her first cousin they actually had to sign an affidavit that they did not plan to have children together.
Post # 10
@retreadbride: “I think we bees need to create a Absolution Thread- confess your deep secret there- and then LET IT GO–“
Agreed! I think we definitely need a confessional booth here.
Post # 11
@anonybee13: Who cares? Why not just pretend it was some stranger at a wedding, which it pretty much was and move on. Why guilt yourself like this? In the grand scheme of things it really doesnt matter.
Post # 12
even though I do think the first cousin thing is creepy, I dont equate it to killing a puppy … you are being way to hard on yourself – let.it.go
Post # 13
I think you should just forget about it, get over it! As a PP mentioned, in some countries cousins marrying each other is normal. My grandparents were first cousins. If its so horrible to you, just don’t do it ever again and LET IT GO.
Post # 14
Thanks Bees! I do feel better reading all your responses.
I guess I feel so bad is because it is definitely not acceptable in our culture. And even the states in the US where this is legal, do first cousins actually get married? I doubt that. That’s why I feel like I crossed some ‘moral’ or ‘value’ line and now I will never be accepted back into our society as a result.
Post # 16
We all have skeletons in our closets. The important thing is to learn from your mistakes and embarassing moments and move on. Don’t beat yourself up over it.