Post # 1
We have a really small venue and can’t go over our limit which if everyone came it would be a squeeze. We sent out invites and if those we knew weren’t in a relationship we didnt give them a +1. I feel bad because one of my friends who has replied as coming phoned another friend to rant about how I hadn’t given her a +1. She has on off boyfriends who she meets on hook up sites (I’m not against Internet dating sites it is how me and my FI met) the hook up sites she uses are more for one night stands than for actual dating, so she has new guys all the time so since she isn’t with anyone more than a few weeks at a time and that she knows some people coming to our wedding I didn’t give her a +1.
Obviously she is upset by this because she ranted to another friend, and it made me feel bad I don’t want to upset people and I am wondering how many more people I have upset. I know we can’t invite everyone we don’t have the space but I just feel like I am the mean one. I then thought I should give her a +1 since we have had a couple of people not able to come but then it is going to be an intimate wedding and I am not sure who she would turn up with and if I don’t know this person and she probably wouldn’t know them that well based on her past then I don’t feel I would be comfortable to allow her a +1 just to be nice but she has replied she is coming so do I just leave it or do I explain why it is just her but then she will know our friend told me about her rant. According to etiquette I don’t need to give her a +1 do I?
Post # 3
Nope, you sure don’t. Let her rant, you’ve done nothing wrong.
Post # 4
I’m not sure what proper ettiquette says … But some of our friends are not getting a +1 either… We have a large group of friends that are very close and have been close for a long time. I figure the single people will have more fun partying with said group of close friends than they would bringing a date they have to entertain all night that doesn’t know anyone. We have a way too big guest list as is so we had no choice unfortunately!
Post # 5
@redbootz: Nope…you didn’t do anything wrong!
Post # 6
@redbootz: You are absolutely in the right here! I am dealing with a similar situation myself…I recently posted about a friend who replied with a plus one that she’s apparently been dating on and off, I told her “no, sorry, we don’t have the room” and she was ok with it. Then three weeks later she sends my FI a message saying she’s with a new guy and “it’s getting pretty serious, would I be able to bring him to come meet you guys?” FOR REAL??!! There’s a time and a place to meet new boyfriends, I don’t think a wedding is one of them. The only exception is if it is on my FI’s side of the family.
We ended up telling her we’ll check when the RSVPs come in to see if we have room for him, but we’re hoping they’ve fizzled out by now.
Post # 7
You are worrying about someone who is being incredibly rude and selfish. One word: don’t.
You are definitely NOT the bad guy in this situation. You are not only within your rights to not give her a plus 1, I would tell you it would be a very bad idea to give her a plus 1. Like you mentioned, 1. you aren’t going to know her fling, 2. it’s a fling, 3. your wedding is not a prelude to sex, which is what she’s trying to make it.
I would also consider if this girl is really your friend. Everyone can have their selfish moments, but it this a trend for her? If so, this is the kind of friend you should keep at arms’ length, if at all. She knows other people at the wedding, she’ll be fine. She’s trying to make this all about her.
And also, to the friend who told you about her rant…bad form. Drama is the last thing you need right now. They should have defended you and told this girl to keep her mouth shut and not be to ungrateful, then kept it to themselves.
Post # 8
@redbootz: Stop. You’re fine. You have not been rude or inconsiderate and you need not apologize to her or anyone else so don’t.
Shame on the person who repeated her complaints to you! That person is a pot stirrer and if they come to you with any more gossip then I recommend you shut them down by telling them you don’t want to hear it.