Post # 1
My FI is all bent out of shape because I didnt ask his sister right away to be a BM…I hesitated because she is not that enthusiastic about the wedding and I knew she wouldnt feel comfortable because our personalities are not the same and we dont like the same things, not to mention she isnt girly and is way too vocal and less go with the flow (she would have and has had a lot to say about our decisions for the wedding). But I did ask her because I wanted her in the wedding.
When I did ask her, she felt like I asked out of pity and didnt want to be a BM. Now the FI is all upset and mad at me, because I didnt ask her sooner. In his eyes, if I had asked her sooner she would have said yes, but I dont think so. Please help!
Post # 3
I feel your pain! I can understand (kind of) where your FI is coming from but on the other hand that is HIS sister. If she is willing to miss out on being in HER brother’s wedding because of a communication mishap then it will be her loss. Tell him to talk to her and explain to her that you both want her to be a part of the Wedding Party if she stills says no then tell him to DROP IT!
Post # 4
Honestly, if I were her I might have said no as well since you aren’t really sure you want her in the wedding and she probably got that sense so didn’t want you to include her if you didn’t want to.
I think you have to decide if you want her in your wedding or if it was just a peace offering that you didn’t quite mean.
If you don’t explain to your hubby and he’ll just have to get over it and she will too, you made the offer at least.
If you do still want her in the wedding then I’d be honest with her, say you hesitated because you were worried since you know you guys have different wedding styles but you really want to see this as a joining of families and really do want her to be part of your day and then have your husband talk to her and tell her that it would mean a lot to him.
Post # 5
He’s not being fair but he’s probably disapointed and hurt that the two of you don’t get along better. What about him asking her to be a groomswoman?
Post # 6
@ Arachan-Good Idea
Bottom line she should be included in the wedding in some capacity. Is she his only sister?
Post # 7
Do you honestly want her to be in your wedding? If you really do, ask her again & say you wanted to let her know you truly would like her to be a part of your wedding. You can ask if she’d like to be in charge of the gift table, or a money tree/money jar or something wedding involved. Then she feels like she’s part of the wedding. But ONLY give her a job if you really want her to do it.
Post # 8
I would send her a little card, asking her to be your bridesmaid and explaining that you hadn’t decided on your wedding party yet. You’ve plenty of time so she’s not an after thought. I’m having my FH’s sister in the wedding, and we were very different at the start of the planning process. Now we are quite close and his family accept me better because I have made the gesture.
Peronally I would pour oil on these waters as quickly as I could – after the wedding you’re going to be married into this family, and the way you deal with this will set a pattern – good luck and keep up posted!
Post # 9
I feel your pain. If he wanted her to be in the wedding so bad, why didn’t he ask her to be a groomswoman?
Post # 10
I didn’t include my FI’s sister in the bridal party and it has caused SO many headaches, but our situation is a little different – first, she and I are not close, and I am uncomfortable around her due to how she acts… which I wont get into here…
But he has two sisters, and I have three brothers, and if you ask one sibling, you have to ask them all or it turns into a bigger mess… so we decided no siblings. Now FMIL is involved and letting us know how “sad FSIL is that she’s not involved, she feels like it’s a personal attack” etc.
FSIL doesn’t even show interest in the wedding and actually talks about going to city hall just so she and her boyfriend can be married before us. It’s obnoxious. I overheard her talking before FI proposed saying she was pissed off that he wouldn’t tell her when he was going to pop the question, because she wanted to make her bf propose first. Talk about trying to take the wind out of someone’s sails!?!
I say if you’re unsure, don’t include her, but she could be involved in another capacity. And if your FI is upset, have him ask her to be a groomswoman, or do a sibling dance at the reception.