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Tell them to mind their own damn business. As long as you and your hubs is ok with it, then no one else matters. Period.
You have time to change your name. If you decide later that you wish you had, you can still change it!
Ignore them! I kept my name as a middle name and everyone was like "its whatever you want to do" and that's true- its between you and your husband and it's no one else's business!
You can always change it later if you want - I haven't officially changed mine yet because i have flights booked in my maiden name up until Jan. So after Jan i will have a break form traveling and then i should have time to change it without a bunch of problems.
Either way you don't have to explain yourself to anybody because they are just being nosy!
ditto MrsSl82be
People can choose to be offended over things that have nothing to do with them.
I'm not changing my name and fortunately nobody's cared so far (although my age and profession probably help with that).
You can change your name later if you want.
It's funny. I didn't change my name, yet when my name was announced at my sister's wedding (I was the Matron of Honor), they used my husband's last name. My cousin, who was seated at our table, gasped in surprise when she heard that . . . her assumption (correct assumption) was that I didn't change my name. So, expectations vary.
People can be so mean sometimes! I have a friend who waited about 8 months to change her name. Like you, she just had so much going on after he wedding that the next thing she knew, 8 months had gone by. She partly put it off because she just didn't like her new hubby's last name. (She had no emotional connection to her maiden name and had no desire to keep it). I wish there was just a tactful way to tell people to shove it when they're being rude..haha, don't we all wish that? lol
I chose to change my name to DH's last name, but what really irked me was when everyone just assumed I was going to do that...and when they found out I was trying to decide inbetween changing or not changing, they were shocked...like keeping my last name was a bad thing. Honestly, even though it was hard to ignore them, that's just eventually what I did. In the end, I changed my name because it was really important to my husband (and not in a male domination sort of way). He was just so stinkin cute and excited to be a husband and excited for me to take his last name, I just couldn't break his heart. lol And now, I'm absolutely in love with my new last name...just took some time.
Ultimately, I guess you just have to grin and bear it when people put their stinky noses into business that isn't theirs. I think sometimes that's the only thing we can do without coming across as being snarky/defensive.
There's many reasons why I'm choosing to change mine, but what really sold me was 'emergency situations'. Both my parents work in the medical field and they said there's always drama when someone comes in with husband or child and have a different last name. You have to kinda prove you're family because nothing you prob travel with on a day to day basis proves that. It's especially hard with kids because hospital rules are so strict to protect the child. I wouldn't want to deal with proving my maternity in an already stressful situation. Maybe that's why people think it's a big deal?
But at the end of the day it's your decision and I would ignore anyone who says negative things about it!
I don't think it matters what everyone else thinks! I'm planning on changing my name AFTER my college graduation (will be about 6-12 mos. after wedding). Just because I've got to taht point as who i am NOW, and I like who I am.
I see you're in the South, and people in that part of the country can be very, very defensive of tradition. Don't listen to them. It isn't their business, and you're happy with your decision. They can screw off!
I didn't change my name, but most people just use his last name for me now anyway. No big problem for me - I'm a doctor, if I didn't use my last name all the time I probably would have changed it. But I like my name the way it is. Anyway I kind of get the best of both worlds, I still have the same name but most people just use the other name socially, the situation totally works for me. I can't believe people have been rude to you about it - just ignore them, it is your decision and none of their business.
Ultimately its your decision. if you dont want to change it then dont. but sadly you cant stop people having their opinions about it. Just ignore them.
Just be very matter of fact and confident when you have to talk about it. I am in the South too and am not changing my name ever. My husband is fine with it, in fact he would have been shocked if I wanted to.
When I first went back to work, a co-worker said, "your husband must be SO mad that you are not changing your name." As though i just sprung it on him at the altar! If you reply surely and show that there is no room for discussion, that should end it.
Seriously, it's totally your decision. Some people are just afraid of breaking tradition...that's a huge problem in this society that I won't even get into. My friend and her husband actually decided her last name fit more and considered changing his surname to hers. I thought that was cute. Currently, they both go by their respective last names. You can always change it later if you decide to; it takes a bit of patience to take care of, but it can be done.
WHAT? That's nuts.
I'm not taking my FH's either, and if I get shit like you, my response will be something along the lines of:
"Well, HE refused to take MY name, so I guess we're even."
OR
"I accomplished a lot in my own name, thank you very much."
It's 2010, for heaven's sake.
It's my name and I'm keeping it. End of story. Tell them to mind their own business.
I'm still debating over here... I told my fiance that I'm not changing my name because I refuse to get one of our new health cards that has to be replaced every 5 years! (No thanks!) But like a PP mention, I am frequently in and out of hospital (due to health issues) and I don't ever want my husband to not have immediate access to me because they are questioning the relationship... I just don't know yet...
But whatever YOU want is good! :)
Blah who cares about them? And seriously how does it make paperwork easier to have the same name? You can be on insurance together, make him a beneficiary of your life insurance, etc without having the same name. My stepmom kept her name.
People can shove it.
First off, whether or not you change your name has nothing to do with the strength of your marriage or how much you care about each other.
Secondly people will judge no matter what you do. There are those who will criticize you for changing it or criticize you for not changing it. And those people? Can shove it.
It really, really sucks that a guy can keep his name, not deal with the paperwork, and not get any flack for it. (conversely, it sucks that guys get even more pushback if they happen to WANT to take their fiancee's name.) Anyone who is going around judging other people's choices does not appreciate what it means to have them.
sorry you're getting judgement for your own personal choice, that sucks! it's so funny because i always knew i'd change my name... and now that i have it's a giant hassle, plus i don't feel like the new name is actually mine. it feels like pretend, and my real name is the name i've had since birth. i won't change it back or anything, it's been only 3 months so i'm sure i'll get used to it. but i wonder if i had forseen this if i would have chosen to change it.... i don't think it's necessary to change your name when you get married. if people say anything negative tell them to mind their own damn busniess!
I still haven't changed my name. I also don't particularly like his last name and I've had mine for 30 years thankyouverymuch. It sort of irks me when people assume that I did but I don't make a big deal about it in social situations. Although it annoys the crap out of my that my IL hyphen my name even though I have never changed it. Presumptuous asses they are.
It's honestly YOUR choice, so if people are inappropriately speaking their mind, I would directly tell them that this was a personal decision that you made.
Also, I think that the beauty of feminism is that you have choices! Some women choose to change their name, some don't, some hyphenate etc... i don't think that there is a "correct" way to do things anymore so don't feel guilty ":)
@KMSull: I never changed my name during my first marriage (of 20 years) or in my current one. At one point, one of the partners in the law firm I was then working for asked me why my husband and I had different last names. I said cheerfully, "My husband decided to keep his maiden name." I didn't hear anything more about it after that. ;-)
It's weird, because I'm feeling a lot of judgment because I DID change my name. People seem surprised and to suddenly take me less seriously when they find out. Maybe it's because I'm in academia?? I don't know, but I'll repeat what's been said before....people should mind their own damn business! Sorry you're dealing with this!
I'm beginning to rank questions from people about my decision about my last name right up there in rude factor next to the so when are you going to start having kids question. There is nothing wrong with your decision! It's your choice. I added my husband's last name after mine, no hyphen. Fought with the marriage license lady about the lack of said hyphen. Upon hearing our names at the end of our rehearsal, my sister looked at me and said, in a voice loud enough for everyone to hear, OMG, don't tell me you are one of THOSE people. Seriously? I had a couple of aunts tell me I'd regret my decision and change it soon because it was such a hassle. Um, okay, thanks for the unsolicited input. I went in to the name change thing not being too strongly opinionated about the matter, but in the 6 weeks where no one outside of work or the bank uses my name properly, I find myself increasingly annoyed by the incorrect assumptions of others. Wish I had a better answer for you....
Doesn't matter at all.
People who actually think it matters have issues. All that matters is what's in your heart
I was actually surprised that everyone made out checks to Mr. & Mrs. X for our wedding when I hadn't changed my last name or told anyone if I was planning on it. Then at work people actually starting giving me a hard time and checking in with me every few weeks to see if I have 'changed my name yet'. I have no idea why people care so much and I'm a little offended, even though I do plan on changing it. To me it's almost like asking if we plan on trying to conceive anytime soon and when. NONE of anyone's business and certainly not open for opinions!
If you had changed your name, there would be another group of people that found issue with it. You can't win. Just stick to your gut instinct and start thinking of a good way to tell people to mind their business!
@JennyW1: I think I'm going to have to use your first one "he refused to take my maiden name..." lol
Stay strong! Your wedding wasn't too long ago; this will blow over soon enough. And if it doesn't, you'll be well within your rights to make pithy comebacks at anyone who questions you.
I'm changing my last name but I get really annoyed when people assume that that's what I'm doing. And a select few get all puffed up and act like FI has his wife "in line" or some bullsh*t attitude. Needless to say, we rarely spend time with those individuals.
It doesn't matter. Anyone who cares about whether or not you changed your name needs to learn how to mind their own business.
Even in this thread, I'm amazed at how many people are still telling you, "Don't worry, you can change your name later!" even though you expressly said you don't want to change your name, and can't see yourself wanting to anytime in the future.
Traditions die hard, and some people take it really personally when others don't adhere to their so-called rules. Their opinions aren't worth your time or aggravation.
It shouldn't matter but it seems to. 18 (nearly) months after our wedding and I have not changed my name and I have no intention to. Just this morning my husband and I had another "discussion" about it. I feel emotionally tied to my name, I like the way it sounds (more than his), it's my connection to MY family and I am so disconnected because we live on the other side of the world from them. All through HS and college friends called and still call me by my last name.
I get crap from one of my sisters in law about it and it upsets me. Recently we went to her wedding and she had me on the seating chart as Myfirstname HisLast. It upsets me that she does not respect my decision and just thinks I'm wrong.
I WISH I wanted to change my name, it would be easier, but I don't have that burning desire. People ask what our kids will be called. My response to that is "Oh the non-existant ones?" We'll worry about that when/if we have children!
It IS your decision but you have to deal with your decision in the end. I am very stubborn and one of the drivers for me NOT changing is that everyone thinks I should.
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Alright. I didn't change my last name when we got married. I didn't change my name when we moved to CT and I got my CT drivers license. And I don't really have any intention of changing my name anytime in the future. Mr. KM is TOTALLY and completely 100% okay with that. I'm okay with that. My mom is okay with that (my dad is iffy).
I don't have a problem with it. I understand that it makes alot of things easier once you do the paperwork. I just have no desire to do it. It's not because I'm any less devoted to Mr. KM. It's not because I forsee a divorce. It's not because I have some amazing professional reputation (ha, I wish). I simply didn't want to. I didn't think it was necessary and in the 2 week whirlwind of getting selling my car/ leaving my job/ getting married/ going to Paris on our Honeymoon/ packing/ moving 800 miles away... I didn't have time to mess with that. And it doesn't matter. I don't think I'm going to look back on my life and say "man, I really wish I had changed my last name." And people are being straight up... not nasty, but not nice.
The whole thing bothers me. Does it really matter that much? Am I missing something?