Weddingbee boards

My BF's SIL just gave birth last week to her 2nd child, and today BF went to visit his new nephew, about an hour's drive away.  He left straight from work, didn't tell me beforehand (he said that he didn't get ahold of his brother until he was already on the way to the gym, then got the call and left straight from there and wasn't going to fight traffic to pick me up across town. And to be fair he thought I was working late today, but I wasn't). His SIL recently wrote to me and added me on FB.  And I was jealous I wanted to see him tonight and had plans to make a wonderful home-cooked dinner...by the way I'm making it  anyway *just for me* anyway, and opened a lovely bottle of wine and enjoying a luxurious dinner that I would normally feel guilty about if not sharing with someone else.

When we were talking on the phone on his way there, I said I would LOVE to be there. I would love to see his family and nephew, and he said he'd be the uncle who didn't know what he was doing. And that makes me feel better, in a way.  That He's uncomfortable around babies, just like I used to be. He's the youngest, and I'm an only child, so neither of us have a lot of experience with babies/kids. But since my early awkward experiences, I've had godson and niece and nephew,  and my first really positive experience with a baby and kids.  I joked that I would be very happy to see him with his nephew, if for no other reason than I would feel less alone in not being a baby expert either. And I know he wants kids, but I'm skeptical becuase he doesn't really seem to *like* kids in general. I know it's different when it's your own kid though. 

And of course he didn't just stop by to see his nephew, his parents wanted to have  dinner with him so that was a few more hours before he got back onto town. And when I said "say HIi for me, I wish I was there but not going to invite myself" he said that I actually WAS invited! So he just didn't tell me.  Of course he may not want me to see him fumbling with the new baby....I'd be self-conscious too, though that was not the reason he didn't bring me. I told him the story of how I connected with my Godson and it was almost a nightmare, but I got comfortable and ended up being great with a baby for the first time ever.  I even was able to put him to sleep, and it was so peaceful. I told him what I did to feel more comfortable about it, since he was afraid of being put on the spot when the baby was handed to him, becuase they had always cried before ;-)

Then I just got this text from him "I held the baby and was a pro. no crying or anything, and he fell asleep! How's your evening going?"

And I just want to cry.  I am trying my best, and I haven't even been upset about not being engaged, for over a week! But that text just broke my heart and I realized that even though his family reached out and/or invited me, I was not included in this. And I wanted to be. And I just started crying and I didn't respond to the text. He wanted to come over tonight but I don't know if I want to see him.

Someone please talk me off the ledge or at least give me a pat on the back....this sucks. Again. All of the sudden. I was doing so well!!!!  

This sounds like it was tough to go through. I would definitely express your desire to be there, as you hope to one day be a part of this family. If you felt hurt, I would let him know this and explain that you would at least appreciate the option to be a part of these big moments. It does sound like he loves you a bunch because he was honest with you. While I cannot relate completely, I can on a smaller scale. My boyfriend's family had a large get together a few years ago and he said that I couldn't go. He didn't really explain why, but I just let it go and assumed that it was only a family event. The following week, his father asked why I didn't go and said that the family missed me. My boyfriend then came clean and said that I was invited, but that he was not sure if I would be uncomfortable or if I even wanted to go. I had to tell him that I wanted to at least have the option, because I wanted to feel included in the family. I don't think your man did  this for any bad or negative reason, it sounds like it was more about his personal uncomfort around children. He may want to get a little experience around children before he is around you with them. And you gotta see him eventually....you love him.... :-). Your feelings show your intense love for him and how you want to be there for all of the important moments in life. It is apparent how much you love and care for him and his family. I think that's really special! They sound like they love you too! Hope this all makes sense lol.

You Bees are aweome!

@Miss Starry Night: Thank you for reminding me that there will be other moments, and I know he didn't do it on purpose to hurt my feelings or anything like that...you're right about the "classic guy brain". And honestly I'm happy about him doing things without me. We both have demanding jobs, and I've had a BF who was codependent in the past,and I always felt guilty when I had work things to do or just plain self-care time by myself or GFs or family stuff. I love and appreciate the freedom that BF and I give each other.

 @christalynn11: just over a year. Not a long time compared to some Bees, but we're older (I'm 28 and he's 31). And since we've both been over 21, this is the longest relationship either of us has been in. And for him, I am the first person he's said he's loved in over 8 years.

 @Corykru: Thank you!!! I really appreciate your understanding...and especially for pointing out that my reaction (though embarrasing in a way...at first, becuase I just started crying at home in my apartment, wishing I was there) reveals the love I have for him and my desire to be a part of his family.  I can look on the bright side, just like your situation with the family get-together, I'm sure his family will ask where I was tonight.  I will write his SIL soon, since she did contact me via FB and we were writing back-and-forth before she gave birth.  And I was thinking of her today because my business took me quite close to where they live (I'm in sales so I travel)

And I did express my desire to be there, but he was already on his way.  I would appreciate being part of these moments...maybe I should find a way to say that.

@Ms. Pink Scrubs: Ah! You make a very good point. Maybe it would be even harder seeing him be succesful with the newborn, especially now that I thought I'd reached a phase of "relief" in my waiting cycle ;-)  I remember seeing him play with his niece on his birthday (and taking the most adorable picture of them)...and I've never been a "biological clock" kind of gal, I've always had my reservations about children. And marriage. He was the first guy who made me think I could be happily married. And I am open to children becuase he would be a great dad, and I want more of "him" in the world. Cheesy, right? And BTW after I met his niece, he told me that he thinks she likes me more than she likes him. WOW! Quite a compliment for a typically non-baby kind of gal.

And dinner was awesome! The pork was a bit tough but it was my first time cooking pork. Here's the recipe if any of you all are interested. Don't forget the mango salsa, and I served it with a Syrah:

@Chipmunk: well you have a good point. Yes I've really wanted to get engaged. But I realized if HE doesn't...it's a huge undertaking. I don't want anyone who's not 100% excited about it. 

I do love his family, and chances are that I may be in their area soon again for work. And I'll FB his SIL.  We're not so close that I would feel comfortable just dropping by, but if I stay in contact it may be possible for me to go and give her my best wishes without him having to be involved/self-conscious.

I'm just wondering if I should tell him how I felt about tonight.  I notice I've been bumming around The Bee and not checking my phone for the last hour...oops.

@DreamingBee: I would say something, but that's just me..I'm sure he didn't want you to feel left out, and he probably doesn't even realize that he made you feel that way guys are sometimes very clueless

@Chipmunk: hmmm...good point! But how to say that without sounding like a nag?

Thanks Hive!  I did talk to him, it was easy and he "got it" and said he was sorry.

@Chipmunk: yes, he didn't get it that I felt left out. He thought I wouldn't want to deal with the traffic, it would be a hassle for me.

@CupcakeLove: we can stop by this weekend to see them!

@ejs4y8: @flamingred: Oh, she's at home now! It's been a week. 

And everyone asked about me and said they missed me, his parents and brother/SIL, and specifically SIL wants to come up to where we live we can all do something together.  They are all so sweet, I miss them too!

hmmm sounds like a classic guy. haha he probably didn't see anything wrong with what he was doing, considering he didnt know you werent working late.  He probably just thought it was no big deal and that there will be other times for you to see the baby. So I understand his side of it.  I personally would be a little disappointed that I didnt get to go, but I wouldnt get that worked up about it.  You have to understand that guys dont really read into every little thing like girls do.  While I do think it sucks that you couldnt have shared the moment together, I wouldnt be mad at him about it. You'll most likely be invited over when the baby comes home, so no worries :) 

@keepsmiling19: Thanks! I feel less crazy that I'm not alone in feeling kind of left out about it....

@brady3537: @PinkPinstripes: Lol@ "Classic Guy Move" comments :-) I think that is exactly it.

I might be just a bit more on-edge/over-reactive to this becuase I'm a Lady in Waiting.  Of course I want to be a part of his life and his family, and as you all know when you're "waiting" it doesn't always feel like that's gonna happen....