I Didn't Like My Proposal. Anyone Else Feel The Same?

posted 3 years ago in Proposals
Post # 3
6633 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Oh boy, what do you care more about, that you got proposal of your dislike or you are going to be married to the man you love.  What is more important here?


Post # 4
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

My proposal was cool. We went to the Texas rangers opening day and our family and close friends were there. The only thing was he couldn’t get down on one knee because we were sitting in the bleachers. Lol. I wasn’t a huge fan of my ring either but we compromised and are Upgrading my setting on our one year anniversary. The important thing is to remember why you are getting married and compromise everything else. Good luck 

Post # 5
6928 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

I’ll be honest here, my proposal was nothing spectacular. I will say this, and maybe it will help, since obviously your proposal story is *not* going to magically change – it doesn’t matter as much once you’re married. It just doesn’t. You are far more likely to talk about your wedding day experience than your proposal experience, always and forever.


Post # 6
931 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I also had a very laid back proposal, and I don’t care, I married my the love of my life!  Hardly anyone ever gets the “movie worthy” proposal that most girls think of.  Hope you can let go of this and enjoy your married life soon.

Post # 7
214 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2006

The proposal is such a small thing in the whole time of a relationship. And, once you are married, the wedding day will be all you think about. I had a boring proposal too, but our marriage is great!!!! And, as far as the ring, that I would maybe ask to upgrade or exchange. Since you wear it for the rest of your life. But, the proposal, I would just let go. Like others say, what is more important, the way he proposed or the fact you get to marry the love of your life!


Post # 8
214 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2006

P.S…. Can you show us all a pic of your ring?!?! 🙂


Post # 9
7055 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@elaina250:  At least he got down on one knee. That’s more than my DH did.

I’ve read threads like this lots of times. I’ve no idea what percentage of girls get underwhelming proposals, but it’s pretty high! Like most girls you expect “a little thought”… but this is guys we’re talking about! I think youtube and romantic movies can make our expectations too high.

Post # 10
4494 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Ok, re #1: asking your dad, this is the 21st Century.  It’s not a necessary step towards engagement – your FI wanted to marry you, not your dad.  


Re #2: Have you told him you don’t like that he jokes about it in this way?  Have you let him know that it’s offensive to talk about you this way?


Re #3: If you don’t like your ring, can you get it reset into a setting you like, or get an awesome wedding band that’s your style?


Re #4: That sounds like a lovely proposal.  Not all guys are romantic and have it within them to do something awesome and romantic.  Real life isn’t like the movies or Pinterest boards, and not everyone’s going to deliver a Rom-com level proposal.  If you’re still finding this disappointing, check out the waiting boards where women are dying to get any proposal at all.


Just remember you’re getting married in a few months and you’re with a man you love.  The things you’re upset about are little details which don’t matter in the big scheme of things.  It’s a little concerning you’ve had these resentments for 2 years now.  Sometimes resentments like this can be from buildup of other resentments.  If it’s purely disappointment, then figure out what it will take for you to let these feelings go, because they can fester in a relationship.

Post # 11
289 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@elaina250:  I totally sympathize — but I’m also reminded of an episode of This American Life I once heard about relationships. The guy in a couple said ‘Everyone always asks how you met — but no one asks how you stayed together.’ The story of your life together isn’t in the ‘how we met’ or ‘what was your first date’ or ‘how did he propose.’ The real story is in everything in between. 

I just got engaged a month ago and my FI went on a long vacation to see our friends and family, so we told the proposal story quite a few times. Like you, it was a quiet proposal at home after dinner, just a nice meal we made together, some champagne and some really sweet words. We’ve also been together about five years, so it wasn’t totally surprising to either us or our families, but it was perfectly us. Maybe you could ask your FI to stop joking about being goaded into proposing. But other than that, I would try to let it go because there’s nothing you can really do about it. I think we all have an ideal of what the proposal will be like, but what really matters is what your marriage is like. 

Post # 12
10219 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Hi @elaina250:  First and foremost, I see you are relatively NEW here… so a BIG Welcome to “the Hive”

In all honestly, statistically you are the norm.  Far fewer girls get the Hollywood Proposal than you actually may think.  YOUR Proposal sounds sweet, and probably way more in line with the guy you actually married… so you should embrace that.

1- Asking Dad for Blessing / Permission… this is something you 2 should have discussed earlier.  Men are not mind readers.  This is WHY I am a HUGE proponent of LIFE TALKS, two people about to make a deeper commitment / get married, NEED to be on the same page.

2- OUCH Indeed.  Okay, regular old run-of-the-mill Proposals that most of us get aren’t that Romantic, but still they deserve more respect IMO than your Fiance is exhibiting.

3- Soooo sorry, this sucks.  A guy truly needs to pay attention to what a girl would want for such an important occasion… he may not be able to rock the mega ring, but he can certainly find something similar at a lower price point.

4- Ya it happens… honestly be thankful for what did happen, embarce it, call it your own.  Trust me there are far worse, as I said not all Hollywood… some Proposals are plain to say the least.  Lol, I like to refer to mine as the classic “Non-Proposal”

As another Bee said, in the long run the Proposal matters diddly… the Marriage is the most important element overall.

Your date says October… you are not far off now… soon the Engagement Phase will be behind you nothing more than a distant memory

Hope this helps,


Post # 13
3394 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@elaina250:  I get what you’re saying. It sucks that you were/are disappointed. I would only suggest that you be honest with him (and if you’re going to tell him how you feel be sure to tell him you just wanted a simple *moment* and not a huge to-do). Maybe he will take it upon himself to have a re-do.

Post # 14
104 posts
Blushing bee

maybe he’s not a fan of the grossness behind asking your dad for permission to marry you?

Post # 15
1007 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@AmeliaBedelia:  exactly what I was going to say. My proposal was meh, but not a single person has asked about my proposal since I got married. 

Post # 16
929 posts
Busy bee

@lettuce:  Grossnes??? What? 

@elaina250:  This is why I’m so glad I have no expectations of when SO proposes… 

Now for your situation: 

1 – Had the two of you ever spoken about that your dad was expecting to be asked your hand in marriage? In this day and age it’s becoming less expected. I’ve spoken to SO that I would like him to get the ‘ok’ from my dad and he knows this is expected of him. Maybe your FI didn’t completely understand this. Have you spoken about it to him since? I know two years has passed, but maybe your FI could somehow make up for it now?


2 – OUCH! Tell him how this affected you! Maybe he thought it was a lighthearted joke. 


3 – Speak with him about perhaps upgrading your ring or setting? 


4 – He may know you’re a romantic type of gal, but maybe he didn’t think this was expected of him too. 


I think essentially what I’m advising you to do is TALK, COMMUNICATE with your FI. He can’t know what’s expected of him unless you talk to him about it. Again, since two years has passed maybe he can make up for some of these things before the wedding… like a sweet re-proposal with your dad’s permission? Just throwing out a suggestion. 




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