Post # 1
I’ve been engaged for almost 2 years and I still hate the way my FI proposed to me – does anyone else have a similar problem? When people ask, I hide it by making the story funny or elaborating on some details. I also try to tell myself how lucky I am to have this guy – we really do have a great relationship. Unfortunately, no amount of self talk has helped me to feel better so I am resorting to folks on Weddingbee for guidance.
It happened on a Friday evening, we were sitting on a couch watching tv and he got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. The reason I am so upset is not neccessarily because of the way he did it, but the way it all came together:
1) I am really close to my dad and we’re a sentimental family. I found out he never asked my dad for permission even though he had a great opporunity the month prior and knew how important this was to me. This is probably what has stung the most. Not only for me, but for my dad also even though he wouldn’t ever say anything.
2) When people ask how he asked me to marry him he jokingly replies “Elaina kept asking me when we were going to get married so I just asked.” Ouch! We were together for 5 years and owned a house by this point. When I found out he was saying this I was so embarrassed.
3) we looked at rings together and in the end he didn’t purchase a ring even close to one I wanted. It was nothing elaborate. $$ isn’t an issue for us in case that’s what you all might be thinking. So on top of the proposal I also don’t care much for my ring. Sigh.
4) the way he did it on a couch at home. He brought the ring home that day and said he just wanted to give it to me which was sweet, I suppose. But a little bit of thought, even just a walk or a picnic or something similar to that would have been nice. He knows I’m a romantic type of gal.
Anyway, there you have it. We do have a great relationship, but this just stings. I feel like he put very little thought into the whole proposal thing and I feel like I shouldn’t be upset because afterall, he did propose.. right?
Post # 3
Oh boy, what do you care more about, that you got proposal of your dislike or you are going to be married to the man you love. What is more important here?
Post # 4
My proposal was cool. We went to the Texas rangers opening day and our family and close friends were there. The only thing was he couldn’t get down on one knee because we were sitting in the bleachers. Lol. I wasn’t a huge fan of my ring either but we compromised and are Upgrading my setting on our one year anniversary. The important thing is to remember why you are getting married and compromise everything else. Good luck
Post # 5
I’ll be honest here, my proposal was nothing spectacular. I will say this, and maybe it will help, since obviously your proposal story is *not* going to magically change – it doesn’t matter as much once you’re married. It just doesn’t. You are far more likely to talk about your wedding day experience than your proposal experience, always and forever.
Post # 6
I also had a very laid back proposal, and I don’t care, I married my the love of my life! Hardly anyone ever gets the “movie worthy” proposal that most girls think of. Hope you can let go of this and enjoy your married life soon.
Post # 7
The proposal is such a small thing in the whole time of a relationship. And, once you are married, the wedding day will be all you think about. I had a boring proposal too, but our marriage is great!!!! And, as far as the ring, that I would maybe ask to upgrade or exchange. Since you wear it for the rest of your life. But, the proposal, I would just let go. Like others say, what is more important, the way he proposed or the fact you get to marry the love of your life!
Post # 8
P.S…. Can you show us all a pic of your ring?!?! 🙂
Post # 9
@elaina250: At least he got down on one knee. That’s more than my DH did.
I’ve read threads like this lots of times. I’ve no idea what percentage of girls get underwhelming proposals, but it’s pretty high! Like most girls you expect “a little thought”… but this is guys we’re talking about! I think youtube and romantic movies can make our expectations too high.
Post # 10
Ok, re #1: asking your dad, this is the 21st Century. It’s not a necessary step towards engagement – your FI wanted to marry you, not your dad.
Re #2: Have you told him you don’t like that he jokes about it in this way? Have you let him know that it’s offensive to talk about you this way?
Re #3: If you don’t like your ring, can you get it reset into a setting you like, or get an awesome wedding band that’s your style?
Re #4: That sounds like a lovely proposal. Not all guys are romantic and have it within them to do something awesome and romantic. Real life isn’t like the movies or Pinterest boards, and not everyone’s going to deliver a Rom-com level proposal. If you’re still finding this disappointing, check out the waiting boards where women are dying to get any proposal at all.
Just remember you’re getting married in a few months and you’re with a man you love. The things you’re upset about are little details which don’t matter in the big scheme of things. It’s a little concerning you’ve had these resentments for 2 years now. Sometimes resentments like this can be from buildup of other resentments. If it’s purely disappointment, then figure out what it will take for you to let these feelings go, because they can fester in a relationship.
Post # 11
@elaina250: I totally sympathize — but I’m also reminded of an episode of This American Life I once heard about relationships. The guy in a couple said ‘Everyone always asks how you met — but no one asks how you stayed together.’ The story of your life together isn’t in the ‘how we met’ or ‘what was your first date’ or ‘how did he propose.’ The real story is in everything in between.
I just got engaged a month ago and my FI went on a long vacation to see our friends and family, so we told the proposal story quite a few times. Like you, it was a quiet proposal at home after dinner, just a nice meal we made together, some champagne and some really sweet words. We’ve also been together about five years, so it wasn’t totally surprising to either us or our families, but it was perfectly us. Maybe you could ask your FI to stop joking about being goaded into proposing. But other than that, I would try to let it go because there’s nothing you can really do about it. I think we all have an ideal of what the proposal will be like, but what really matters is what your marriage is like.
Post # 12
Hi @elaina250: First and foremost, I see you are relatively NEW here… so a BIG Welcome to “the Hive”
In all honestly, statistically you are the norm. Far fewer girls get the Hollywood Proposal than you actually may think. YOUR Proposal sounds sweet, and probably way more in line with the guy you actually married… so you should embrace that.
1- Asking Dad for Blessing / Permission… this is something you 2 should have discussed earlier. Men are not mind readers. This is WHY I am a HUGE proponent of LIFE TALKS, two people about to make a deeper commitment / get married, NEED to be on the same page.
2- OUCH Indeed. Okay, regular old run-of-the-mill Proposals that most of us get aren’t that Romantic, but still they deserve more respect IMO than your Fiance is exhibiting.
3- Soooo sorry, this sucks. A guy truly needs to pay attention to what a girl would want for such an important occasion… he may not be able to rock the mega ring, but he can certainly find something similar at a lower price point.
4- Ya it happens… honestly be thankful for what did happen, embarce it, call it your own. Trust me there are far worse, as I said not all Hollywood… some Proposals are plain to say the least. Lol, I like to refer to mine as the classic “Non-Proposal”
As another Bee said, in the long run the Proposal matters diddly… the Marriage is the most important element overall.
Your date says October… you are not far off now… soon the Engagement Phase will be behind you nothing more than a distant memory
Hope this helps,
Post # 13
@elaina250: I get what you’re saying. It sucks that you were/are disappointed. I would only suggest that you be honest with him (and if you’re going to tell him how you feel be sure to tell him you just wanted a simple *moment* and not a huge to-do). Maybe he will take it upon himself to have a re-do.
Post # 14
maybe he’s not a fan of the grossness behind asking your dad for permission to marry you?
Post # 15
@AmeliaBedelia: exactly what I was going to say. My proposal was meh, but not a single person has asked about my proposal since I got married.
Post # 16
@lettuce: Grossnes??? What?
@elaina250: This is why I’m so glad I have no expectations of when SO proposes…
Now for your situation:
1 – Had the two of you ever spoken about that your dad was expecting to be asked your hand in marriage? In this day and age it’s becoming less expected. I’ve spoken to SO that I would like him to get the ‘ok’ from my dad and he knows this is expected of him. Maybe your FI didn’t completely understand this. Have you spoken about it to him since? I know two years has passed, but maybe your FI could somehow make up for it now?
2 – OUCH! Tell him how this affected you! Maybe he thought it was a lighthearted joke.
3 – Speak with him about perhaps upgrading your ring or setting?
4 – He may know you’re a romantic type of gal, but maybe he didn’t think this was expected of him too.
I think essentially what I’m advising you to do is TALK, COMMUNICATE with your FI. He can’t know what’s expected of him unless you talk to him about it. Again, since two years has passed maybe he can make up for some of these things before the wedding… like a sweet re-proposal with your dad’s permission? Just throwing out a suggestion.