I didn't think I was fat…

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
567 posts
Busy bee

what exactly did he say to you if you don’t mind me asking?

Post # 3
Member
280 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

It is never okay for anyone to call you fat. Especially not your FI. He is supposed to be your biggest supporter.

I cannot say what’s going on in his head, but you are absolutely not fat. What was the context of the statement? Did he just come out and say “You’re fat.” or did he suggest that he join you in working out or was he expressing concern about your weight?

If your FI is expressing gennuine conern about your weight, that’s one thing, but if he just said “You’re fat.” that is extremely hurtful.

Post # 4
Member
465 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

What a terrible thing for him to say. My husband always says that the sexiest women are the ones who are comfortable and confident in their own skin, regardless of size. It sounds like you had that confidence until your husband said something so hurtful. I’m sure you are a beautiful woman. How did he say it? Was it a joke that fell flat? Do you have any other reasons to think he’s interested in someone else? I hope you told him how hurtful his words were, and if he has any respect for your feelings, he won’t be so careless again. 

Post # 6
Member
381 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: Royal Park Hotel

dreamer1288:  He said “You’re fat” just like that?  

Post # 8
Member
381 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: Royal Park Hotel

dreamer1288:  Oh God – how on earth does he think that’s ok to say to anyone?  If he was losing his hair would you be as insensitive?  Probably not.

If he’s a good guy otherwise I would just chalk it up to him being a bit braindead and emotionally stupid on this subject and move on.  But I’d be pissed too.  And I’d stop asking for his opinion since he gives it so bluntly and freely.

Post # 9
Member
567 posts
Busy bee

dreamer1288:  ouch! I would definitely be pissed. it’s one thing to say “that outfit just doesn’t complement your figure” which would be an appropriate response ig you ask how you look in something that he doesn’t think looks good on you but to say anything about you being “fat” in any way in regards to the question you asked him is not okay. As far as cheating goes, if this is your only “red flag” I don’t think it amounts to much in that regard but if there have been other “red flags” along with this it may be worth looking into. I don’t know what you look like but from the stats stated above I highly doubt you are fat!

Post # 10
Member
1629 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Church

dreamer1288:  FI hates that question – he always calls it a trap because there really is no right answer, and that is the answer he gives me usually. He also answers that I look good to him. My point is that your FI is right, in a way … However, he was still a d-bag nonetheless because that is a very cruel thing to tell someone. He obviously has no understanding of tact or how his words affect you. I am so sorry that you had to put up with such a cruel statement.

Post # 11
Member
332 posts
Helper bee

dreamer1288:  Whether he approves of your weight or not is irrelevant, IMO. His delivery SUCKS and says far more about his character (and respect for you!) than it does your weight. I constantly ask my DH if things make me look bigger than I am. And, if they do, he finds a really sweet way to tell me… Like, “I think you look beautiful in anything, but it doesnt make you look as stunning as you really are”. I quickly get the point, and my feels are spared. 

Your FI sounds like a jackass. I hope he was just having a very rare and insensitive moment. If my DH said things like that, I surely never would have signed up for a lifetime of it. Is this sort of critical behavior common in any other aspect of your relationship, OP?

ETA: Just looked at past threads and you are NOT on the “fatter side” of anything! Ay yi yi… Your FI is delusional. 

 

Post # 12
Member
332 posts
Helper bee

Sorry, I skimmed before and now see it’s actually your DH. You need to really stop him in his tracks now if this is first time behavior. So hurtful.  

Post # 13
Member
1987 posts
Buzzing bee

It worries me that your immediate conclusion in your first post was that his comment automatically means he has or will cheat on you. Unfortunately you asked him a loaded question and it sounds like he has no filter in the way he answered. But to jump to the conclusion that you did is very worrying about how you feel about yourself.

Listen–I get what it’s like to be in your shoes. I’m also 5’2″ and have been up to 160 at my heaviest and 98 ay my lowest. A very unhealthy 98 that took me years to recover from since I got there through an ED. At our height, it’s an immense struggle because even a few pounds will show. So I had to learn what it was like to feel comfortable in my own skin. Now I’m smack in the middle–no longer heavier but no longer waif thin. But I’m happy with myself. Comfortable with myself. And that’s what you need to start believing about yourself. You say you work out; you eat right you drink plenty of water. You’re doing everything you should. You should be proud of that and of yourself.

While it was a douchey thing for your husband to say, he probably just answered with his honest feelings. One time I was very devastated when I was obsessing over gaining weight and my dad, bless his heart, trying to make me feel better said, “You’re not fat, you’re just a little heavy.” Sometimes people that love us don’t understand how their words affect us. He was just telling me the truth in his eyes. I don’t think your husband was trying to be mean, he was just answering without thinking how it would affect you. And if that’s the case, he won’t change. *You* have to change. You have to become comfortable enough in your skin not to let that honesty affect you. You know and I know and everyone here knows that 5’2″ and size 6/8 is NOT fat. But you have got to believe it and own it and have confidence in yourself enough not to let something like that bother you to the point that you think he’s having an affair on you. 

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by  MrsYokiman.
Post # 14
Member
381 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: Royal Park Hotel

laceydoilies:  There’s no right answer?  Yes there is.  “No” haha

Post # 15
Member
4220 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

It’s unfair to ask him if you look fat in something. Sorry your feelings were hurt. 

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