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I don't think you're out of line, but maybe a phone call will be better an an email? Emails are very easy to ignore. Just tell her you understand she's busy, but if she wants to be in the wedding, she needs to get a dress and let you know the details of her flight, hotel, etc by a certain deadline. If not, you'll assume she will be attending as a guest. That puts the onus on her to get her act together and gets the message across without being accusatory or starting a fight.
I've tried calling her a few times without success. I've even facebook messaged her, and I know she's gotten it because I can see her on FB chat. I totally understand that she's got other things going on besides our wedding, which is why I try not to nag her with things, but the wedding is getting so close now..
I can totally understand your frustration since it seems like she's not really responding to your efforts to communicate with her...
One idea might be that she still thinks of the wedding as really far away...As brides, we feel like there's not enough time to get everything done but her mindset might be that she has more than 4 months, which is plenty of time to get a plane ticket and a dress...
I don't think this makes her lack of communication and interest in your wedding any easier to take, it just might give you a possibly different perspective? I've found that people who are "out of the loop" wedding wise seem to not realize that a lot of this stuff needs to be done well in advance...
Good luck!
I just wanted to chime in because I TOTALLY feel your frustration. I was the same way, told them to pick any dress in the world as long as it was a hue of purple, pick any shoes you want, and I made professional hair/make-up optional. Basically, they paid whatever they wanted for a dress, shoes, and their hotel rooms (which, actually, my family ended up covering anyway last minute).
One of my BMs e-mailed me a week before saying she couldn't come because of emotional issues (which I later found out were BS), and while my MOH was amazing the whole time, my other BM was totally disinterested. We didn't even get a card from her saying, "Hey, congratulations!" or anything. I was hurt, but I got over it.
In your situation, I would honestly send her one more e-mail and leave one more message saying, "hey, I'm really to have to do this, but I need to set a deadline. If I don't hear from you by [insert date], I'm going to assume you've decided to back out of the wedding party, which is fine. I just need to know." If you don't hear from her, she's out. We had to do with with one of our GM, and it was awful, but once he backed out, it made things so much easier!
The person who I had bridesmaid drama with was the LAST friend I expected to totally suck throughout the planning process. I thought there might be drama with one of my other friends (who has been great) but i was totally shocked as everything was unfolding with this particular girl. She is no longer in my wedding which was a mutual decision, and I don't think I'm inviting her just because I haven't spoken to her since the decision was made in Januray.
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I thought I'd be one of the lucky brides who wouldn't have to worry about bridesmaid drama. Maybe drama isnt' really the word, more of bridesmaid "disinterest".
I have 7 BM's (including my MOH). Most of them are busy with work, grad school, and 3 are even busy planning their own weddings! They've all been wonderful, except for one. She just moved to CA a few months ago - isn't going to school, hasnt' found a job yet, and is enjoying the care free single life CA has to offer. Her parents are still supporting her in this time of "exploration".
Here's my problem - she's been super unresponsive to me, as well as my MOH. I tried to make it as easy on my BM's as possible, letting them choose their own dresses, shoes, jewelry (with some basic guidelines), I'm paying for hotel rooms, and I'm being super flexible on pretty much everything else. Now that we're fast approaching the wedding, I've tried following up on who's getting hair/make up done, what time people are flying in, who needs hotels, etc. She hasn't looked for her dress yet (all the other girls have theirs!), and wont respond to my emails about everything else. She hasnt' even responded to my MOH about shower details.
I dont want to kick anyone out of our wedding, especially since we've been friends for so long. I want to write her a firm email letting her know that I need her to put a little more effort in, and understand that even tho this isn't the big thing in her life right now, it's HUGE in mine...and I'd really appreciate not having to stress over her. Do you think that'd be out of line?