I dislike DH's BFF am I entitled to not hang out with them?

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
5192 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

amoret11:  I’m with your husband.  I think you should acompany your husband when he spends time with them.  Doesn’t sound like they’ve done anything truly offensive.

You seem to be making a big deal out of some pretty small things.  For example, I doubt they named their dog after your nephew.  The Godparent thing doesn’t seem like such a big deal. It sounds like they tried to find a sensitive way to include you and the whole thing just got a little out of hand and some feelings were hurt.

 

Post # 3
Member
6048 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

You’re not entitled to anything. Period. Their circus that you didn’t want to participate in was taken personally …you’re joking right? They tried to include you and you mocked them by calling their beliefs a circus. These are people that must love your DH very much to try to include you in their family. Naming theit dog a similar thing to your nephew… im sure they did that to spite you for the next 12 years or so. Even when you presented your own sife in this you look like a petulant child.

Post # 6
Member
7395 posts
Busy Beekeeper

amoret11:  I am a little confused. Were you asked to be a godparent with your DH and you declined? Becuase if so I would ask why? They were giving you an honour position in their childs life and you refused it? And for your info within the Ctaholic faith only one of the Godparents has to be a Catholic, the other Godparent can be any or no faith.

I also think the dog/nephew thing is you being ridiculous.

I would be very careful because you could damage your relationship with your husband with this behaviour.

Post # 7
Member
1049 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

amoret11:  I think since they are out of town and you don’t have to see them regularly, that you can survive hanging out with them a couple of times a year.  Since you all used to be friendly, be the bigger person and try to be positive and who knows perhaps all this craziness will subside and you will enjoy their company again.

Post # 8
Member
2052 posts
Buzzing bee

I am confused about what exactly happened with them, but my opinion is and pretty much has always been you shouldnt ever have to hang out with someone you dont enjoy spending time with just because you’re in a relationship with someone (unless its family, thats a whole different animal.)

That said, that also means that you cant force your husband to hang out with someone he may not want to hang out with either. It goes both ways. 

I have an issue with my FI’s BFFs girlfriend. This means that if hes going to hang out with his BFF I usually dont go, because the GF is going to be there and I dont want to be around her. Its awkward sometimes but whatever, I’ve got better things to do than playing nice with someone I dont like for hours. But the same goes for my FI, I have friends he doesnt care for, so when I go out he is of course invited, but I’m not offended when he doesnt go because I know he doesnt like the people there. I would be rather pissed off if my FI said that I HAD to hang out with his BFF and his GF simply because we’re together and hes going.

Post # 9
Member
643 posts
Busy bee

amoret11:  I think you can hang out with whoever you want. You aren’t telling your husband that he can’t be friends with them, so how is it fair that he tells you to pretend to be their friends? I think it’s two faced to dislike someone and then be nice to their face. I’m all for being civil but you don’t have to be buddies. 

There is no rule that married people must have all the same friends. When he goes out with them, you can go out with your own friends. Also, if they are blatantly rude to your face, I hope your husband would stand up for you and take your side. That’s not acceptable. 

Post # 10
Member
5966 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

 

amoret11:  sorry but I think you are being a bit ridiculous.

Being asked to be a godparent is a huge honor in the catholic faith. Even though you were not officially asked, being asked to be an honorary god parent because your spouse is offically the god parent is, in my opinion, the couple trying to include you because you will be a part of their child’s life in a pretty big way. You will be a support to someone who is supposed to help guide their child as he\or she gets older. I think maybe you took their gesture in the wrong way.

As for hanging out with them…. technically you can choose to not see whoever you want. But my advice is that you only hve to see them a few times a year, so I would suck it up and be supportive of my husband and be there. You will only be making things awkward for your husband by refusing to hang out with these people that he’s so close to.

And really? naming their dog after your nephew? come on…..

Post # 13
Member
7075 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Since your husband still considers them friends, I would just try to be civil. You don’t have to be best friends with them.

Post # 14
Member
6504 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

I think since you’re going out of town that you should just suck it up and go with your husband. If they lived in the same area and hung out all the time than I think it’s fine to skip it but it doesn’t sound like you see them very often so if it were me I would just do it to make my husband happy.

Post # 15
Member
8418 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

amoret11:  I’m not Catholic, but I feel that there is a deep misunderstanding between you and this couple.  While you may not share their beliefs, they did try to include you in a way that was very sacred to them, and you dubbed it as “not the correct way” (although I feel they chose to do this out of respect for your marriage).  I think at this point they could not deal with the hurt and disrespect they felt at their own child’s Christening and may have (inappropriately) mocked/snubbed you.  If you truly felt that you did not want to take the “attention” away from the real godmother, you could have redirected everyone’s attention or simply not attend the party.  As for naming the dog after your nephew, I think you may just be annoyed with this couple and little things seem more irritating now. 

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