- 7 years ago
Finances are hard and can be the biggest problem in a relationship. Its not important that someone makes a ton or has an education, but it is important that a person be able to pay bills responsibly.
You bf either needs to find a winter job (Shoveling, plowing etc) to make sure he is employed year round. Or find a 9-5 job. He really should get his GED, not having it is really hurting his earning potential.
If you can manage a degree or certificate in a trade or him, I would really work hard to get it done now. You will both be able to find more steady jobs later.
I think until the two of you have no CC debt between you, until you are able to save a little money each month you should not get married. Life gets more expensive. Not having car insurance can financially ruin a person. I am not just talking about having to buy a new car if something is totaled, but if someone sues you in an accident.
Not being able to afford health insurance falls in the same boat. Medical costs are expensive and when you are 25 you will need to be sure you can afford health insurance. It was discovered I had a heart condition. I have had to surgeries and will continue to have them at a cost of $100K each. What if I didnt have insurance at the time. It would be considered a pre-existing condition and no insurance would ever pay for these surgeries…
I don’t think you should get married with the expectation that the government can or should help you out. It is there as an emergency help, not a planned assistance.
You marry someone for richer or poorer, if they find themselves in hard times after you get married. You dont marry someone you are not sure can pay his own bills on time.
I’m going to give you advice that I don’t think you want hear based on how you put poorer in all caps… I suggest you wait, and there are several reasons I suggest that.
1. Once you’re married, you will not be covered by your father’s insurance, and you said you can’t afford the insurance your company offers. If you have a lapse in insurance, any insurance you get in the future will require a six month waiting period, so if you get pregnant…forget it, you’re on your own financially.
2. You said the way he handles his bills is scary. This is not going to change until he decides to make it change. If the way he’s already behind now scares you, that will only be magnified once you get married.
3. You both have debts. Not that I’m saying you should be debt free before you get married, but you both should have some kind of plan for getting your individual debts paid off. Believe it or not, it is easier to get your debt under control when your single than when your married, unless you both can really, really work together hard on ALL the debt.
Money problems break up more marriages than infidelity. Get the money, debt, job and insurance things under control now before you’re married, or plan on having a difficult time financially after your married. I’m not saying that your finances will break you up, but I can almost guarantee it will make marriage a lot harder than it needs to be.
Plus when you marry someone you get married for richer or POORER right?
Well for one thing, don’t use those traditional vows as an argument to marry him sooner. “For richer or poorer” does not mean “for richer or for having absolutely no clue about how to manage finances”. Financial troubles can easily be a marriage wrecker. Until you two have a frank discussion about finances, especially about saving money and reducing your debt, you two shouldn’t be thinking about getting married. If he “shuts down” when you start talking about it, you need to get it into his head that you will not marry someone who’s afraid of dealing with money like an adult.
He also needs to finish high school. That’s a no brainer. Is there an evening GED program he can take?
Other things to consider: How old are you both? Who would be paying for the wedding? Are either of you doing any unnecessary spending at all? Could you move back in with your parents for a while to save money?
I think you two have a lot to work out.
Harsh advice but I agree with the others. As tought as it is he’s just gotta find a way to get his GED and find something that is steadier. Maybe he can do the roofing and detailing part time or figure something else out with an eveing part time job.
You really need to set up a budget if you haven’t already. Maybe you can move in to a cheaper place for a little while or sell some things but you need to get out from under your debts. Could you move in with some family for a little bit? You gotta be really tough with yourself. I’d suggest Dave Ramsey’s book “Total Money Makeover”, crazy tough but if you want to be stable it’s a must do.
Maybe get yourself into a vocational school or make sure every person you know knows that you’re both looking for opportunities. A lot of this kind of thing is good connections. Maybe get yourself into a good church and make friends. Get into groups/clubs where you can make good connections.
I say wait until you’re a bit more steady. Financial, vocationally, and emotionally. And don’t get pregnant!! Sorry, that might be out of line, but seriously!
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