Post # 1
I´m a regular poster but opened another account so I can tell you with out fear that I’m really thinking about calling off the wedding.
At this point I can only think of two reasons why to marry him:
1) Our 2 year old daughter
2) His reaction if I cancel the wedding and ask him to move. This includes everything from violence, trying to take my daughter away from me or just making my life impossible.
Just so you know, it wasn´t like this before, I really love/loved him, it’s just that he has been acting like an idiot for months. I don´t think he really loves me or wants to marry me either.
Please give me your advice.
Post # 3
Oh, honey… I’m so sorry you feel this way! Do you have a safe place you can go if you decide to go through with calling off the wedding? It sounds like you are really concerned for the safety of you and your daughter. A relative, perhaps? Just because you have a child with someone does not mean you have to marry this person. If you truly feel in your heart that by marrying this man you will be ruining the rest of your life, then do it-call off the wedding. Only you can make you happy.
Good luck, and keep us posted!
Post # 4
If you feel that you should call off the wedding, do so, go with your gut. Your daughter, while a wonderful addition to your life is not a reason to stay in a relationship with someone you don’t love or want to be with. Fear of what his reaction will be is also no reason to stay. I’m worried about the violence thing more than anything else, my advice is to try to get someone to come over when you talk to him, or take your daughter and stay with a family member or friend and call and talk to him. Let someone know what you are planning on doing and make them understand that you are scared of his reaction. Don’t do talk to him alone without anyone knowing what you are doing. Please, please, be careful, and good luck to you and your daughter, you’re in my prayers.
Post # 5
I am so sorry to hear about your situation. First off, if you suspect that he would get violent with your or your daughter, then you need to leave the situation as quickly as possible. I can not tell you how important it is that you take any threat seriously. Do you have friends you can stay with? Is there a safehouse in your area?? I think that once you are out of the house, you can tell him you don’t want to be with him and take it from there.
I wish you all the best, and my thoughts are with you.
Post # 6
SO SORRY THAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH THIS(((HUGS)))
But from someone who didn’t follow their feeling about not marrying someone and marrying them out of fear it doesn’t work and it isn’t suppose to. you need to get out now!! There will be that special someone someday and you don’t want to miss out on the good guy. I agree you need to find a safe place and do it all safely. I hope you have friends and family for support. I will say a prayer:)
Post # 7
Go with your gut instinct. It will never lead you in the wrong direction. If something inside is telling you that things aren’t right, that you don’t want to be with him, then listen to that voice. You owe it to yourself, and to your daughter. The people who love you and care for you will understand and will be there when you need them to. The people who don’t? They’re not worth your time.
Post # 8
It sounds like you know that your fiance has violent tendencies and/or some personal issues that are affecting the relationship. Please take all precautions and make yourself a safety and escape plan. It sounds like a smart thing to make a plan and get out before any violence escalates. If you need help locating your local domestic violence resources, you can PM me and we can find them together. They will help you whether or not there is currently any violence involved.
Sending you strength and resolve!
Post # 9
people have already said it by my only input is to say do you want your daughter raised in a home where the threat of violence and fear is real?
take care, be careful and put yourself and your child first in this decision – sending hugs
Post # 10
You absolutely should not marry him if you are feeling this way! Think of your daughters mental and physical safety. Things will work out okay, it may take time and effort, but they will!
Post # 11
I am so sorry things have gone downhill over the last few months. I echo the other bees who are recommending you not try to do this alone. Even if you want to have a private conversation with him, make sure someone else is nearby and that you are on neutral ground.
Good luck to you and I will sending good thoughts your way. Be safe and take care of yourself and your little girl.
Post # 12
there is one phrase that haunts me, your fear of violence. If you fear this you need to call off the wedding, even if its just until he and you or you both can get help. You can get through this honey, you need to think of your health and safety and especially the safety of your daughter first.
Post # 13
Thanks, all I can say is I should had known this would be your answer, probably the reason why I haven´t told my mother (the only relative I have in this country) about any of this.
You are right, but it just seems so hard, even if it doesn´t get violent (he has been violent a couple of times, but he wanted to change, and he stopped doing it, so I dont know what to think).
I don´t know why I´m so affraid, I´m not a coward, it just that my daughter and him are my whole life.
I think some of you are christians, I am, and I really believed that our relationship could be turn around, but latetly it has been so hard, we are so bitter, both of us.
I can´t believe we are getting married in 4 months.
Post # 14
- Wedding: September 2009 - Barr Mansion
Oh no, I am so sorry to hear that you are feeling this way. It sounds like calling off the wedding is what you want. I think it’s better to make that decision now than to regret marrying this guy later. If you have fear for you and your daughter’s safety, then clearly you do not need to be marrying this guy. Do you have someone you can stay with or who can come stay with you to make things easier? I wish you all the best.
Post # 15
I’m so sorry you are going through this. If you want or need to call of the wedding – DO IT. If you are afraid seek shelter in your family, your friends, someone. It’s so much easier to do it prior to the wedding than AFTER, I promise.
If you are this fearful this is NOT the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, the person you want raising your daughter. You deserve 1000x better than this.
Thinking about you.
Post # 16
I don´t, I really have no one around that could give such support. As I said, the only one in this country is my mom, but most of the time she is working in a different city. And my FI´s family are really good people, but that is their so/brother, so I don´t know.
Maybe I could talk to my FSIL in private about this, and then ask her and her husband to be there when I approach my FI to tell him what I think?
That´s the thing, I can´t really talk to him, we have closed almost all ways of comunication and I don´t think he wants to get them opened again.
What do you think of this plan? I know if I tell my mom she would go crazy calling lawers and booking airflights. True story.