(Closed) I don´t think I really want to marry him…

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
558 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Oh, honey… I’m so sorry you feel this way! Do you have a safe place you can go if you decide to go through with calling off the wedding? It sounds like you are really concerned for the safety of you and your daughter. A relative, perhaps? Just because you have a child with someone does not mean you have to marry this person. If you truly feel in your heart that by marrying this man you will be ruining the rest of your life, then do it-call off the wedding. Only you can make you happy.

Good luck, and keep us posted!

Post # 4
Member
984 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

If you feel that you should call off the wedding, do so, go with your gut. Your daughter, while a wonderful addition to your life is not a reason to stay in a relationship with someone you don’t love or want to be with. Fear of what his reaction will be is also no reason to stay. I’m worried about the violence thing more than anything else, my advice is to try to get someone to come over when you talk to him, or take your daughter and stay with a family member or friend and call and talk to him. Let someone know what you are planning on doing and make them understand that you are scared of his reaction. Don’t do talk to him alone without anyone knowing what you are doing. Please, please, be careful, and good luck to you and your daughter, you’re in my prayers.

Post # 5
Member
815 posts
Busy bee

I am so sorry to hear about your situation.  First off, if you suspect that he would get violent with your or your daughter, then you need to leave the situation as quickly as possible.  I can not tell you how important it is that you take any threat seriously.  Do you have friends you can stay with?  Is there a safehouse in your area??  I think that once you are out of the house, you can tell him you don’t want to be with him and take it from there. 

I wish you all the best, and my thoughts are with you. 

Post # 6
Member
344 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

SO SORRY THAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH THIS(((HUGS)))

But from someone who didn’t follow their feeling about not marrying someone and marrying them out of fear it doesn’t work and it isn’t suppose to.  you need to get out now!!  There will be that special someone someday and you don’t want to miss out on the good guy.  I agree you need to find a safe place and do it all safely.  I hope you have friends and family for support.  I will say a prayer:)

Post # 7
Member
90 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Go with your gut instinct.  It will never lead you in the wrong direction.  If something inside is telling you that things aren’t right, that you don’t want to be with him, then listen to that voice.  You owe it to yourself, and to your daughter.  The people who love you and care for you will understand and will be there when you need them to.  The people who don’t?  They’re not worth your time.

Post # 8
Member
7082 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2009

It sounds like you know that your fiance has violent tendencies and/or some personal issues that are affecting the relationship.  Please take all precautions and make yourself a safety and escape plan.  It sounds like a smart thing to make a plan and get out before any violence escalates.  If you need help locating your local domestic violence resources, you can PM me and we can find them together.  They will help you whether or not there is currently any violence involved.

Sending you strength and resolve!

Post # 9
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

people have already said it by my only input is to say do you want your daughter raised in a home where the threat of violence and fear is real?

take care, be careful and put yourself and your child first in this decision – sending hugs

 

Post # 10
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

You absolutely should not marry him if you are feeling this way! Think of your daughters mental and physical safety. Things will work out okay, it may take time and effort, but they will!

Post # 11
Member
399 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I am so sorry things have gone downhill over the last few months.  I echo the other bees who are recommending you not try to do this alone.  Even if you want to have a private conversation with him, make sure someone else is nearby and that you are on neutral ground.

Good luck to you and I will sending good thoughts your way.  Be safe and take care of yourself and your little girl.

Post # 12
Member
190 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

HUGS! 

there is one phrase that haunts me, your fear of violence.  If you fear this you need to call off the wedding, even if its just until he and you or you both can get help.  You can get through this honey, you need to think of your health and safety and especially the safety of your daughter first.

HUGS!

Post # 14
Bee
13686 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2009 - Barr Mansion

Oh no, I am so sorry to hear that you are feeling this way.  It sounds like calling off the wedding is what you want.  I think it’s better to make that decision now than to regret marrying this guy later.  If you have fear for you and your daughter’s safety, then clearly you do not need to be marrying this guy.  Do you have someone you can stay with or who can come stay with you to make things easier?  I wish you all the best.

Post # 15
Member
2634 posts
Sugar bee

I’m so sorry you are going through this.  If you want or need to call of the wedding – DO IT.  If you are afraid seek shelter in your family, your friends, someone.  It’s so much easier to do it prior to the wedding than AFTER, I promise. 

If you are this fearful this is NOT the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, the person you want raising your daughter.  You deserve 1000x better than this.

Thinking about you.

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