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I don't even know if I should be upset

posted 1 year ago in Emotional
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    1.
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    Busy bee
    xshellx2003    April 30, 2011   Ohio

    I found this guy on Craigslist that is ordained and performs weddings on the side. I friend requested him on fb and have been checking out his work. Well he lives about an hour away which is where my brother lives and my mom and I are going to go see my brother on Saturday and I figured that I could kill two birds with one stone and set up an appt. with the REV. on Sturday for a consultation. He put on his status that this weekend he was off so I figured he might have a half an hour to spare. I sent him an email asking if we could meet up. He said that he was really busy. I said that I wasn't sure the next time I would be in the area and that I was going to check out people who live around me and the reception hall. So then I posted on my FB that if anyone knew someone who was ordained to let me know. The REV comments back saying how he's done 51 weddings and I just need to be patient. I wrote back that I was afraid he would get booked before I had a chance to meet him. He responded back saying that since he works two jobs and has two kids he deserves some time off. Not a problem I understand that. As a bride and wedding planner, it's very important to be prepared and sometimes over prepared for your wedding. Many things can go wrong and getting a head start is the best way to go. I only have 6 months to go until the wedding and having someone marry us is, uh, kinda important. 

    I guess I'm just kind of irritated that he's telling me to be patient. This to me is showing that he doesn't care to much, especially since this is his side job.

     
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    Helper bee
    Sassy5412    December 7, 2013  

    ya i would find someone else.

     
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    stephanie63087    May 14, 2011   Fort Wayne, Indiana

    look elsewhere ... he sounds like a prick imo.

     
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    creme_de_violet    9/12/2010   San Francisco

    I agree with the other ladies, find someone else =)  If he's unpleasant now I can't imagine how it'd be to work with him on the ceremony!

     
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    Busy bee
    xshellx2003    April 30, 2011   Ohio

    It's just such a bummer because he was about $100 less than everyone else. I mean really $350 just to marry someone. I'm def. in the wrong profession. Ahh on to search again.

     
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    Treasure43    September 18, 2010  

    I would find someone else. Above all, you want someone who you click with and who WANTS to marry you. When we met our minister, we loved her but she wanted $500. We asked her if she could do it for $300 (which was still more than we had budgeted) and she said of course. And our ceremony was amazing and everyone told us how fabulous she was so she was totally worth it!

     
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    bakerella    September 11, 2010   Toronto, ON

    I would find someone else. I mean, everyone meets with different potential vendors for various roles in the wedding from florists to photographers to officiants. It's incredibly unprofessional for him to get into a public facebook snark war with a potential client. Me thinks he's just talked himself out of a job. Block him and find someone else.

     
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    Busy bee
    judithsr    October 16, 2011   Hastings, NY/Wedding Bear Mountain, NY

    Considering he's someone who probably wants your business, and his initial response is telling you to be patient, I can only imagine what he'd be like if you were to hire him, and he didn't have to "woo" you anymore.  And you know, the $100 is probably for a reason.  (Get what you pay for sort of thing).

    It is a bummer to find someone/something for much cheaper and find out it's not what you hoped for.  Though I definitely agree with everyone else that this guy really doesn't sound so good, and probably there are much better options. 

     
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    beekiss2      

    I think you should find someone else.  If he was accusatory in his e-mail, then it might not be enjoyable to deal with him during planning and on your and your Fiance's wedding day.  You want smooth sailing.

     
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    Helper bee
    Lilacgal    April 22, 2011   Ohio

    Sounds like someone with an attitude...AVOID him and keep searching. Best wishes for securing an officiant soon! Laughing

     
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    Buzzing bee
    lezlers    April 3, 2011   California

    Abort!  Guy sounds like an ass.  If he's this much of a jerk when he's trying to get your business, imagine what he'd be like once he's actually received your deposit. 

     
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    2PeasinaPod       Philadelphia

    I agree in saying find someone else, but I do have to say that this guy doesn't sound like the AHOLE everyone is making him out to be. He probably works nonstop, and he just wanted a weekend when he didn't have to do anything. I'm sure he could've probably spared a half hour for you, but does that mean he has to spare a half hour for 3 other brides that asked? And then he's working on a day he originally had off.

    I know when you're trying to have a side business, you have to put a lot of work into it, but I don't blame this guy for needing a day off.

     
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    pinkshoes    July 2011   MA

    I'm going to go against the grain here and say maybe you could give the guy a break.  You could meet with him and he turns out ok.  True that he probably shouldn't have said to you to be patient, but maybe he feels like you didnt give him a chance either and was writing him off just cause he said he could meet with you *this* weekend.  He should understand too that you need your bases covered.  As 2PeasinaPod said, if he took just you, and just a few others, he doesnt have a day off anymore, he's gotta draw the line somewhere, sorry it had to be with you too.  I dont think its that he doenst care, just that he care about his work life balanace and doesnt appear to care about your wedding as much as you want him to.  And on the flip, people who do are responsive and all and seem to care, may not care about you per say, responsiveness and a good job is just the best way to get that paycheck and referrals.

     
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    OurWedding    August 13, 2011   South Carolina

    Yeah, you should be upset. I would find someone else. I think it was rude and inappropriate for him to tell you to be patient and say he needs time off. He's not the only officiant around. Good luck!!

     
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    MaiFuture    October 1, 2011   Texas

    I think he is not reflecting well upon himself and yes you should find someone new. Telling a client you deserve some time off and the bride needs to be patience is not appropriate way to go about it. I hate when a vendor says something that makes me feel like a foolish person and don't work with them. He also seems to have too much on his plate as it is and who knows if he will want the weekend of your wedding off as well. Can you not have a friend marry you in Ohio? All that costs is a nice gift =). 

     
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    jenny8283    May 1, 2011  

    Move on and find a way better rev.

     
    17.
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    Sasha2011    July 30, 2011   Toronto

    I don't believe he is an ass. It is quite easy to miscontrue the tone of voice on FB messages.

    As PP's said, he needs to be firm about his days/times off. He has made a commitment to his family for that and of course should not budge. Especially since he already has a day job so losing this one is not AS BAD of a deal. He can still survive and support his family.

    He definitely needs to brush up his people's skills though and not say things like "be patient" when we ALL know that wedding planning is far done from 'patience'. All venues, florists, make up/hair artists, etc. are usually booked a year or MORE in advance!!

    He could've said "I am sorry this weekend is unavailable. I am already booked." (Which he is, with his family). And then quickly also schedule another day/time with you before you are off the phone.

    Do try to find others but also call him again.

     
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    summerbride12    June 12, 2011  

    I agree that he could've worded what he said better, but I also agree with the few people who said that he's probably not a jerk. He just wanted time off with his family and if he works multiple jobs and is always busy, then he deserves that. It's not fair to his family to drop their plans together simply because it works out best for your schedule.

    I think he deserves a second chance, especially if he works out better for your budget, but if you're really that upset over it then just find someone new.

     
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    Busy bee
    xshellx2003    April 30, 2011   Ohio

    Being a wedding planner on the side I come in contact with many vendors. Having a great reate is one of the first things that brides see. He would have been in my list of vendors to recommend. He did act a little strange when I said I wanted to meet with him first before hiring him to see if I like his style. I think this threw him off because I'm guessing he just has brides hire him because of the price. I just had a friend get married earlier this month and she's going to talk to her minister for me. My other friend is going to talk to her dad. I know that when one door closes another one opens. I wasn't sure if should be upset for him telling me. I'm 26 years old, I know what I'm doing. I'm not an impressionable 18 year old who's going to put up with someone brushing me off like that.

     
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    2PeasinaPod       Philadelphia

    I don't think he was trying to brush you off. He originally told you he was busy, and you pressed. He has a right to be choosy with his clients just like you have a right to be choosy with your vendors. Chalk it up as him not being interested and find someone else.

     
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    Blushing bee
    Mr. Coffee    November 5, 2011   Chicago

    If I was in your shoes it would totally rub me the wrong way. For me, I want to feel a natural connection with the person who will be marrying Miss Coffee and me. I'm not saying this person has to know us; but he/she should GET to know us... enough to feel he/she cares about our big day.  

    It sounds like theres alreday a bad taste in your mouth regarding this guy... so getting to know each other is already starting on a bad note.

    Did that make sense...???

    Mr Coffee 

     
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    moderndaisy    June 2010  

    I would choose someone else now because of the negative exchange, but I agree with @2PeasinaPod. It sounds like you were a little pushy and unreasonable after he said he was busy and even provided a good explanation. You can't expect for vendors to be available at your convenience, especially on the weekends and it's his responsibility to make a note that you acquired about a certain date and hold it for you until you've had a chance to decide if you want to book him. He can even give you a deadline if he wants.

    If this happens again with another vendor, I would recommend just asking them to set up an appointment for another time that is more convenient, possibly meeting 1/2 way and if they could please hold your date until the meeting.

     
    23.
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    Helper bee
    futuremrsrichardson    August 21, 2010  

    I don't think that I would completely write this guy off at this point.  It sounds like you really just wanted to spend the weekend with his family, and especially on a Holiday weekend like this families get bombarded with parties and festivities.  While our wedding are always our top priority, they are not others.  It was a last minute request, and just because he isn't working doesn't mean that he isn't interested in your wedding, but has other plans.  Think about all of the things that you have scheduled for this weekend....

     
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    Blushing bee
    thriftybride    July 31, 2011  

    Honestly, I don't know where he's in the wrong here. I don't think it was really fair to only offer one meeting option to him before becoming upset about his availability. If there are issues already, it doesn't seem like you two are a match anyways.

     
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    Busy bee
    xshellx2003    April 30, 2011   Ohio

    Can you please explain where I was being pushy? He lives an hour north of me and I hardly ever go to that city. It would be much more convenient for me to find someone closer.

    As far as him having time off and having plans, that's not the issue. It's the fact that he told me to be patient because he's done 51 weddings. Like I'm supposed to be impressed and just wait for him.

     
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    Bumble bee
    Talishazwi    January 16, 2011   Seattle, WA

    I would move on!  I don't care if he's really the most amazing pastor/speaker/whatever, he gets one chance for a first impression.  If he wants to do this, it's going to eat up his weekends that he would've preferred free.  Why should you feel sorry for him that he works so much?  You weren't guilting him or pressuring him into performing your wedding.  I would feel completely different if his response to the meeting request had been how he's sorry but he won't be able to and how about x/xx date.  And then when you mentioned you were nervous he might get booked he could've assured you he would hold the date until you could.  That's a person I would consider hiring but not this guy.  You weren't pushy in your 2nd e-mail.  That was an appropriate response when you hear "no, I'm busy" with no other information.

     
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    Busy bee
    xshellx2003    April 30, 2011   Ohio

    @Talishazwi: Thank you. Well said.

     
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    Buzzing bee
    lezlers    April 3, 2011   California

    I don't think it's the fact that he was unavailable that makes him a jerk, I think it's the way he went about the scheduling problem.  Posting on the OPs facebook status that "she needs to be paitent" and that he's done "51 weddings" is both condescending and rude, not to mention horribly unprofessional.  The proper response would've been a private email (commenting on your facebook status as a mode of communication is the height of unproffesionalism) apologizing for being unavailable and offering to hold the date pending an in person meeting. 

    It's really not that hard to not act like a jackass when trying to garner business for yourself.  Essentially calling the OP out on her facebook page was wholly unnecessary, no matter what the OP may or may not have done wrong (not that she did anything wrong.)

    As for him deserving a day off: so what?  Totally not her problem.  She's not asking him to do her a personal favor, she's asking him to perform a service for which he advertises, in exchange for payment for said service. 

     

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