Post # 1
SO and I had a civil ceremony almost 10 months ago but are still having the big ceremony next month. Even though we’re married I don’t feel married. I don’t know if it’s because I’m still planning a wedding, because we don’t sleep in the same room, if it’s because we live with his parents or a combination. I’d love more than anything to move out but it’s just not an option.
We rarely have just us time and can’t afford to go anywhere or do a lot of things.
Has anyone else gone through this? How can I feel more like a married woman than just a gf?
Post # 3
@wisher558: There is a really good discussion on a separate board on How you are a wife. It kind of relates to this in the sense that for a lot of us, well at least me, nothing changed once getting married. I became his wife when we got married. We were going on dates, talking, holding hands, etc before we were married.
I think you both just need to make more of an effort to go on free dates. Maybe take a walk together, play a game.
How come you guys can’t sleep in the same room? If you’re married you should be able to.
Post # 4
I’d say it’s all of those things. And yeah, not sleeping in the same room and living with his parents would be a very odd situation to be in. You’ll get through it, though! At least you ARE married and I would think that if it came down to it, you’d feel more secure in your relationship overall (like if you started to have problems).
Post # 5
@wisher558: To me it sounds like you aren’t feeling married because you aren’t living as a married couple. I understand that married couples end up living with parents for many reasons, but why can’t you at least share a room? Things will for sure feel different for you when you’re able to actually settle into a routine of daily life together, but living with his parents, having separate bedrooms doesn’t sound very condusive to doing that. I’m assuming it may be some problem his parents have with you sleeping together before the wedding (even though you’re already legally married) – will you be able to carve out some separate space for the two of you once the wedding passes? If you can’t move out, I’d think that would help a lot in being able to have some privacy and space for the two of you to figure out what living together like a married couple really feels like.
Post # 6
Neither his room nor the guestroom where I am is exactly big. Plus all of my stuff, including my queen bed, is in storage in the u.s. I’m only in Canada on a visitor’s visa so I ccan’t move all of my stuff up here yet. We don’t really have the extra money to buy a whole new bed either because I can’t work here. Hence why we can’t move out. SO has his schedule at worked changed so he works 8am-8pm for 2 weeks and then 8pm-8am for 2 weeks. When he’s on overnights I only see him for an hour before he goes to work. He also has a weird schedule with random days off. It just sucks but he’s making money so I deal with it.
Post # 7
You don’t feel married because you’re not living together. Once you move in and get to snuggle everynight you’ll feel married
Post # 8
@wisher558: Do you not sleep in the same room just because the rooms are small? Or do his parents not allow it?
Even if the rooms are small, you can store your stuff in separate rooms if it’s easier, but then sleep in the same room, right?
I can totally understand not feeling like a married person in your situation….do you have plans to move into your own place together after your visa goes through? Or after the bigger wedding?
Post # 9
@wisher558: I would say not sleeping in the same room has the biggest impact on how you’re feeling. I’m really curious as to why this is. I can’t imagine not sleeping with my husband a lot of closeness and intimacy comes from sharing a bed and I’m not referring to the sexual aspect. Especially in busy lives just having that little bit of time just to yourselves to talk and cuddle and enjoy eachother no matter how the day has been is at least IMO an essential aspect of marriage. I end and begin each day next to my husband and I just can’t imagine not having that.
Post # 10
@wisher558: I don’t understand why you don’t sleep in the same room. Is there only space for a small bed? FH and I used to share a twin bed because we preferred sleeping together a bit uncomfortably to sleeping in separate beds/rooms comfortably.
Post # 11
- Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY
When you start sharing a bed and move away from the ‘rents, trust me, you will definitely feel married!!!
Post # 12
Hmm..perhaps not sleeping in the same room? Why?? If it’s for religoius reasons, I suspect you will feel more married after your final ceremony, if you do start sleeping in the same room. Also, I think you two need more privacy…..which is the idea behind the honeymoon. If you can’t afford one, maybe think about taking a road trip, even if it’s just for a day or two and stay in a hotel or at a friend’s vacation home, or something. =)