Post # 1
I hear about how LDRs (even those with much shorter distances) are SO HARD and the HARDEST THING I’VE EVER DONE but I don’t really feel it. Sure, mine has plenty of sucky moments and obviously I’d prefer to be closer and see him all the time (or even once a month!) but I’m pretty fulfilled with my relationship.
We do get to video chat twice a day since our time difference is only 4-5 hours and he’s a night owl. We both got iphones during the course of our relationship so it’s super easy to contact each other. Also, we’ve always been LD aside from the very beginning and one long visit. So it’s not like we had years of seeing each other everyday and had to stop it. And I’ve been single most of my life and I’m pretty independent, so going to wedding and functions alone doesn’t bother me. I also work with mostly women and don’t really have time to go to the bars, so I don’t encounter temptation-and even if I did, I still think my LD relationship would be better than any SD relationship with someone else.
I do have to say that if I were younger, I don’t think I could do it. When I was in late teens/early 20s, I wasn’t really looking for a life partner, so I was a lot more focused on instant gratification-being able to see and touch someone. Now I’m older and can take the long view of things-it’s HARD to find someone who I can see myself with forever-someone who treats me great, gets along with my family and friends, who I have lots of chemistry with, who makes me laugh AND who also has the same values and life goals that I have. I’m not willing to give that up purely because of logistical issues.
I’m eagerly looking forward to closing the gap, but I still feel very lucky to have such a great guy and that makes LD managable.
Anyone feel the same way?
Post # 3
I get like this sometimes. I’ve been in plenty of LDRs before, though this is my first international one. Of course, I wish we were together but it’s not the end of the world that we are not. This is primarily because we’re getting married and I know we WILL be together at some point. It puts a strain on our relationship sometimes, but it really taught us to become excellent communicators (all we can do is…TALK) and I’m thankful that our relationship has been allowed to develop without the sometimes distracting physical contact aspect. We’ve spent some time together for visits and vacations and whatnot, but 90% of the time we’ve been at least an ocean apart. And…its fine. Also, we know we’re right for each other. Therefore, the sacrifices that are involved in an LDR are simply an investment for us. No chance that either of us is merely wasting time.
Post # 4
I will never say my international LDR is easy, but I do understand some of what you said.
We’ve also been LDR since the beginning, and I do think that plays a role. We were never fully used to seeing each other every day. Being LD actually feels more normal. We have had long visits though (we’ve had visits from one week to two months).
You are lucky to have the communication you do though. We were able to talk all the time the past couple years since I was a student and could be online during most of the day. It’s a challenge now though as I enter student teaching and will be getting home around 4pm – which is midnight his time, and he’ll be asleep. Our 8 hour time difference is painful. We’re not sure how we’ll make it work.
But as you said, I am just thankful to be with someone who makes it worth it. I know I’d be hard pressed to find someone as great as he is, so I’ll stay latched onto him and endure the LDR.
Post # 5
LD is much more easy emotionally when you know there’s an end in sight. when you know, whether it’s months or years down the road, that you two will end up living together happily ever after.
but I can see LDs sucking for people whose futures are not so much in their hands. when distance is due to circumstances outside their control, and an end is unknown/nowhere in sight.
Post # 6
I feel like you described me perfectly. We are 5 hours apart and weve been that way since day one with a visit last month. It was hard to say goodbye but ive been kind of a loner anyway so being without him isnt that bad. We text at all hours of the day and Skype every night so were in constant communication. I have noticed ive gotten a little more depressed lately but his visa should be approved by december so its only a matter of waiting.
Post # 7
We’ve alwasy been LD, but in different forms at different times. When the distance was plane-ride long, I’ve generally found it to be hard, but not for the reasons I thought it would be. I don’t find it hard to be faithful, or hard to trust him, or hard to communicate. It’s juat hard because I’m severly lacking for cuddles, and I generally miss him, and it’s hard and stressful to be taking flights all the time.
When we were what I called “semi long distance” (not close enough to live together or see each other daily, but close enough to see eachother every weekend without too much complicated hassle or expense) I really didn’t find it hard. I was mainly just frustrated that we couldn’t live together (international borders..boo!).
I really think that so much of being successful in a LD is to do with personality. Some people find it to be a natural fit, some just really aren’t cut out for it.
Post # 8
@worldtraveler: Only 4-5 hours? That’s practically one end of the US to the other! 🙂 When my BF flies out to AZ, he’ll be 9 hours behind me til I head out there. I think when it gets to be opposite ends of the day it gets harder.
Earlier this year he was in CA for a week and that was hard (9 hours also). Mostly because I have work at 7:30 and he was with his friend (and with him working probably til 4:30 in AZ it’ll be just as hard). This means that if he gets home at 5, it’s already 2 am and when I get home at 5, it’s 8:00 am there and he’ll be working.
Post # 9
My boyfriend and I are 9000 miles away from each other, 12 or 13 hours time difference depending on daylight saving time. We’ve been dating for almost a year and though it’s hard sometimes, it’s not as bad as most people think it would be.
This is the first LDR i’ve ever had, and probably the last 🙂 I am bound to see him in 21 days, and he’ll propose any time. Hoping to close the distance after I graduate in 2014!
Post # 10
Well, for me then it was and it wasn’t. I worked abroad for about 19 months. It was hard being apart from DH. I didn’t have electricity or phone access for much of the time, and there was no mail service either. We also had an 8 hour time difference. It was also lonely because I didn’t speak the local language well, and I missed physical contact (hugs, cuddles). I adopted a bunch of feral cats during that time, two of which now live with me… looking back then it was the easiest way to get physical affection and have a living creature to care for (sad, I know!)
That said, it wasn’t as if I was crying into my pillow every night, overcome with sorrow! We also stayed faithful, and when I returned then we were married. So it clearly wasn’t that hard.
Post # 11
I found my LDR extremely hard. DH and I got together when I was 19 and he was 24, I was in the USA and he was in the UK. We saw each other every 2-5 months but he didn’t seem to understand that I wanted to have daily contact with him. He had a much busier social schedule and I had a rough home life and was in school. We’ve now concluded that his day was just jam packed with work and friends while I always longing for him constantly. I think I took the lack of contact as disinterest…. where he just felt that we knew we wanted to be together and would get there eventually. Thankfully he finally got the picture. We were married in May of 2010 but were in an LDR until October 2011. THAT WAS HARD. I didn’t feel ‘married’…. it was weird. Thankfully we are now together and it was so worth the wait. He is the most amazing thing to ever happen to me and I’m so lucky that he feels the same.