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Depending on where they are from, saying no to the reception may be extremely insulting and offensive. Its terrible that they are very opinionated and controlling in your home, but they probably see it as they are the elders and should be respected, listened to etc. no matter what.
How long are they staying? Any chance you could suggest a hotel room????
I wish I had more helpful advice for you...
May I ask what part of the world they're from? Sometimes clash of cultures can be challenging at first. Something that's not a big deal to you at all may be something very offensive to them and vice versa. However; time, some understanding and tolerance goes a long way. I would keep an open mind and tell yourself that they mean well, just maybe somethings inadvertently came out wrong, and it's just a new and difficult experience for them as well. If they're throwing you a reception in their country it means they're welcoming you into the family with open arms, and that's not a small gesture. I would just give it time but don't shut them out. Maybe try to learn more about their culture...A big part of the work belongs to your FI as well, he knows both his family and you better than anyone and he has to make the effort to ease both parties into this. Meanwhile just think these people will be part of the rest of your life. and that the effort you put into yout relationship with them is worthwhile.
@meliss: You said it better than I did. I very much agree.
Sounds stressfull, definitely sounds like a clash of different cultures. They also sound very overbearing. You will have to give it a lot of thought.
I think if you and your fiancé are both on board with this decision he should be the one to talk to them, thank them for the offer to throw the reception, but say that the two of you decided not to attend. The reception sounds like it will be completely for the in-laws anyway - in their country, with their friends etc. And if they don't even try to get along then why are they doing this? to show off to their friends?
It's one thing to go through the motions for people you both love and who love you back, but here it sounds as if nobody enjoys each other's company much..so what's the point? In cases like this maybe minimal contact is best.
If you do decide to go, don't stay with them and limit contact. And try to tell yourself whatever it is, it will be over soon!
And there is of course the chance that there is miscommunication, but in that case I would think your fiancé and SIL would have tried to explain and take the in-laws side. If they both agree with you I think your in-laws just might be difficult...
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The last two weeks have been hell. Actually, the last 5 weeks have been hell. It all started with my in laws arriving from out of the country. DH and I went to DC to spend 2 weeks with them once they flew in, had a week back home and then they came to our place in Canada for 2 weeks. From the beginning I said I need to be eased into spending a lot of time with them- but no one listened to me. Now, we're all paying the price.
Where should I begin? How about I made them dinner and they didnt show up- or the fact that their not abiding by our house rules or respecting me or my husband (their own son!!) at all. Yesterday my SIL and her bf came up and my FIL FLIPPED out that they slept in the same room last night. Now, we only have so many bedrooms for everyone to sleep in. So one was on the couch, the other on an air mattress- and he still flipped. Apparently this has upset my FIL so much that he has actually given all of us the silent treatment ALL day! WTF!?!?!!?
Both my hubs and I have had it with them- they are throwing us a reception in January in their country, and Im seriously thinking of calling it off. Im just not comfortable spending this much time with them, spending all the time and money flying to their country, for something I have absolutely no say in. At this point, I dont even have a say in what Im wearing or how Im doing my hair, etc- its ridiculous. At first I thought it would be a great way to learn more about their culture and background- but now I just see it as a huge mistake. What should I do!?