I don't get it…it's not the actual marriage that's hard!

posted 3 years ago in Married Life
Post # 2
Member
1136 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

mm86:  I agree that it’s the issues you face that can make life hard while you’re married. We’re engaged so I can’t speak from experience on the topic of being married, but to me life won’t always be rainbows and butterflies whether you’re married, de facto, single, whatever! The issues can just vary.

I think compromise, money, expectations etc. can sometimes be difficult things to deal with and maybe my opinion will change once we’ve been married and are facing all of those things. We’ve been living together for years too so I don’t expect our day to day lives to change after marriage, but I do expect things to change once we have a mortgage, children etc.

I agree with your sentiment that marriage is the good bit, its the issues you face that are hard.

Post # 3
Member
8025 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

I disagree! It’s hard to live with one person forever who is a different human than you. It’s an accomplishment- thats why many don’t last.

Post # 4
Member
5228 posts
Bee Keeper

mm86:  I think its the commitment that’s hard. It could be easy to end things when you hit a rough patch or start crushing on somebody you work with. What can be hard is riding it out and knowing that relationships cycle. In the end, its the people who take the commitment seriously who stay married. It’s not because it was some kind of fairy tale relationship that was roses and sunshine every single minute of the day. 

Post # 5
Member
6741 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

How long have you been married OP?

Post # 6
Member
1016 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I disagree…

Humans are ever-changing. The man you moved in will not be the man you spend the rest of your life with, and the man you live with might not be anything like the man you retire with – and vice versa of course. 

The real challenge…is changing, separately, but together. And to add to that, as different people with different (and again, ever-changing) experiences and ideas and goals to get through all the curveballs life throws at you – as a team of wholly different people. 

Moving in together is just the beginning. Shoot, I bet the first decade of marriage is even just the beginning! 

Post # 9
Member
405 posts
Helper bee

I agree that the ‘hardness’ is living together, the issues that come up in life, and maintaining a good relationship through the years.

Post # 10
Member
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

What exactly is your point here? You haven’t been married that long. You have no idea whether marriage is “hard”. My parents have been married for 40 years and have a great relationship, but they will be the first to admit that marriage is something you have to work at every day because guess what? It’s not easy. I get that it’s annoying for people to tell you things that you don’t want to hear, but you have no idea what is going to come up in your life and how you and your husband are going to deal with it.

Your marriage is going to go through high points and low points (and yes, I said your marriage, not just you life). It’s great that it’s going so well for you right now, but there is nothing wrong with admitting that being with the same person day in and day out for 50 years might be challenging, no matter how much you love them.

Post # 11
Member
7400 posts
Busy Beekeeper

You don’t have to be married to face a lot of the things people are talking about here. You can be committed without marriage. You can have kids without marriage. You can live with someone without marriage.

Life is hard no matter how you choose to live it.

Post # 12
Member
1016 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

mm86:  I am referring to marriage an all-encompassing term for people committed to a long term relationship with each other. It’s just that when you get married you’re making it legal or just declaring it publicly. Doesn’t matter. My answer still applies whether you’re “married” or “married-not-married”.

To be human is to evolve in all ways. Two humans who build a life together will inevitably evolve in opposing ways at one point or another. That’s what I think is “hard” about it, to stay together despite all the changes to your mind, your body, your environment, your circumstances over the years. 

 

Post # 15
Member
1458 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

She’s saying that a couple that’s married and spends 40 yrs together doesn’t have life any harder than an unmarried  committed couple that spends 40 yrs together. It’s not the title it’s the act of being together and what life throws at you that’s hard. 

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