I don't know how I feel, but it's not good :(

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: Would you be upset if your SO was going to just leave you completely alone for a major holiday?
    Yes, : (48 votes)
    84 %
    No : (9 votes)
    16 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    7654 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2012

    @smashwey:  Yes, I would be upset about being alone for a major holiday, but you are out of town for work…so to me it is a little different. Had you been staying home, curled up on the couch with a book and hot chocolate I’d say he’s being a jerk, but with it being a work trip he probably he feels you will be busy.

    I guess the most you can do is tell him why you’d like him around for the holidays and what it would mean to you.

    Post # 4
    Member
    2419 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    I couldn’t really vote because I’m torn. If it was something like he had to work, I wouldn’t be mad. But, I was in a relationship before I met my FI where I always spent holidays with my family and he spent holidays with his. That is just how it was. If it was something like he wanted to go hang out with his friends, yes I would be mad. I feel like I should be his next priority after work.

    I think there is something much deeper going on here with him then this. You guys really need to sit down and talk. Let him know how you feel and see if you can get to what is really bothering him here.

    Post # 6
    Member
    7654 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2012

    @smashwey:  Ok, gotchya. In that case yes I would be upset, especially if you are only taking an hour to handle the pets at the clinic. I would let him know how you are feeling. No one should be alone on the holidays, and you have no choice but to stay back. Why can’t they all bring Christmas to you? That’s what I would do.

    Post # 7
    Member
    2419 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    Well, sure I would be hurt to be left alone under the circumstances you describe but actually, he isn’t going out of town for Christmas is he? Or have I misread your post? 

    Post # 8
    Member
    2878 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @smashwey:  Wow… I got snowed into town my first Christmas with my now FI.  We had no plans to spend the Holidays together as we were still very fresh in the whole dating thing.  He ended up picking me up from my appartment and taking me to his parent’s place.  I am SHOCKED that your BF would be okay with you spending Christmas alone, let alone, working on making that happen.  I think you need to sit down with him and be very clear about the fact that you want to spend the holidays with him.

    Post # 9
    Member
    681 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    I think you should try talking to him. It’s not an issue until you talk to him about it and he still doesn’t have any remorse. Maybe he really was thinking more about his family than you, he may just apologize and not realize what he did. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    2419 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    @smashwey:  Okay that makes more sense then. Yea, I would be pretty upset.

    Post # 11
    Member
    7997 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2013

    I’d be upset too. Maybe I got lost in your post, but did you tell him that you’ve been expecting a proposal for quite some time? Maybe he still thinks you want to wait for marriage. I honestly don’t understand the concept of waiting for a guy to make up his mind a buy a ring. You don’t talk about it during the process?

    Post # 13
    Member
    451 posts
    Helper bee

    I voted yes. But not because he’s leaving you “alone”. You’re a grown up and Christmas can be celebrated any day y’all decide. I just don’t like his attitude. If he’d come to you and “asked” saying he felt he needed to go because “insert why he needs to go here” you would have gladly said yes. It’s the disregard for your feelings or even your input. It’s a little odd that y’all aren’t looking to start new traditions of your own. When he proposes and you’re married and have kids are you still going to separate houses for Christmas? Of course not. Talk to him about shared traditions and holidays and see if he can take a mememe Christmas to a wewewe vision of future Christmas holidays. Families switch years or see one Christmas Eve then drive 4 hours to see the other on Christmas Day. Intertwining holidays isn’t easy but if y’all are serious about getting married y’all should be starting that now. (Yes. I know a small subset of ladies on this site choose to spend holidays without their SOs. Please don’t yell at me. I’m speaking from a traditional majority of us. Well, to be honest, I’m only speaking for myself. )

     

    Post # 14
    Member
    204 posts
    Helper bee

    Well in my case it’s because my SO is trying to save some money. But he’s going to try and get two days off in December to be with me if he can. Ill take what I can get. Yes I do feel lonely but I can’t do anything about it since he’s working for our future. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    2052 posts
    Buzzing bee

    @smashwey:  I’m sorry that you are dealing with waiting pain/holiday sadness.

    When I read this, I cringed a bit: 

    “We have talked about marriage (starting more than a year ago, in 2012) and at that time HE was upset with ME because I wanted to wait longer than him to get married”.

    Some men can have sensitive egos….it’s possible that this might have deterred him from wanting to propose at all. Undecided  You have to be careful that you are not sending him mixed signals…It’s not that you are not valid in your fears about debt….but ‘richer or poorer’…should be something you can work through either married or single.

    Do you think this is why he has just made plans to work xmas/go out of town to visit friends?

    Post # 16
    Member
    2052 posts
    Buzzing bee

    @smashwey:  PS I also voted no for being left alone on a major holiday.  We didn’t spend holidays together until recently in our relationship.  And work is work, not much that can be done there.

    Hang in there OP

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